


The Way I See It

by pilotmikey



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Boys Kissing, Cuddling, Fluff, Homophobic Slurs, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, M/M, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Underage Drinking, excessive eye rolling, michael doesn't like luke at first, side cashton, sort of, then he does, they do an english project together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-24 00:13:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 58,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6134848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pilotmikey/pseuds/pilotmikey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."  - Lao Tzu</p><p>or</p><p>Michael and Luke become friends while working on an English project. Feelings are involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the day the earth stood still

It was Monday morning and if that wasn’t bad enough, Michael had to start the day off with Maths. His only saving grace was his best friend, Calum, who was seated next to him going on and on about something that happened at footie practice last week. Calum was an amazing football player. He was only fifteen, but there were already university teams looking at him. Michael wasn’t jealous per se, but it made him feel stupid sometimes. He wasn’t very good at school and he knew he probably wouldn’t be going to university. The school had even held him back a year. Calum already had his future mapped out for him. All he had to do was keep playing football and going to school and some team would snatch him up and take him away from Michael.

“You should’ve seen his kick man! I’ve never seen someone our age make a shot like that!” Calum exclaimed. Michael couldn’t help but smile at the excitement in his voice.

“I’m sure you could do it too if you weren’t always late to practice,” Michael joked. Calum had gotten his ass handed to him by his coach last week for showing up late. Michael had heard all about it when Calum had come over after practice, sweaty and wide-eyed. Calum rolled his eyes.

“It was one time,” he said, annoyed. “Coach Farman was just in a bad mood.” Michael laughed. The bell rang, signaling class was starting. The only reason he was here so early was because he’d slept over at Calum’s the night before, and his mom was very strict about punctuality. Michael didn’t mind. He loved staying at the Hood’s place. It was his second home, and the Hood’s were his second family. Calum had been his best friend since he was six years old. Michael had never really had friends. He wasn’t good at socializing, and he was a bit of an outcast. People thought he was strange and weird. Calum on the other hand was great at socializing. He was one of those people who made friends with everyone. That included Michael. He remembers being six, waiting for a turn to use one of the swings at recess. There were only two swings, and these two girls had been on them ever since recess started. There were only ten minutes left before recess was over. He tried asking the girls if they would let him have a turn, but they just turned up their noses and ignored him. He’d tried not to get angry, but even at a young age Michael had a temper. His little hands balled up into fists and he kicked at the dirt. That’s when he met Calum. The brown boy had seen Michael standing there, waiting for a turn on the swings. He knew how people treated Michael. No one seemed to like him, but Calum didn’t know why. He couldn’t remember anything that would give him a reason to dislike the boy, so he decided to go help him out. He’d went up to the swing set and stood just in front of where the girls were swinging.

“Hey girls,” he said. The girls giggled. Even at six, Calum had no trouble getting people to like him. “Mind if I have a go?” The girls slowed down and hopped off the swings. Michael’s eyes had gone wide.’ _How was that fair?_ ’ he’d thought.

“Sure, here you go!” one of the girls had said cheerfully. Calum thanked them as they left and then sat down on one of the swings. He looked at Michael expectantly.

“You gonna sit?” he’d asked. Michael gave him a funny look, but walked over to the empty swing and sat down. “I’m Calum,” he said.

“Michael,” Michael replied. They swung in silence for a while.

“You’re in my class, right?” Calum asked. Michael looked up from where he’d been staring at his shoes.

“Yeah,” he said. “I sit at the back by Roger.” Calum nodded, remembering where that was.

“Do you like Power Rangers?” he’d asked Michael. Michael shrugged.

“I like Pokémon better, but they’re okay,” he answered. Calum’s face lit up.

“I like Pokémon too!” he said excitedly. Michael smiled for the first time that day. They got into an easy conversation about their favourite Pokémon. When the bell rang, Calum leaped off the swing mid-air. Michael’s eyes grew big. He’d never jumped off a swing like that. He’d always been too scared. He let his own swing come to a natural stop.

“Thanks for letting me swing with you,” Michael said softly. “No one's ever let me swing with them before.” Calum frowned.

“We should swing again tomorrow. You’re fun!” he said with a smile. Michael grinned at him and the two of them walked back to class together. They’d been best friends ever since. Everyone had thought it was strange that Calum chose Michael to be his best friend. The two of them were like night and day. Calum loved to go out, but Michael preferred to stay home. Calum was loud and cheerful, but Michael came off quiet and moody. Neither of them really cared what other people thought. No one knew that when it was just the two of them, Calum liked to stay quiet, content with letting Michael ramble on about whatever he was heated about that day. Michael tended to be loud and eccentric when we he was with Calum. They were always able to balance each other out.

“Okay class, good morning. Please pull out your homework from last week and pass them to the front,” their teacher spoke. _’Fuck’_ , Michael thought. He’d forgotten all about the homework. Whatever, maybe the teacher wouldn’t notice until later, and he could just make up some excuse and hand it in tomorrow. It was unlikely, but a guy could hope.

“I heard we’re getting a new student,” Calum whispered beside him. Michael frowned. Calum always seemed to know these things. Michael hadn’t heard anything about a new student.

“How do you know?” he asked, keeping his voice down as their teacher began to go through the attendance list.

“Sandra heard some of the teachers talking about it this morning. I think she said it was some girl from out of town,” Calum replied. Michael smirked.

“I hope she’s hot,” he said. Calum rolled his eyes.

“As if she would wanna go out with you. You can’t even get a date with any of the girls already here,” Calum snorted, and Michael narrowed his eyes.

“That’s because all of them have known me since kindergarten,” Michael said. It was true. The pool of girls had been the same ever since preschool. The only reason Calum could get a date was because he was charismatic and _everyone_ loved him. Michael could get a date too if anyone would give him a chance. Before Calum could answer there was a knock on the classroom door.

“Ah, that must be our new student! Okay class, I want you to be nice and welcome them with open arms,” their teacher said cheerfully. She got up from her desk and walked towards the door. Michael watched as she opened the door that was hopefully concealing his future girlfriend.

“Class, this is Luke.” Okay, not his future girlfriend. Michael couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed. “Be nice, offer to show him around, and help him out if you see him in any of your classes. Being a new student isn’t easy.” The boy, _Luke_ , blushed. He was short, very short, Michael noticed. He had blonde hair and blue eyes. _’How typical,’_ Michael thought. Luke looked kind of dorky, but not entirely awful. There was a bit of baby fat clinging to his cheeks, but he made it work. The girls would be all over him. He watched as Luke took a seat at the front of the room. _Definitely dorky_.

“That’s not a girl,” he whispered to Calum.

“Obviously,” his friend replied. “What do you expect from Sandra? She never gets her facts straight.” Michael laughed - a bit too loudly for his teacher’s liking.

“Michael? Do you have something to share?” she asked. Calum snorted beside him. Michael sighed.

“No, ma’am,” he said dejectedly. He saw Luke turn to look at him when he spoke. His blue eyes looked curious. Michael glared at him and the boy quickly turned away. The rest of the hour went by the same as any other day. Michael was bored out of his mind, and when the bell rang calling class to an end, he shot out of his seat immediately.

“See you at lunch?” he asked Calum. He had Science next, but Calum had English. They always sat together at lunch, and then met up again when they had gym together last period.

“Yep!” Calum said, already grabbing his books and heading out the door. Michael shook his head at his friend’s eagerness. He grabbed his bag, slung it over his shoulder, and walked to his next class. He was just about to walk in to the classroom when he saw the new kid standing in the middle of the hallway looking extremely lost. He kept looking at the paper he held in his hands, and then glancing around the hall. Michael groaned. Before he could stop himself, he was heading over to where Luke was standing.

“Lost already?” he asked the boy. Luke turned to look at him, eyes wide. He blushed, and then reached up to adjust the straps of his backpack.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. He had a nice voice, Michael thought. He grabbed the paper out of Luke’s hands and looked it over.

“History with Bergens?” he asked. Luke nodded. “You want to go down this hallway and make a left. His class is right beside the boys’ bathroom. I would hurry if I were you; he hates it when people are late.” Just as he said that the bell rang.

“Shit, thank you!” Luke said, before taking off down the hallway. Michael rolled his eyes. He walked back to his own class, only to find the door had been closed. _Fuck,_ he thought. He knocked on the door, but no one answered. He tried again but still no answer. Just as he was about to accept defeat, the door opened and his teacher Mrs. Roslyn appeared, hands on her hips. Michael sucked in a breath.

“Late again?” she asked, clearly unamused. “You do remember what I said about being late, right Mr. Clifford?” Michael nodded.

“I know, I’m sorry. The new kid was lost so I was helping him find his way to class,” he said. Mrs. Roslyn squinted her eyes at him.

“I don’t care what you were doing,” she said. “Go to the office and get a late slip.” She shut the door in his face. _Bitch_ , Michael thought. He wasn’t going to get a late slip. If she didn’t want to let him in, he wasn’t gonna go. He decided to head to the library and doodle for the next hour. Pulling out his head phones, he turned on _Jesus of Suburbia_ and made his way there.

 

***

 

An hour goes by quickly when you aren’t being bored to death by lectures. Before Michael knew it, it was time to head to his next class – English. He fought his way through the crowded halls, not wanting to get yelled at by anyone else today. He made it to class early and found a seat at the back of the room. He was tapping his pen along with his music when he caught a glimpse of someone standing in front of him. He looked up and was met with the same blue eyes he’d personally felt he’d seen enough of today. Michael pulled out one of his earbuds.

“Mind if I sit here?” Luke asked with a small smile. He seemed so shy, but Michael didn’t feel bad for him. Maybe if he hadn’t been bitched at by Mrs. Roslyn for helping the boy, he would feel inclined to be nicer. But unfortunately for Luke, that was not the case.

“I got in trouble cause of you,” Michael spit. Luke’s eyes widened.

“What? Why?” he asked. Michael rolled his eyes.

“I was late to class and got bitched at. Unlike you, I can’t use ‘I’m new’ as an excuse,” he said angrily. Technically it wasn’t Luke’s fault, and Michael knew that. But he’d never been known for his rationality.

“I didn’t ask for your help,” Luke said with a frown. He looked hurt, and Michael found it hard to look him in the eye. He looked at the front of the room instead.

“Whatever. I’m not your new best friend. Sit wherever you want, I really don’t give a shit,” Michael said. He put his earbud back in and waited for class to start. He watched Luke turn around and find a seat near the middle of the classroom. He pretended he didn’t notice when he caught Luke staring at him halfway through the period.

 

***

 

The rest of the week went by slowly. It turns out he had three classes with Luke (Maths, English, and Gym) and Calum did too (Maths, Science and Gym). He’d told Calum what had happened with Luke on Monday, and Calum had said he’d overreacted. Michael already knew that, but he got mad when Calum said it anyways.

Michael had taken a liking to hating Luke. It didn’t matter what the younger boy did, Michael always had some snide remark to say about him. Calum always just rolled his eyes and tried to change the subject. For some reason unknown to Michael, Calum liked Luke. The two of them were slowly becoming friends, and to say Michael hated it was an understatement. Calum was always asking if Luke could sit with them at lunch, or if he could be on their team in gym class. Michael never said no, but he never made an attempt to talk to Luke or include him in his conversations with Calum. If Luke tried to join in, Michael would shoot him a glare and go back to ignoring him. The next week Luke stopped saying yes when Calum invited him over. Michael wanted to feel bad, but he was stubborn. Just because Calum was friends with the kid didn’t mean he had to be too. He told Calum as much, and Calum had just told him to stop being a dick.

It was Friday night and Michael was bored. Usually he would hangout with Calum, but he’d ran off after gym class saying something about not wanting to be late for football practice. He should be home by now though, so Michael decided to call him and see if he wanted to come over. He pulled out his phone and brought up Calum’s contact page. Calum’s picture was a disgusting shot of the inside of his nostrils, and seeing it always made Michael laugh. He hit call and held the phone to his ear. The dialing started and he tapped his fingers on his leg. Just as he thought Calum wasn’t going to answer, he heard the line become active.

“Michael? Hey,” Calum said. “What’s up?”

“Bored out of my fucking skull. We should chill,” Michael said. There was a pause on the other end.

“I can’t right now,” Calum said after a minute. Michael frowned. Calum was never busy, especially not on a Friday night.

“What? Since when are you ever busy?” he asked. There was another pause.

“Since now,” Calum replied. It sounded like he was talking to someone. Michael frowned again. Calum didn’t usually hangout with his teammates outside of practice.

“Are you with someone?” he asked. This time the pause was longer. He was almost scared Calum had hung up when he heard his quiet voice through the line.

“I’m with Luke,” Calum said softly. Michael sat up from where he’d been sprawled across his bed. Calum was hanging out with Luke outside of school now?

“What?” Michael asked. “Why?”

“Because I want to? I can hangout with people that aren’t you, Michael.” Michael’s face went red. Calum had never talked to him like this.

“I know that,” he said angrily. “I just didn’t think you were serious about your fucking charity case.” Michael was pissed now. Luke annoyed him enough on his own, but now he was taking Calum away from him? Michael’s breathing picked up.

“Don’t say shit like that,” Calum hissed. “Look, I’m busy. I’ll talk to you later.” The line went dead. Michael fought the urge to throw his phone at the wall. He tossed it to the side and huffed out of his room. Going down the hall, he turned towards the kitchen and headed to the fridge. He swung the door open and pulled out the leftover pizza from the night before. He shoved a slice in his mouth, not caring to heat it up, and took a seat at the table. Just as he was about to take another bite, his mom walked in.

“Oh, didn’t expect to see you home. Where’s Calum?” she asked. She walked over to the sink to pour herself a glass of water.

“With _Luke_ ,” Michael scoffed. His mom turned around to look at him and raised her eyebrows.

“I take it we don’t like Luke?” she asked. He nodded and took another bite of his pizza.

“No, we definitely don’t like Luke,” Michael said. She smiled and sat down next to him.

“Wanna talk about it?” she asked.

“Not really,” he answered. He watched her take a sip of water and then set her glass down. He didn’t want to talk about Luke, but maybe he sort of did. He sighed. “He’s the new kid at school, and I hate him,” he said.

“Why do you hate him?” she asked. Michael frowned. Why did he hate Luke? Where should he start? He got him in trouble on the first day, even though that wasn’t entirely Luke’s fault. There was the fact that he was always around, but he could blame Calum for that. Once Luke had gotten the hint that Michael wanted nothing to do with him, he stopped showing up. Maybe he was angrier with Calum. All he ever wanted to do was invite Luke to hangout with them, or tell him how Luke ‘wasn’t so bad’. Now he was hanging out with Luke outside of school. Luke was probably at Calum’s house. They were probably playing video games or watching movies or laughing about something that happened during the week. Michael liked to do all of those things. Calum hadn’t even invited him; not that he would’ve wanted to go if he knew Luke was going, but an invitation would’ve been nice. Maybe Luke was funnier than Michael. Maybe Calum had more fun with him than he did with Michael. Luke was probably nicer, and smarter. He was probably on time to all of his classes and girls probably talked to him. Calum was probably embarrassed by Michael. Maybe he was finally realizing that Michael wasn’t good enough to be his friend.

“I don’t know,” he said finally. Suddenly he felt sick. He dropped his half eaten slice of pizza back in the box and pushed his chair back. “I don’t feel good,” he said. He put the box back in the fridge and started back to his room.

“Let me know if you need anything,” his mom called behind him. He heard her sigh, but before he could feel bad about it he shut his bedroom door. Michael flopped back on to his bed and closed his eyes. Was Calum replacing him? Had he been such a dick about Luke that Calum finally realized he was a piece of shit? He groaned and pulled a pillow over his head, stupidly trying to block out his own thoughts.

“Fuck this,” he muttered to himself. He crawled under the covers of his bed and went to sleep.

 

***

 

Michael ignored Calum at school on Monday. Calum had taken his seat next to Michael in Maths, but Michael pretended he wasn’t there.

“Can we talk?” Calum had asked. Michael had only shook his head and looked down at his desk. He ignored Calum’s attempts to talk to him for the rest of the period. At lunch, he’d walked past their usual table and found a spot in the corner by himself. He knew Calum was looking at him, but Michael paid no attention to him. When he looked up half an hour later he saw Luke sitting in his spot, laughing at something Calum had said. Michael skipped gym class that day, not wanting to torture himself with the sight of Calum and Luke hanging out. He knew it was his own fault. If he hadn’t been such an ass to Luke in the first week, he wouldn’t be in this mess. If he would have apologized to Calum during first period, maybe they could’ve worked something out. Michael hated himself for being so stubborn, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t want to be friends with Luke, and he didn’t want Calum being friends with him either.

He didn’t talk to Calum for the rest of the week.

On Thursday he took the bus home. Usually he would walk with Calum, but seeing as they weren’t on the best terms he’d started taking the bus. There was an empty seat at the back, so he sat down and put his bag on the seat next to him so no one would join him. He pulled his headphones out and pushed them in his ears. Putting _All Time Low_ on shuffle, he looked out the window and waited until he saw his street. The ride took about 20 minutes, and by the time he was getting off the bus his eyes were drooping. Being alone and angry all day could be exhausting. Just as he was heading up the walkway to his front door he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around and was met with blond hair and blue eyes. They were the same blue eyes that seemed to be the cause of all of his problems.

“Hi,” Luke said. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his jeans, and he looked nervous. Michael swallowed. “Can we talk?”


	2. look at me and make it better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward." - Steve Maraboli

“Did you follow me home?” Michael asked. Luke shrugged.

“We take the same bus,” he said.

“We do?” Michael asked. “I hadn’t noticed.” Not once had he seen Luke on his bus, not that he was looking.

“Maybe if you weren’t always sulking and pretending I don’t exist, you would’ve noticed,” Luke replied. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and used one of them to rub the back of his neck. “Look, Michael-”

“I have nothing to say to you,” Michael lied. Honestly, there were so many things he wanted to say to Luke. He wanted to ask him why he was stealing his best friend. He wanted to ask him why he was always around. He wanted to ask him why he couldn’t have just stayed wherever the hell he came from.

“I don’t believe you,” Luke said. Michael glared at him, willing his eyes to shoot fire like in the movies so he could get rid of Luke for good. “I think you have a lot to say.”

“You wanna know what I have to say?” Michael fumed. “Stop stealing my best friend. Stop fucking talking to me! Get the fuck out of my life and don’t ever follow me home again.” Luke was silent, waiting for Michael to finish.

“You done?” he asked. Michael nodded. “What the fuck is your problem?” Luke exploded. “What the hell did I ever do to make you this pissed off at me? Are you holding a grudge because of what happened on my first day? Because that wasn’t even my fault. _You_ decided to help me. I didn’t fucking ask. You know something? I actually thought you were nice. I thought maybe _someone_ at your piece of shit school wasn’t a total asshole. So much for that. I’m tired of you treating me like shit. If you don’t like me, that’s fine, but at least have a better reason than that. As for Calum, why does it even concern you? He’s the only person that’s tried to talk to me and be my friend. I get it, you guys are best friends, but he’s allowed to be friends with both of us. Okay? Can we just fucking stop this?” Luke’s shoulders were heaving and his face had gone red. Michael was stunned. He hadn’t expected Luke to say anything, he didn’t seem the type. If Michael was being honest, he was a little impressed. He stared at Luke for a while, the younger boy shifting uncomfortably under his gaze.

“Do you wanna come in?” Michael asked. Luke’s eyebrows furrowed.

“What?” he asked, genuinely confused. Michael walked up to his front door and turned he knob.

“Do you wanna come in?” he repeated, pushing the door open. He turned around to look at Luke expectantly. The younger boy said nothing, but started to follow Michael into the house. They went down the hall towards Michael’s bedroom and once they were inside, Michael shut the door. He dropped his bag on the floor and looked at Luke. He was standing there, taking in the room. Michael had posters covering his walls, mostly of bands he liked.

“You gonna just stand there?” Michael asked, sitting down on his bed.

“You like Green Day?” Luke asked, ignoring Michael’s question and setting his bag down on the floor.

“Yeah,” Michael replied.

“Me too.” They didn’t say anything for a while. Luke walked over and sat down on the floor beside the bed. Michael looked down at him. Luke’s hair was longer than the first time he’d seen it. His fringe was growing in and falling down the sides of his face. It kind of looked like Michael’s own hair.

“You can sit up here if you want,” Michael said finally. Luke looked up at him.

“I’m fine here.”

“Suit yourself.”

They sat in silence for a little while before Michael decided he’d had enough. He got up from the bed, startling Luke. Michael pretended he didn’t see the way Luke had jumped. He headed over to his Xbox and grabbed his controllers. He tossed one to Luke.

“Do you play FIFA?” he asked. Luke nodded. Michael sat down on the floor beside Luke after setting the game up. They played for a while, only talking when one of them scored. Luke was surprisingly good. Calum wasn’t very good at FIFA, which had never made sense to Michael. If he could play it in real life, why couldn’t he handle a simple video game? He’d never asked Calum that though. He didn’t need him bringing up how shit Michael was at football in real life. About halfway through their third game, Michael broke the silence.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Michael shook his head and laughed, causing Luke to look up from the game and frown.

“It’s not,” Michael said quietly. “He’s my only friend, okay?” He didn’t look at Luke, but he could feel the younger boy staring at him. He scored a goal against Luke, and then put his controller down. “I shouldn’t have been a dick to you on the first day, and I shouldn’t have been a dick after.”

“It’s okay,” Luke said again.

“’m not good with people,” Michael continued. “I’m really shit at being a person sometimes, which is why I don’t have any friends. I only have Calum, and I don’t even know why he’s stuck around for so long,” he sighed. Luke pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them.

“I didn’t mean to steal him from you. No one else wanted anything to do with me. I wasn’t- I would never-“

“I know. I just got…insecure, I guess, when you guys started hanging out,” Michael admitted. He turned his head to look at Luke. Their eyes met.

“Do you wanna start over?” Luke asked softly. All of the sudden, Michael wasn’t sure why he’d ever hated Luke. He was so _nice_ , even after how Michael had acted.

“Are you sure you want to give me another chance?” he asked. Luke nodded.

“Course. You’re not that bad,” he said with a smile. Luke held out his hand. “I’m Luke, my favourite colour is blue, my favourite band is Good Charlotte, and I hate pineapple on pizza.” Michael laughed, reaching out to shake Luke’s hand.

“I’m Michael, my favourite colour is red, my favourite band is All Time Low, and I actually quite enjoy pineapple on pizza,” he replied. Luke pulled his hand away quickly and pulled a face of disgust.

“I take it back, we can’t be friends,” he joked. The two of them laughed, both feeling better now that the tension had been lifted. They picked up the discarded controllers and started a new round of FIFA, Luke claiming Michael’s last goal wasn’t fair since he’d been distracting him. After a few more rounds, both of them winning a few matches, they decided to lounge around and get to know each other. They moved up to sit on Michael’s bed, Michael resting against the headboard and Luke sitting at the foot of the mattress.

“You play guitar?” Luke asked, spotting the guitar standing in the corner of Michael’s room.

“A bit. I’m not very good,” Michael said. Luke rolled his eyes.

“That’s what they all say,” he said with a laugh. “I play a little too.” Michael raised his eyebrows.

“Really?” Luke nodded.

“I’ve always kinda wanted to post covers, but…” Luke trailed off.

“But what?” Michael asked. Luke shrugged.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I doubt anyone would watch them.”

“I would,” Michael said. “Would you just play guitar? Or do you like, sing or something?” he asked. Luke blushed.

“I sing,” he mumbled. Luke looked down at his hands, playing with a seam in his jeans.

“You should do it,” Michael said. “I’ll do it with you if you want, once I stop breaking strings,” he laughed. Luke looked up and smiled.

“I’m sure you’re amazing,” Luke said. Michael just shrugged. “I’ll do it if you do it with me,” Luke said after a moment.

“Okay, deal,” Michael agreed. They started discussing possible song ideas, which led to them talking about their favourite bands. They enjoyed a lot of the same music, and Michael found himself growing more and more impressed with Luke. The conversation came to a natural end, and they sat in comfortable silence. Michael shifted to lay down on his bed and Luke, being more at ease then when he’d first stepped into Michael’s room, joined him. Staring at the ceiling, Michael decided to ask more about Luke.

“Why did you move here?” Michael asked. Luke froze beside him. He frowned, wondering why Luke seemed so tense all of the sudden. He turned his head to look at the younger boy, who was pointedly looking at anywhere but Michael. After Luke didn’t answer, Michael sensed something was wrong. “You don’t have to tell me,” he said softly. Luke sighed and turned his head to look at Michael.

“I got bullied a lot,” Luke said quietly. He turned to look back at the ceiling. Michael pulled a face.

“Why?” he asked. Luke paused.

“You just stopped hating me. I don’t want to give you a reason to start again,” he said simply. This made Michael sit up. He looked at Luke, wishing the younger boy would meet his eyes.

“Why would I hate you? We have covers to record,” Michael said, trying to lighten the mood. Luke smiled slightly, but shook his head.

“I can’t,” was all Luke said. Michael nodded, not wanting to push him.

“Okay. But just so you know, if anyone tries to pick on you at school, tell me. I’ll kick their ass,” Michael said. Luke looked at him and smiled.

“Thanks,” he whispered. A mutual understanding passed through them, and Michael laid back down next to Luke.

“I’m glad you followed me home,” he said with a smile.

“Yeah, me too.”

***

Luke left around 9pm that night. Michael would’ve asked him to sleep over, but it was a school night and he wasn’t sure how Luke’s parents felt about things like that. After Luke had left, Michael knew he needed to call Calum. He pulled up Calum’s contact page, laughing at the picture for a minute before his stomach twisted up with guilt. Sure, he felt miles better after working things out with Luke, but Calum was his best friend. Michael actually cared what he thought, and he knew he had to apologize. He brought the phone to his ear, the line ringing only once before Calum picked up.

“Michael?” Calum asked quickly. He sounded upset, and Michael knew Calum had been worrying just as much as he had.

“I’m sorry,” Michael rushed out. “I was a dick and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you. You didn’t do anything wrong, I was just jealous. I was scared you were replacing me with Luke and I panicked and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Calum said, “I shouldn’t have tried to make you be friends with Luke. I just thought if you gave him a chance you might like him. You guys like a lot of the same things and he’s really nice, but I shouldn’t have tried to force it. And I’m sorry I upset you by hanging out with him. I would never replace you, Michael. I’d miss your bitchy ass too much,” he said with a laugh. Michael smiled. He felt so happy he could cry.

“I’m just glad you don’t hate me,” he said softly. Calum laughed.

“Never,” he said. They were both quiet for a minute. Michael decided he should probably tell Calum about his evening with Luke.

“Luke came over today,” he said. He heard Calum gasp.

“What?” he exclaimed, shocked. Michael laughed.

“Yeah, he followed me home. Caused a scene on my front step, so invited him in”

“He caused a scene so you invited him in? What the fuck, Michael?”

“I thought it was cool he called me out, I don’t know. We played FIFA and hung out. Decided to start over. I think we’re friends now,” Michael said.

“Wow. Well, I think that’s awesome. He’s nice, right?” Calum asked. Michael nodded to himself.

“Yeah, he is. Especially if he was willing to forgive me after what a dick he was. Plus you were right about the bands thing. We’re into a lot of the same music. We might play guitar together sometime,” he said.

“That’s great!” Calum replied. “So…does this mean we can all hangout tomorrow? Maybe sit together at lunch? I’ve missed you.”

“Of course,” Michael agreed. “I’ve missed you too.” They talked a while longer before Calum said he was tired. After they said goodnight, Michael hung up the phone and plugged it in to charge. He flopped down on his bed. It felt like everything was finally getting better. Calum didn’t hate him, and he’d actually made a new friend. Luke was better than Michael could’ve imagined. He kind of wanted to hit himself for ever hating the boy, but he decided not to dwell on it too much. If Luke could forgive him, he should at least try to forgive himself. He made a mental note to bring each of his friends a snack tomorrow. A peace offering.

***

The three of them sat together during Maths the next day; Calum beside Michael, and Luke in front of Calum. They occupied the back corner of the classroom, and had to be shushed more than once for talking too much. They couldn’t help it, all of them feeling like a weight had been lifted now that everything was resolved.

During English, Michael invited Luke to sit with him. He’d gotten to class early and put his bag on the desk beside him. He watched the door anxiously, waiting for Luke to get there. When Luke walked in, his eyes immediately found Michael. The older boy smiled, causing Luke to grin as he made his way over.

“I saved you a seat,” Michael said, reaching over to move his bag so Luke could sit down.

“Thanks,” Luke said. They talked about their last periods while they waited for class to start. The bell rang and their teacher, Mr. Tharson, stood up from his desk and walked to the front of the room.

“Okay class, take your seats,” he said. He started going on about their assignment from the last class and Michael tuned him out. He liked Mr. Tharson. He never gave him shit when he was late, and always give Michael a score that was a little bit higher than he knew he deserved. He looked over at Luke, who was looking intently at the front of the room. Michael smiled, finding the way Luke always wanted to pay attention both annoying and endearing. After last night, it didn’t take long for Michael to enjoy Luke’s company. Luke was funny, except when he was trying to be, and he was a nice addition to his and Calum’s duo. Luke looked over at him, smiling when he saw Michael already looking back. The older boy blushed at being caught and held Luke’s gaze for only a moment before he turned his attention back to Mr. Tharson. He was talking about a new assignment, so Michael decided he should tune back in.

“For the next assignment, I want you to work in pairs,” Mr. Tharson said. “You can pick your partner, but I’ll be picking the topic.” Michael turned to look at Luke at the mention of partners, only to find Luke was already looking at him. He raised his eyebrows and Michael nodded, agreeing that yes, they would be partners.

“The project will be a diary based on the topic you are given. You will receive your topic and then with your partner, go out into the world and find things relating to that topic. You’ll brainstorm together different activities you can do. I want you to plan five activities. After each activity you and your partner will each write your own journal entries about what you experienced. Each entry should be about 500 words. The idea is that it will give you some insight on how differently we each view the world. You’ll be experiencing the same things as your partner, but your entries will be completely different. The assignment will run for three weeks, which should be enough time to plan five outings. Any questions?” he asked.

Michael sat back in his desk. It was a lot to take in, but basically he’d be spending a lot of time with Luke, and then writing about it. That wouldn’t be so hard. It seemed like it could be a lot of fun, and it would be a great way to get to know Luke better. Mr. Tharson started calling out everyone’s names, asking them to bring their partner up to the front of the room with them. He marked down all of the pairs, and gave each pair a slip of paper. Michael heard his named get called. He stood up and walked to Mr. Tharson’s desk, Luke following closely behind him.

“Michael Clifford and Luke Hemmings,” Mr. Tharson said to himself, jotting their names down on a piece of paper. He reached into a little container and pulled out a slip of paper and handed it to Luke.

“Here’s your topic. Good luck!” They went back to their seats and Luke unfolded the slip of paper.

“What’s it say?” Michael asked. Luke read the word over again before handing the slip to Michael. He looked down at the small piece of paper.

“Beauty?” he scoffed. “Really?” Luke shrugged. Michael rolled his eyes and balled up the piece of paper.

“I wonder what everyone else got,” Luke said. Michael looked around, watching all of the pairs bent over together discussing what they should do for their projects.

“Probably something better than ‘beauty’,” Michael replied. “What the hell are we even supposed to do for an activity, go watch the sunset together?” Luke grabbed his pen and opened his notebook to a blank page. He wrote ‘BEAUTY’ at the top, and then underneath he wrote the word ‘sunset’. “I was kidding,” Michael said.

“Don’t care,” Luke laughed, “we’ve gotta come up with at least five things and watching the sunset sounds pretty damn easy.” Michael considered this.

“Good point,” he said. “What else?” They began brainstorming different ideas, adding ‘sunrise’ to the list.

“You can just stay over one night and we can pull an all-nighter. Kill two birds with one stone,” Michael said. Luke nodded. “Maybe it can even be three. Kicking your ass at FIFA is a beautiful thing,” Michael joked. Luke hit is arm playfully.

“I was just as good as you!” he laughed. They continued this back and forth until they had a list of five activities they could do. The list read: sunset, sunrise, beach, arcade, and museum. Michael argued that arcades could be beautiful because of the lights, so Luke wrote it down. Then Luke insisted that if Michael could say arcades were beautiful, he could say museums were. Michael had laughed at him and called him a nerd, but told him to write it down anyways. By the time class was over, they were both feeling good that they’d actually come up with a plan. They grabbed their lunches out of their lockers and headed to the cafeteria to meet up with Calum. Calum had already taken a seat at their usual table, looking up and smiling when he saw Luke and Michael walking towards him. They sat down, Michael beside Calum and Luke across from them. Michael pulled out three cookies from his bag and handed one to each of his friends.

“What’s this?” Calum asked, unwrapping the cookie and taking a bite.

“It’s a cookie, dipshit,” Luke answered. Michael shot him a proud look before taking a bite of his own cookie.

“Damn, Luke. You’ve been friends with Michael for less than 24 hours and he’s already rubbed off you,” Calum said, feigning hurt. Michael rolled his eyes at his friends.

“It’s a peace offering,” he said with a shrug.

“Thanks, Mikey,” Luke said. The nickname sounded nice to his ears. Calum swung an arm around Michael’s shoulder, cookie crumbs sticking to the side of his face.

“What do you know,” Calum said. “Looks like Luke’s been rubbing off on you too.” Michael and Luke exchanged looks, eyebrows raised, before looking back at Calum. After a minute, Calum got it. “Oh, you fucks! I didn’t mean it like that.” They all laughed and dug into their lunch. “How was English? Did you get that assignment?” Calum asked.

“Yeah, what was your topic?” Michael asked. Calum pulled a face.

“Community,” he groaned. Luke scrunched up his nose. Michael thought he looked like a little mouse. It was almost cute.

“Oh, that’s worse than ours,” Luke said.

“What did you get?” Calum asked.

“Beauty,” Michael answered. Calum slammed his face down on the table.

“That’s so easy!” he cried. “Just look at a fucking sunset or something!” Luke laughed, catching eyes with Michael.

“That’s first on our list, actually,” he laughed. “Who’s your partner?” Calum looked up from the table.

“This guy Ashton. He’s on the team, so at least we both have a partner who understands our schedule,” Calum explained. Michael nodded, remembering Ashton from one of the games he’d went to.

“He’s like, super friendly, right?” Michael asked. Calum nodded and took a bite of his sandwich.

“Thank god,” he said in between mouthfuls. "I’d hate to have been stuck with some asshole. Sorry Luke,” Calum teased. Michael shoved him, reaching for what was left of the cookie he’d given him.

“You’re a dick,” Michael said. “No peace cookie for you.” Calum pouted, making Michael sigh and take pity on him. Calum had the best puppy dog eyes. The rest of lunch was filled with easy banter and laughter. Michael was glad things had worked out between him and Luke. It was nice to have someone else around.

“We should all hangout tonight,” Calum said, just as the bell was ringing. “Maybe sleep over somewhere?” he asked, looking at Michael. He was the only one who didn’t have any siblings. Calum had an older sister, and he’d learned that Luke had two older brothers, one of which was away at college.

“Sure,” he said. “Come over around 8?” The two boys nodded before saying goodbye. Calum and Luke had Science together, while Michael had to suffer through History alone. At least he could look forward gym class with his friends, not to mention seeing them at his place tonight.

***

As promised, Calum and Luke showed up around 8, each carrying a bag with a change of clothes and a toothbrush. Michael had never had two people stay over before, so while he’d waited for his friends to show up he’d cleaned his bedroom so there was enough room for all of them. When Calum slept over the two of them usually shared a bed. It wasn’t weird, they’d been doing it since they were kids. This time he wasn’t sure where they would all sleep. He’d told his mom about them coming over, and she’d seemed a bit surprised that he was inviting Luke, but didn’t mention it. She pulled out an old blow up mattress and helped him set it up. She even offered to order them a pizza, Michael making sure he didn’t get any pineapple this time because of Luke. He opted for pepperoni, and while he was waiting for it to arrive, the doorbell rang. Michael got up from the couch and opened it to see Luke and Calum both standing on his front step. He let them in, telling them the pizza would be here soon.

“No pineapple, right?” Luke asked with a smiled. Michael pretended to be annoyed.

“No pineapple,” he said. Luke laughed, following him and Calum into his room.

“Cool, air mattress!” Calum cried, immediately tossing his bag onto it and laying down. “Dibs on this,” he said. Michael looked at Luke, who was sitting his own bag down and glancing around the room.

“You can share my bed with me,” Michael said, “but if you aren’t cool with that I can make Calum give up the air mattress.” Luke shrugged.

“I’m fine with sharing if you are,” he replied. The doorbell rang so Michael ran to get it. He paid the delivery guy and brought the pizza and a bottle of Coke to his room. Calum offered to grab cups and napkins. Once they were all settled, they set up Michael’s Xbox to play one of his games. It was nice, Michael thought, being a trio instead of a duo. He was getting more and more used to having Luke around, and it had only been a day. To think, they could’ve been doing this for weeks if Michael had only given him a chance. He pushed the thought out of his head, instead focusing on having fun with his friends.

After playing nearly every game Michael owned and watching some shitty horror movie Calum had suggested, all of them were getting tired. As if to confirm this, Luke let out a loud yawn. Michael smiled fondly.

“Tired?” he asked. Luke gave him a sleepy grin and nodded.

“Me too,” Calum agreed. They pushed their pizza mess to the side to be dealt with in the morning. Michael went to get on his bed, but then paused.

“Do you have a side?” he asked Luke. The younger boy looked confused. “Of the bed,” Michael clarified. Luke’s eyes flashed in realization and his eyebrows lifted.

“Oh,” he said, “no, I usually sleep in the middle. Whichever side you want is fine.” Michael nodded and crawled into the bed, lying on the side closest to the wall so Luke could slide in next to him. He adjusted the covers so they were both underneath comfortably and let his head hit the pillow. Calum turned out the lights before crawling into his own bed. Within a few minutes, Calum’s light snoring could be heard in the quiet room. Just as Michael was about to drift off himself, he felt the bed shift next to him. He opened his eyes to look at Luke just as the boy was turning around to face him.

“’m glad we’re friends,” Luke said softly. His voice was slick with exhaustion.

“Me too,” Michael replied, just as softly. Luke closed his eyes so Michael did the same. He heard Luke gulp and felt the bed shift again. Michael peeked his eyes open.

“You okay?” he whispered. Luke was now facing the ceiling, hands clutching the top of the sheets. He saw Luke take a deep breath.

“I need to tell you something, because we’re sharing a bed,” Luke said. His voice was so quiet. Michael had to strain to hear him, even laying this close.

“Okay,” Michael said quietly. Luke turned to look at him again.

“But I don’t want you to freak out because we’re sharing a bed,” Luke continued. Michael frowned. What was Luke going on about?

“I won’t freak out,” he promised. Luke was nervous, he could tell. But why? Suddenly Michael thought back to the other day, when he’d asked Luke about why he’d moved and Luke had gone all tense. It had come out of nowhere, and this seemed like the same kind of deal. “Does this have to do with why you moved?” he asked. Luke paused for a moment, and then nodded.

“I don’t want you to hate me. When people found out at my old school, it got so bad that I had to move. I can’t move again. My parents gave up everything for me, so even if you do hate me, you have to promise you won’t tell anyone,” Luke said. Calum let out a snore from underneath them.

“I promise,” Michael said. He lifted his pinky up between their faces, offering it to Luke. Luke smiled a little and hesitantly wrapped his own pinky with Michael’s. He took a deep breath.

“I’m gay,” Luke whispered. “I’m not like, gonna perv on you in your sleep or anything. I don’t like you like that. I just felt like if we were sharing a bed you should know, even though it shouldn’t change anything. I hope it doesn’t change anything. Please don’t freak out, I don’t want to wake up Calum and I would hate to have to call my mom and-“

“ _Luke_ ,” Michael hissed. He dropped Luke’s pinky. “I don’t hate you. Relax. It’s fine,” he said. Luke looked terrified, and Michael’s heart ached at how scared he must be. “You didn’t need to tell me, but it’s cool that you did,” he continued. “I’m sorry the kids at your old school were mean to you. But don’t worry, okay? It doesn’t matter, and I swear I won’t tell anyone.” Luke relaxed, exhaling heavily.

“Oh my god,” he said. “I was so scared,” he admitted. “When I told my old best friend, he’d freaked out and told the whole school.” Michael winced. “I didn’t want it to happen again,” Luke said. His voice wavered slightly, and Michael felt the need to reach out and comfort him. He scooted closer to Luke and let his arm wrap around the younger boy.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. He pulled Luke into an awkward hug, and Luke carefully brought his arm up to hug Michael back.

“Thank you,” Luke said, voice muffled by Michael’s shirt. Michael only squeezed him tighter. He let him go and pulled back to look at him.

“Now go to sleep,” he said with a smile. “You look like shit.” Luke laughed knowing Michael was just joking, and rolled over to finally go to sleep.

“Goodnight Mikey,” he whispered. Michael turned over to face the wall and smiled.

“Goodnight Luke.”


	3. what we see will defy explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "One of the tasks of true friendship is to listen compassionately and creatively to the hidden silences. Often secrets are not revealed in words, they lie concealed in the silence between the words or in the depth of what is unsayable between two people." - John O'Donohue

 

When Michael woke up, he was met with the sight of Luke drooling on his pillow. He scrunched up his nose and made a mental note to wash his sheets when his friends left. Reaching over Luke’s sleeping frame he grabbed his phone off of his bedside table. He clicked the home button checking the time – 10:00. He set the device down beside him and groaned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Turning his head, he caught a glimpse of Luke. His hair was falling on his forehead and his mouth was hanging open. Michael smiled, laughing softly at the sight of him. There was a groaning below him, and he sat up to find Calum just waking up.

“Morning,” Michael said. Calum only groaned louder, rolling over to push his face into the pillow. They’d been up pretty late, and Michael could only assume he hadn’t fully woken up yet. Luke stirred beside him; Calum’s loud moaning being enough to wake him from his slumber. His blue eyes fluttered open, long eyelashes brushing his cheeks. Michael looked down at him just as Luke was stretching his body upwards, arms raising above his head and knocking the blankets off.

“Hey,” Luke said, voice gruff with sleep.

“Morning,” Michael said. Luke smiled at him before turning to look down at Calum. The brown haired boy was now slowly sitting up, scratching the back of his head.

“I’m so fucking tired,” Calum rasped. Michael rolled his eyes and laughed.

“You were the first one to fall asleep,” he argued. Calum shot him a look.

“I was also the only one of us that went to a two hour footie practice right after gym class,” Calum said. Michael tilted his head in consideration.

“Okay, you win this time,” he said. Calum grinned smugly and stood up. He stretched his muscles and then slumped over.

“Can we eat now?” he asked. Michael nodded, giving Luke a light push so he could crawl out of the bed and let Michael out. Luke slowly climbed off the bed, feet shuffling over to the door. Michael followed behind him before pushing past, leading them to the kitchen. The three of them grabbed a few bowls, milk, and a box of cereal, and poured themselves each a portion. Spoons clanked against the glass dishes, all of them too tired to have much of a conversation. When they were finished, they put their bowls in the sink and filled them up with water. Michael could clean up later. They headed back to his room and decided to play a few rounds of FIFA before Calum and Luke had to go. The game woke them up and soon enough the banter had come back to life. When it was time for them to go, Michael helped them each gather their belongings before walking them to the door. Apparently Luke’s brother was picking him and Calum both up and would be there soon. Within a few minutes, Luke’s phone was buzzing letting him know his brother was outside.

“This was fun,” Luke said. “We should do it again soon.” The other two nodded in agreement and then said their goodbyes. Just as they were about to leave, Michael remembered something.

“Wait, Luke,” he said. Luke turned to look at him, eyebrows raised. “When do you wanna start that project?” Michael asked. Calum rolled his eyes.

“Save school for school,” he said, swinging his bag so it bumped against Michael’s thigh. Michael ignored him and looked at Luke.

“Whenever,” Luke replied. He dug into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He fiddled around on it for a minute and then handed it to Michael. “Here,” he said, “put your number in.” Michael took the phone from him, a blank contact page on the screen. He quickly typed his number in and put his name in as “Mikey” with a smiley face. He’d have to remind Luke to let him put a picture in later.

“There,” Michael said, hitting save and handing the phone back to Luke. The younger boy looked at the name on his phone and smiled.

“Thanks,” he said. “I’ll text you when I get home?” Michael nodded and then opened his front door to let his friends out. They said goodbye again and he closed the door behind them. His back hit the door, letting his head rest against it for a minute as he closed his eyes. He was still tired, but he knew he should probably clean up a bit before his mom got upset. With that, he headed to the kitchen to put their breakfast dishes in the dishwasher. After he wiped the counters and the table, he tossed the cloth near the sink and headed back to his room. He glanced at the empty pizza box sitting in the corner. Just looking at it made him want nothing to do with. Falling back onto his bed, he resolved to tidying his room after. His eyes were heavy and he wanted to sleep. Before he could even talk himself out of it, his eyes were slipping shut and his breathing evened out.

 

***

 

When he woke up the sun was shining in brightly through his bedroom window. Magnificent rays shone across the room, a heavenly glow filling the space like how they would appear in a movie. It was quite beautiful to wake up to and Michael smiled, letting himself enjoy the moment of peace. His mind was brought to the topic of his English project and for a second he wished Luke was here so they could write about dust particles dancing in the light. _Shit_ , he thought. He fumbled for his phone, pulling it out of his pants pocket. It was warm from where he’d been sleeping on it. Turning it on, he saw he had three missed texts. One was from Calum and two were from an unknown number. Michael decided to open the text from Calum.

 **calpal** [13:57] _what were u and luke talkin bout last nite?_

Michael frowned. He’d thought Calum was asleep, but then again he could’ve woken up after he’d kept talking with Luke. His mind went back to last night. He’d almost forgotten what the younger boy had told him. Luke had been so nervous, and Michael chewed on his lip debating what he should say to Calum. He’d told Luke he wouldn’t tell anyone, and while he hated keeping secrets from Calum, he wasn’t about to go and break Luke’s trust. Luke had told him that in confidence, and Michael may be a dick sometimes, but he knew when not to cross a line.

Luke coming out to him had been a bit of a shock. Michael had never imagined Luke was gay. In fact, he’d assumed Luke was the type to have a plethora of girls lining up to date him. Michael didn't care though. Luke was nice and the two of them had so much in common. He already loved spending time with the younger boy. Michael wasn’t gay, but he could accept when someone was attractive. Luke was the perfect mix of awkward and cute, nerdy and sweet. He hadn’t quite grown in to his looks yet but his limbs were long and gawky. Within a few years, Michael had the feeling Luke would be taller than him. His stomach twisted at the thought. He liked being taller than people, and after last night Michael had began feeling the need to protect the smaller boy. He couldn’t very well do that if Luke was some giant, could he? The dynamic would be wrong.

Shaking his head, he let his thumbs hover over the message space before composing a text.

[16:32] _nothing rly_

He hit send and then opened up the text from the unknown number.

 **unknown sender** [13:12] _hi :)_

 **unknown sender** [13:12] _it’s luke btw_

Michael smiled down at his phone, thumbs moving quickly as he typed a reply.

[16:34] _hey, sry i took a nap lol_

Just as he was about to sit his phone down it vibrated in his hand.

 **unknown sender** [16:34] _oh ok good_

 **unknown sender** [16:35] _i thought u gave me a fake # lol_

Michael laughed, adding Luke to his contacts before replying.

[16:36] _why would i do that?_

 **luke :-)** [16:37] _idk i got anxious lol_

 **luke :-)** [16:37] _i hope i didn’t freak u out last night…_

[16:38] _i already told u it was fine lol stop stressin_

 **luke :-)** [16:38] _ok cool :)_

[16:38] _r u busy later? we should start the project soon if we wanna do an all nighter for our first activity_

[16:39] _ik u just slept over but i mean this time we wouldnt b sleepin so it doesn’t count :-P_

 **luke :-)** [16:40] _hold on_

 **luke :-)** [16:45] _i can b there in an hr? if we wanna catch the sunset we shld prolly meet soon_

[16:46] _okie see u soon :-)_

Michael clicked his phone off and went out to grab something to eat before Luke came over. When he entered the kitchen his mom was sitting at the table, sipping a cup of tea and reading a book.

“How was your nap?” she asked him without looking up. He opened the fridge and bent over, trying to find something that would be quick to make. His eyes landed on a container of noodles.

“It was good. Can I eat this?” he asked, holding up the container. She looked over and nodded. He popped the lid off and stuck the dish in the microwave.

“Did you have fun last night?” his mom asked. Michael set the timer for two and half minutes and then leaned his ass against the counter.

“Yeah,” he answered.

“What’s Luke like?” she asked him, taking another sip of her tea. Michael smiled.

“He’s nice. He’s coming over later to work on an English project, if that’s okay,” he added. His mother nodded and smiled at him.

“Sure. I’m glad you two aren’t fighting anymore.” The timer beeped behind him and he spun around to open the microwave door

“We weren’t fighting,” he lied, carefully grabbing the container and putting it on the counter. He opened a drawer and pulled out a fork. “We just didn’t like each other.” Stirring the noodles, Michael watched as the steam rose from the dish. He picked it up and went over to sit across from his mom at the table.

“Well whatever the case, I’m glad you two worked things out,” she said. Michael nodded, lifting a forkful of noodles towards his mouth. They were hot, but good. He glanced at the clock, seeing that it read 5:10. Within the next few minutes, he’d finished the noodles and pushed his chair back.

“I’m going to clean up before Luke gets here,” Michael said, dropping the container in the sink.

“What’s the point, you’re just going to make a mess again,” she teased. Michael rolled his eyes once his back was turned to her, but laughed anyways. He went to his room and cleaned up the mess from the pizza and took it to the garbage outside. Then, he deflated the air mattress and folded it up, shoving it into the linen closet across the hall. After finishing up with a few odds and ends, Michael went out to sit in the living room and wait for Luke. It only took a few minutes before the doorbell rang, and Michael was jumping up to open the door. Luke was standing there, wearing a light blue shirt that matched his eyes and a pair of ripped blue jeans. His backpack was slung over his shoulder. He smiled upon seeing Michael, stepping passed the threshold once the older boy moved aside. Michael closed the door behind him.

“Hey,” he said to Luke. “Ready for this?” Luke nodded.

“I took a nap too, after I sent you the text,” he answered. “Good thing too, considering we were up late last night. I might not make it through the night,” Luke confessed. Michael laughed.

“I’ve got coffee we can chug,” he said. “If we pass out, we can just bullshit something or think of something else to write about.” They went to Michael’s room to sit Luke’s things down.

“Where are we gonna watch the sunset?” Luke asked. Michael frowned. He hadn’t considered that. He squinted his eyes in concentration before snapping his fingers. Luke raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“There’s this park a few blocks away,” Michael explained. “We could go there?” Luke agreed, grabbing his phone and a sweater out of his backpack. Michael grabbed a sweater for himself and the two of them headed towards the front door.

“Where are you two going?” came his mom’s voice. Michael turned around to look at her. She was still sitting at the table reading her book.

“The park,” he said. Luke waved shyly beside him.

“Hi Mrs. Clifford,” he greeted her. Michael’s mom smiled at him and set her book down.

“Hi dear, you must be Luke. Please, call me Karen,” she said. Luke gave her a nod. “Be back before it gets too late, okay?” Karen said, addressing Michael.

“We will!” Michael shouted, opening the door and pulling Luke out with him. They walked to the park, making light conversation along the way. The air was crisp, and both of them were glad they’d brought sweaters with them. The sun was already starting to get low in the sky, so Michael grabbed Luke’s hand and started running.

“C’mon,” he panted. “There’s a hill at the park. We’ll have a great view.” The two of them ran the rest of the distance, coming up to the park entrance within a couple of minutes. They stopped running once they stepped on to the path leading into the park, and Michael dropped Luke’s hand. On the left there were a few benches set up. Across from the benches there was a playground with a swing set, a slide, and a jungle gym. Behind the playground was the hill Michael had mentioned, and the two of them headed towards it. The hill wasn’t very big, but it was big enough that it gave them some height so they could watch the sunset dip below the horizon without any buildings getting in their way. They climbed up to the top of the hill and took in their surroundings. The sun looked bigger from up here, and Luke’s eyes widened at the sight. Michael turned over to look at him, smiling at the younger boy’s expression before plopping down on the grass. He crossed his legs and lifted his head to stare up at Luke. The blue eyed boy paid no attention, captivated by the way the sun was starting to set, kissing the tops of the trees in the distance. Michael tugged on the bottom of Luke’s pant leg until he looked down at Michael. Luke grinned and lowered his body so he was sitting next to the older boy. Their knees brushed, and Michael couldn’t help but notice how warm Luke was. It was a nice contrast to the chilly breeze.

“Okay, I’m not gonna lie,” Luke started, “that’s beautiful.” Michael hummed in agreement, looking out over their little town. He could see over the tops of the houses below, the light from the steadily setting sun shining brilliantly through the surrounding trees. He pulled out his iPod and his headphones, flicking through his music until he found something he liked. His hand bumped Luke’s shoulder as he offered him an earbud. Luke took it, sliding the bud in his ear. He nodded in approval at Michael’s song choice. _Wake Me Up When September Ends_ played softly in the background as the two of them watched the sunset. Within a few minutes, the entire sky lit up with an exhilarating glow. It really was beautiful, and Michael could think of a lot of worse ways he could be spending his evening.

It didn’t take long for the sun to go down, and pretty soon the world around them had gone dark. The only lights came from the streetlights below and the glow of Michael’s iPod. The two of them sat in comfortable silence, listening to music and looking at the sky. Suddenly, Michael’s earbud was being tugged from his ear. He turned over to find Luke leaning back to lie in the grass.

“Sorry,” Luke said, picking up the fallen headphone and pressing it back into Michael’s ear. He laid down beside Luke, directing his attention to the view above them. A few stars could be seen littered across the dark sky. “We could count stargazing as an activity,” Luke said, “just in case I fall asleep before the sunrise.” Michael smiled and nodded his head lightly, not wanting to knock out his earbud again. The world was silent save for the music playing quietly in their ears. Michael wasn’t sure how long they laid there, just looking at the stars. Time seemed to escape them, both of them content with their backs in the grass, counting the stars above their heads. Michael turned to look at Luke, who was staring intently at the sky. His blue eyes shone even in the darkness. The side of Luke’s face looked soft and Michael got the strangest urge to reach out and touch it, but he refrained. He furrowed his eyebrows at himself and turned his attention back to the sky. Luke took no notice, only moving to let out a shiver when a particularly strong gust of wind came. He pulled the bud from his ear and sat up, Michael following suit.

“I’m cold,” Luke said, and Michael noticed he was shaking slightly.

“D’you want my sweater?” he offered, already reaching to unzip it. Luke stopped Michael’s hands and shook his head.

“I’m fine,” he answered, “we should probably head back anyways.” Michael nodded and stood up, brushing the stray pieces of grass from his behind. When he felt like he was grass-free, he held a hand out to Luke. The younger boy took his hand and pushed off of the ground, not letting Michael pull his entire weight. “Thanks,” Luke said.

They took off down the hill and headed back to Michael’s house, opening the door quietly and slipping inside. The lights were all out, signifying his mom had gone to bed. They tiptoed down the hall to Michael’s room and turned on the light.

“Wanna play a game?” Michael asked, gesturing to his Xbox. Luke nodded and the two of them sat down to spend the next few hours willing their eyes to stay awake. After a couple of hours, Michael snuck out to the kitchen to make them each a cup of coffee. He was boiling the water when he heard a shuffling noise behind him.

“Where’s your dad?” Luke asked. Michael turned around, a pair of mugs held loosely in his hand. His eye twitched, but Luke didn’t seem to notice. He hesitated, turning back to the counter and setting the mugs down.

“Dunno,” Michael replied. He busied himself grabbing spoons and sugar. “Do you take yours with milk or cream?” he asked, glancing at Luke over his shoulders. Luke was giving him a funny look, but then he shrugged it off.

“Doesn’t matter,” Luke said. “Whatever you have is fine.” Michael nodded, grabbing the milk from the fridge and sitting it on the counter next to the mugs.

“He left when I was young,” Michael said, voice uninterested. “He could be anywhere.” Luke’s face flashed in understanding and the subject was dropped. It wasn’t like Michael cared. He’d never known his father, but he wasn’t bitter about it. His life was good, and his mom had done a fine job raising him. They’d never struggled financially as far as he knew and he didn’t hold any grudges against the man that was supposed to be his dad.

“Should we write the journal entry or whatever?” Luke asked, walking up beside the other boy. Michael poured them each a cup of coffee and handed a spoon to Luke, letting him prepare his to his own liking.

“I guess,” he said. “Do we just write it on normal paper, or were we supposed to actually write it in a journal?” Michael asked. Luke shrugged.

“Normal paper should be fine. Mr. Tharson didn’t really specify.” They fixed their drinks and headed back to Michael’s room. After setting their mugs down where they wouldn’t spill, they grabbed their notebooks and sprawled out across the floor. Luke handed a pen to Michael and Michael thanked him. He took his iPod out and plugged it into a speaker near his television, turning the volume down so he wouldn’t wake his mom.

He looked at the blank paper in front of him, unsure where to start. After a few minutes, Michael looked over at Luke who was sitting in the same position as him.

“I don’t know what to write,” Luke said. Michael nodded in agreement and sat his pen down.

“We could always work on it during class right?” Michael asked, pausing the music.

“Probably,” Luke said. “D’you wanna watch a movie instead?” Michael grinned, hopping up and grabbing his coffee and the remote, before switching off the light and crawling onto his bed.

“You comin?” he asked Luke. The younger boy took his own mug and sat down on the bed beside Michael. The way they were sitting caused their arms to press together and their thighs to touch, but Michael didn’t mind. He cast his attention to the channel menu on the TV. They flipped through the channels looking for something to watch. There wasn’t much on, but they finally settled on the 1971 version of _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_.

About an hour into the movie, Luke’s eye began to droop. They’d finished their coffee and put their mugs on the table beside Michael’s bed. Luke yawned and Michael twisted his head to look at him. Luke was rubbing his eyes trying to stay awake.

“Are you falling asleep on me already?” Michael asked with a chuckle. Luke looked up at him, eyes wide and frowning.

“’m not,” he mumbled, “my eyes are just itchy.” Michael scoffed.

“Sure they are,” he said. Luke pouted and dropped his head on Michael’s shoulder.

“’m _tired_ , okay?” Luke groaned. “Is that what you want to hear?” Michael laughed.

“Yes,” he teased. Their eyes met and Luke smiled, sleepiness evident on his face. He curled up a little, pressing his body against Michael’s.

“Does this bother you?” Luke asked. “I swear it’s not cause I’m gay, I just like to cuddle.”

“Cuddling isn’t a gay thing, Luke,” Michael pointed it. Luke shrugged.

“I don’t know how you think,” he said. “Some people are all _‘oh it’s fine’_ and then the second you go near them they freak out,” Luke explained.

“We literally shared a bed,” Michael laughed. “If I was gonna freak out, don’t you think I’d have done it by now?” he asked. “It doesn’t matter who you like, Luke. Besides, Calum and I have been friends since we were six, and I’d be lying if I said we’ve never cuddled.”

“Okay, good point,” Luke said. They were quiet for a while, watching the TV flash different colours in the room.

“How did you know?” Michael whispered.

“What, that I was gay?” Luke asked. Michael nodded, looking back down at him. “I don’t know. It wasn’t like, some big revelation, but I hadn’t always known either. I guess I figured it out when all of my friends were talking about girls and I was too busy looking at boys to notice any. I don’t think I knew that liking boys was any different than liking girls,” Luke said.”Not until my best friend, James, asked me who I liked and I said that Matthew was cute and he freaked out. I guess I always just thought that when you liked someone, that was it. There weren’t any mechanics to it. But I guess I was wrong,” he finished. Michael was silent.

“It shouldn’t have mattered,” Michael said after a while. Luke shook his head.

“No, but it did. It does,” he whispered.

“Not to me,” Michael said softly. Luke looked at him and smiled, pressing the side of his face firmly against Michael’s arm.

“I’m glad,” Luke said. Michael snuck an arm around Luke’s shoulders and let it fall comfortable on the smaller boy’s frame. Luke tucked himself into the embrace and Michael felt his heart grow three sizes. There was a lump forming in his throat, but he wasn’t sure why. He swallowed it down.

“You can sleep, if you want to,” Michael said quietly, “I can always wake you up before the sunrise.” Luke paused.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “What if you fall asleep?” Michael shrugged lightly, not wanting to push Luke off.

“Then we miss it, and we write about the beauty of sleep,” he countered. Luke snorted.

“Beauty sleep,” he said giggling. This time Michael shoved him off.

“Oh my god, Luke, shut up,” he said, but he was smiling, so Luke didn’t take it to heart. He crawled over Michael’s lap so he could lie down on the bed. Michael scooted over so Luke could pull the covers up. He hesitated for moment before sliding under the covers with him. Luke raised his eyebrows at the older boy.

“What?” Michael asked. “My back hurts. I can still see the TV.” Luke chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t say anything,” he said softly. They lay there facing each other for a while. Luke appeared to be mulling something over in his head. Before Michael could wonder what it was, Luke was shimming closer to him and tucking his head into Michael’s chest.

“Is this okay?” Luke’s voice came, muffled against the fabric of Michael’s shirt and the blankets. Michael pushed one arm underneath Luke’s head and wrapped his other around Luke’s body. On doing this, Luke wrapped his own arm around Michael and cuddled in closer. He was vaguely aware how this might look to an outsider, but he was comfortable and Luke was warm. It didn’t mean anything.

“Yeah,” Michael answered, letting his chin rest on the top of Luke’s head. He grabbed the remote to turn the volume down so Luke could sleep. Just as he thought the younger boy had fallen asleep, he heard Luke’s voice.

“I think I needed to meet someone like you,” he said softly. Michael frowned, eyebrows knitting together. Luke must really be tired, Michael thought. He wasn’t making any sense. The words played over in his head. It was a nice sentiment, but Michael wasn’t sure he deserved it. He hadn’t exactly been very nice to Luke at the beginning, but Luke had been nothing but nice to him despite that. After a bit more thought, Michael started to understand what Luke was saying. He still wasn’t sure why Luke had said it to him, but when he thought about Luke the statement made sense. Luke was warm and forgiving. He’d called Michael out, yelling at him on his doorstep, but when Michael invited him in Luke had followed. He’d been willing to trust Michael and give him a second chance, even though Michael still didn’t feel like he deserved it. Luke brought a shift into Michael’s life, and he could already feel himself becoming attached to the blue eyed boy.

“I think I needed to meet someone like you too,” Michael whispered finally. He glanced down, but Luke’s eyes were already shut. Michael sighed, looking back at the TV just as Willy Wonka was breaking out of the chocolate factory in a flying elevator. His tightened his grip protectively around the boy in his arms, and he soon found himself unable to keep his eyes open. The last thought he had before he fell asleep was of him and Luke floating up into the air, bubbles bursting around them and a golden sunset illuminating a pair of bright blue eyes.


	4. leave out all the rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I guess what scares me the most now is the thought that I won't be able to protect you” - Julia Hoban  
>  
> 
> Author's Note: Trigger warning for this chapter. One of the characters has an anxiety attack, so if that triggers you I would stop reading at the 'bathroom' scene. You'll know when it's coming. If you want to know what happens you're more than welcome to send me a message (off anon please!) on [tumblr](http://pilotmikey.tumblr.com) and I'll let you know what happens! If you get triggered easily by things like anxiety please make sure you stay safe and read with caution.

When they woke up, their legs were slotted together and Luke’s head was lying on Michael’s chest. His eyelashes were splayed out across the tops of his cheekbones, and Michael had the fleeting thought that Luke looked beautiful when he slept. The sun was beaming in through the window, and Michael used his hand that wasn’t compromised by Luke’s sleeping body to rub at his eyes. His body jostled and the boy on his chest groaned. Luke opened his eyes slowly and looked up at Michael. On realizing their position he blushed, pushing himself away from the older boy.

“’m sorry,” Luke mumbled, “I didn’t mean to end up on top of you.” Michael shook his head and sat up.

“It’s fine,” he said, ignoring the shiver that went through his body once Luke was no longer pressed against him.

“You fell asleep,” Luke said, posing the question as a statement. Michael nodded and stretched.

“Yeah, not too long after you did actually,” he said with a shrug. “We can just write about the stars or something, no big deal,” Michael added. “As long as it’s something we did together Mr. Tharson won’t mind, right?”

“No probably not. He’s really chill about things,” Luke noted. It was true; Mr. Tharson was one of the most laidback teachers at their school.

“I like him,” Michael confessed. “He’s always been really nice to me.”

The rest of the morning consisted of cereal and video games. Luke couldn’t stay long, insisting that his mom would want him home for at least a few hours that weekend. Once he’d left, Michael thought back to what Luke had said before he’d fallen asleep.

_“I think I needed to meet someone like you.”_

He smiled at the memory, flopping down onto his bed and pressing his face into the pillow. It smelled different than usual, and he pulled back to look at it. It was the one Luke had been using, and Michael recognized his scent on the pillowcase. Luke smelled like apples and fresh linen, along with the unmistakable smell of _boy_. Michael stared at the pillow for a moment before pulling it underneath his head and lying back down. He closed his eyes and thought of the sunset the two of them had watched together. He remembered the way the grass had felt tickling his neck, and the feeling of Luke’s arm pressed against his own. Michael couldn’t help but feel like the evening would’ve been a nice date. If he had a girlfriend, he wondered if he might take her up to the top of the hill. He wondered if they would lie on the grass and listen to music through the same headphones. Would they watch the stars together? Would they come back to his house and cuddle up on his bed? Would he have as much fun with her as he had with Luke?

Michael had never had a proper girlfriend. Sure, he’d wanted to, and he’d had a few flings throughout his years. He had his first kiss when he was 14 with a girl named Becca. She was nice and her hair was soft. The two of them had gone for a walk after class and she had kissed him beside the girl’s bathroom. Michael had asked her out the next day but she said no, and he saw her with an upperclassman named Jon a week later.

His mind drifted and Michael wondered what it would be like to kiss Luke. Luke’s lips were pink, not as vibrant as Michael’s own, but they were full in size and looked soft. He would probably have to stand on his tiptoes to reach, or Michael would have to bend down. He wondered if kissing Luke would be better than kissing Becca.

His eyes flew open. _What the fuck am I doing_ , he thought. Why was he thinking about kissing Luke? He barely even knew the kid. They’d only officially been friends for three days, and while they got on well, Michael hardly knew him. He knew that Luke’s favourite colour was blue and that he hated pineapple on his pizza. He knew that Luke got bullied for being gay, and that he was good at FIFA. Luke played guitar and he sang and he had great taste in music. What else? Luke loved watermelon and put three scoops of sugar in his coffee. He liked playing footie with his brothers and going to the beach. Michael knew that Luke had taken dance lessons for two years when he was seven and Michael had laughed when Luke told him, face red with embarrassment. Okay, so he knew a little about Luke. He knew that Luke liked to cuddle, and that he was afraid of rejection. Luke liked to make friends, but his fear of coming out made it hard for him to connect well with others. He was shy and paid attention to detail, and he liked Cherry Cola but hated cherries. Michael had gotten to know Luke fairly well in the past few days, and his heart thumped a little harder in his chest at the realization. People don’t usually become friends this quickly, and after only three days Michael was struggling to think of a time when Luke wasn’t around. It seemed he was always in the back of Michael’s mind, which shouldn’t make sense - except it did. Luke was the first real friend he’d made since Calum, and that had happened years ago. It didn’t help that for the past two nights Luke had been in his bed, pressed up against him and invading Michael’s dreams.

He sat up and sighed. There was too much going on in his head. He fished around for his phone, spotting it on the floor beside the sweater he’d worn last night. Getting up, he went over to retrieve it and clicked the home button, screen coming to life. There were four new messages, so he opened up the app to see what they were.

 **calpal** [16:57] _liar_

The message was from yesterday, and Michael frowned. What was Calum talking about? He read through their earlier texts and came to the realization. Michael had shrugged it off when Calum had asked about his conversation with Luke, not wanting to out the younger boy without his consent. There were two other texts from Calum.

 **calpal** [17:01] _u know I can keep a secret_

 **calpal** [17:05] _pls? :(_

He sighed, hating the fact that he had to lie to Calum. But there was no way he was going to tell him about Luke until Luke was ready and said it was okay.

[12:24] _hey, sry i was with luke doin that project & i didnt check my phone_

[12:25] _i can’t tell u ok? talk to luke_

He exited the chat with Calum and opened up the other text he’d missed. This message was from today.

 **luke :-)** [11:43] _last night was fun :)_

Smiling at the text, he typed out a reply.

[12:26] _it was :-)_

Pausing, he wondered if he should’ve added something about the project. Deciding against it, he clicked the message box again and started typing.

[12:27] _calum msgd me the other day asking about what u’d told me. i guess he heard us talkin the nite u both slept over. i said it was nothing but he didnt believe me so i told him 2 talk 2 u._

 **luke :-)** [12:29] _oh._

 **luke :-)** [12:29] _do u think i should tell him?_

[12:30] _hed be cool about it, dont worry. only tell him if u want 2 tho_

 **luke :-)** [12:31] _he just texted me, i’m gonna do it_

 **luke :-)** [12:31] _wish me luck_

 **luke :-)** [12:32] _im so nervous_

[12:33] _itll be fine trust me, dont worry :-)_

[12:33] _let me kno what happens_

He closed the app and went out to the kitchen to get something to it. When he came back there were five texts waiting for him, two from Calum and three from Luke.

 **calpal** [12:37] _luke just told me he was gay!!!_

 **calpal** [12:38] _lets find him a bf STAT!!!_

Michael laughed, knowing that his friend would be completely okay with Luke’s sexuality. However, the thought of Luke getting a boyfriend made him from frown. Did Luke even want a boyfriend? He typed out an ‘ _lol’_ and opened the messages from Luke.

 **luke :-)** [12:35] _i did it_

 **luke :-)** [12:35] _ohmygodsjgkdjdngjk im so scared_

 **luke :-)** [12:36] _can i call u????_

Instead of replying, he opened up Luke’s contact and hit ‘call’. It only took two rings for the other boy to pick up.

“Oh my god,” Luke said when he answered. “Where did you go?”

“I went to get food,” Michael replied. “How did it go?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“It was okay,” Luke said. He sounded uncertain. “He said it was cool, but what if he was lying? What if he just said that to make me feel better? My stomach is still all twisty,” he continued. Michael laughed, cutting Luke off.

“Dude, relax,” he said, “Calum texted me.”

“Oh my god, what did he say?”

“He said ‘Luke just told me he was gay’ with a bunch of exclamation marks, and then said we had to find you a boyfriend,” Michael giggled. “Trust me, he’s totally cool with it. I told you you had nothing to worry about.” He heard Luke let out a breath, and he could picture the relief on his face.

“Thank god,” Luke sighed. “Not too sure I want you and Calum hooking me up though, no offense,” he said laughing.

“None taken,” Michael said. “The last thing we need is for you to start ditching us for your super hot boyfriend.” He heard Luke laugh.

“Oh, did you have someone in mind? Maybe I’ll have to reconsider,” Luke replied. Michael’s fist clenched slightly, but he ignored it.

“No, no one in mind. Besides, like I said, we can’t have you running off with some guy before we finish our English project,” Michael said. He wasn’t really worried about the project, but Luke didn’t need to know that.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Luke said after a moment. His voice was soft, and the sound forced a smile to emerge on Michael’s face.

“Good,” he said quietly. The two of them talked for a while before Luke said he had to go, something about picking his brother up and going out for an early dinner. They said goodbye, and Michael spent the rest of the evening wondering why the thought of Luke having a boyfriend made him so upset.

 

***

 

The next week at school was a blur of classes and hanging out with Calum and Luke. The three of them hung out nearly every day, and when Calum was at football practice, Michael and Luke would go over to one of their houses and fiddle around on their guitars until Calum showed up. The first thing Michael noticed when he and Luke had started playing together was that Luke was _really good_ at singing. He was much better at the guitar than Michael was, but even after a few days of practicing Michael was already improving. Luke was constantly giving him praise, and moving his fingers to the right notes when Michael made a mistake. Luke was shy at first - not that Michael was surprised – but after an hour of messing around, Luke started humming along to the music. Before long he was belting out the lyrics, Michael joining in softly in the background. It was a nice way to spend the afternoon, and Michael was looking forward to filming a cover with the younger boy.

During English class, Mr. Tharson gave them time to work on their journal entries and helped students figure out different activities they could do. It turns out ‘beauty’ wasn’t a very a hard topic to have gotten, and after hearing some of the other options Michael and Luke were content with what they’d been given.

Michael still hadn’t written about the sunset, or whatever he was going to use as the second activity. Luke had already started, saying he was going to write about the stars. On Friday, Michael decided he should probably get started. He pulled out his notebook and flipped to a blank sheet of paper. He tapped his pen on the corner of the page, watching the little ink spots start to fill up the space. With a sigh, he focused on the task at hand and started to think. He wrote the word ‘sunset’ on the top of the page. Memories from that night flashed in his head. He decided to just start writing. It was a journal entry, right? It didn’t have to be perfect. After 20 minutes, he had written what he thought was 500 words. Looking over the page, he started reading from the beginning.

_“Luke and I decided to watch the sunset last week. We went to the park near my house and climbed to the top of the hill. We sat in the grass and shared my headphones. The sun looked huge from up there, and everything looked like it was glowing orange. The hill isn’t very big, but it was high enough that we could see over the houses and stuff. It was kind of cold but it wasn’t bad enough that I wanted to go home. In fact, it would have been nice to stay longer, but it got dark pretty quickly. The sun didn’t take long to go down. One minute it was shining behind the trees and the next it was gone. It was pretty though. The trees had a golden lining to them, and everything seemed to light up. Luke looked like he’d never seen a sunset before. Maybe he hadn’t. His eyes had gone all wide and he just stared. I wonder if it was his first time seeing one. Maybe I should’ve asked him. I wonder what he’s writing about. He probably remembers the details a lot better than I do._

_This might sound really lame but as beautiful as the sunset was, I think the feeling I had watching it was beautiful too. I felt really content, like there was nothing else I had to do but sit there with Luke. I didn’t feel like I was there because of a project. It felt like we were just sitting on a hill, looking at the sun go down because we wanted to. I remember feeling like I could’ve stayed up there for a long time, because everything felt so peaceful. When the sun went down we both laid in the grass and looked at the stars. That probably sounds lame too, but it was nice. We were still sharing my headphones and Luke would point out different stars that he thought might be planets. I wonder if they were. I haven’t done that in a long time. Look at the stars, I mean. Or watch the sunset for that matter. Not since I was a little kid anyways. Maybe I should start doing it more. I wouldn’t mind it if Luke came with me. It was nice to just lie there and not have to think about anything. Sometimes it feels like there’s too much going on, like there’s never any break to life. But that night on the hill felt so separate from the rest of the world. There weren’t a thousand thoughts buzzing in my head. It was just me and Luke, and nothing else seemed to matter.”_

It probably wasn’t as good as what Luke had written, but he was satisfied. After reading through it again, he realized he’d written about the stars in the same entry as the sunset. I figured he could just write about something else he’d done that night, and if Mr. Tharson wondered why they were different he could just explain. He looked over at Luke who was doodling a picture of a rabbit in his notebook and listening to music. Michael leaned over to get a better look at the drawing, but when he moved his notebook slid off the desk and hit the floor. Luke pulled out one of his headphones and looked over at Michael. He leaned down to grab the book and handed it to the older boy.

“You’re clumsy,” he said. Michael wrinkled his nose at Luke.

“You literally fell up the stairs yesterday,” Michael said. “You don’t get to judge me.” Luke’s face reddened at the memory and he reached over to give Michael a playful shove.

“Shut up, that hurt,” he said. The bell rang and the two of them gathered their things and headed to the cafeteria. They sat down at their usual table and waited for Calum. After five minutes had passed, the other boy still hadn’t shown up.

“I wonder where he is,” Michael said, sending Calum a text.

[12:11] _where are u?_

Just as he hit send, Luke was pointing over Michael’s shoulder.

“There he is,” Luke said. Michael turned around and sure enough Calum was walking into the cafeteria, weaving through the tables. When he reached their table, he pulled his chair back and sat down in a huff.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said. “We got a new student and _‘lucky me’_ got picked to show him around,” Calum said, digging in to his lunch.

“Another new student?” Michael asked with a frown. “Don’t we already have enough of those?” he asked, making side-eyes at Luke. The blue eyed boy pouted and Michael smiled, sliding his cookie over to Luke. “I’m kidding. Forgive me?” Luke’s eyes lit up as he took the cookie, opening the package and taking a bite. Calum rolled his eyes at the pair, chewing a bite of his sandwich.

“Yeah, some kid named James. He transferred here a few days ago but didn’t show up until today. Who starts school on a Friday?” Calum said. “Doesn’t that seem kinda stupid? I think it’s stupid.”

“It does seem pretty stupid,” Michael agreed. He glanced over at Luke only to find him looking paler than usual. He’d sat the cookie down and was now staring at Calum.

“James? Where did he transfer from, did he say?” Luke asked, voice sounding panicked. Michael frowned, trying to think of why Luke might be acting so strange. Sure, the name James sounded familiar, but it wasn’t exactly a rare name. Michael could think of four James’ at their school. He gave Luke a funny look and tilted his head.

“Not sure,” Calum answered, “he didn’t say. I think his last name was Porter? Maybe Parker?” he said, taking another bite of his sandwich.

“James Parker?” Luke deadpanned. Calum nodded, brushing the crumbs off of his mouth. Luke looked around the room, head spinning quickly. He was freaking Michael out.

“What’s wrong?” Michael asked him. Luke made another scan of the room before his eyes flitted back over to Michael. He looked scared, and Michael’s protective instincts were starting to kick in.

“I have to go,” Luke said, pushing his chair back and standing up. “I have to go right now.” Luke turned and walked out of the cafeteria, leaving all of his belongings behind him. Calum and Michael exchanged a confused look before Michael stood up too.

“I’ll be right back. Watch our things?” he asked Calum. The boy nodded and Michael turned to chase after Luke. He stepped out of the cafeteria and glanced around, trying to catch a glimpse of Luke’s blond hair. He stood up on his toes, trying to see over the heads of the students mulling around. Just when he was about to give up and text Luke, Michael saw him heading in the direction of the bathrooms. He ran after him quickly, pushing his way through the masses. When he got to the bathrooms, Luke was gone. Michael pushed open the door to the boy’s bathroom and walked in. Luke was standing there, hunched over one of the sinks. His face red and his back was heaving up and down. It looked like he was having a panic attack, and Michael’s heart clenched at the sight. Carefully, he walked over to where Luke was standing. He place a tentative hand on the boy’s back and began rubbing it in what he hoped was a comforting manner. Luke jumped slightly at the touch, but relaxed once he saw it was only Michael. His breathing was rapid, and Michael was wracking his brain trying to figure out what he could do to help.

“It’s okay,” he said to Luke. “You’re okay.” Luke tried to nod, but he was too busy fighting the tears that were pricking at the corners of his eyes.

“I can’t breathe,” Luke gasped. His hand came up to clutch at his chest. Michael grabbed Luke’s shoulders and turned him gently so that they were facing each other. Luke shut his eyes and tried to look away, but Michael put his hand underneath Luke’s chin.

“Look at me,” he whispered, tilting Luke’s head up. The younger boy opened his eyes, red rimmed and puffy. Michael’s heart broke, and without thinking he grabbed Luke’s hand. He placed it on his own chest and laid his hand over top of Luke’s.

“You’re okay,” Michael said. “Breathe with me, okay?” He started taking deep breaths in, letting them out slowly. Luke did his best to match Michael’s breathing, and after a few minutes his own breathing had slowed down. He dropped his hand from Michael’s chest and cast his eyes downwards. Neither of them spoke for a while. Michael put his hand back on Luke’s shoulder and began moving his thumb in slow circles. Once Luke had calmed down, he looked back at Michael who was waiting patiently for an explanation.

“James Parker was my old best friend,” Luke whispered. “He was the one who outed me.” Suddenly Michael remembered where he’d heard the name. Luke had told him about James, the scum who had told everyone about Luke being gay. He felt his insides heat up with anger, but he pushed the feeling down and focused on Luke.

“He’s going to tell everyone,” Luke said softly. A tear slipped out of his eye and began falling down his cheek. Instinctively, Michael reached out to swipe at it before it could finish its journey down Luke’s face.

“He won’t,” Michael said, but he wasn’t sure he believed it. Neither did Luke.

“Why not? He did before, what’s stopping him from doing it again?” Luke cried. He brought his hands up to cover his face, choking on a few sobs that worked their way out of him. Michael hated seeing Luke like this. He hated seeing him cry, and he hated knowing Luke was afraid. He pulled Luke closer and wrapped his arms around him in a hug. Luke hugged him back, linking his hands around Michael’s torso. They stood like that for a while, Michael only moving to stroke the back of Luke’s head.

“You have me this time,” he said after a few minutes. “Whatever happens, you have me. I’m not going to let him hurt you. Neither will Calum. You have us, and no matter what James tries to do, we’re going to protect you.”

“How?” Luke mumbled into Michael’s chest. He had a point. Michael had no idea how he could stop James from telling people about Luke. The only bright side was that not as many people knew who Luke was. Meanwhile at his old school, Michael assumed everyone had.

“I don’t know yet,” Michael confessed. “All I know is that I’m not going anywhere, and if James is going to try to mess with you he’ll have to deal with me first.” His words came from a place of determination, and Michael knew he meant what said. He just hoped Luke would believe him.

“Do you promise?” Luke said after a while, voice soft and timid. He pulled back to look at Michael. His eyes were puffy and there were a few tear stains on his face. Michael could feel a damp spot on his shirt from where Luke’s face had been. He nodded at the boy in front of him, and reached down to link his pinky with Luke’s.

“I promise,” he said smiling at Luke. The blue eyed boy studied his face for a moment before returning Michael’s smile. He tightened his pinky around Michael’s before dropping it and taking a deep breath.

“Okay,” Luke said. He wiped his face and splashed some cold water on it. “Do I look like I was crying?” he asked Michael, looking at him through the mirror. 

“No, you look fine,” Michael responded. Luke took one last look in the mirror before turning back to Michael.

“Sorry you had to see that,” he said sheepishly. Michael could see the embarrassment on Luke’s face, even though he had nothing to be embarrassed about.

“Don’t apologize,” Michael said. “You had every reason to be upset.” Luke still didn’t look like he believed Michael, but he nodded his head slightly and gestured towards the door.

“We should probably head back,” he said. Michael agreed and the two of them made their way back to the cafeteria. On the way there, Luke tugged on Michael’s sleeve and pulled him over beside a row of lockers.

“Thank you,” Luke said quickly, “for coming to see if I was okay and stuff. For talking to me and helping me calm down. For everything, really.” Michael shook his head.

“You have nothing to thank me for,” Michael replied. Luke smiled gratefully and Michael got an idea. “What are you doing this weekend?” he asked. Luke frowned.

“Nothing, why?” he asked confused. Michael grinned.

“Because we’re going to the beach,” he answered. It was the perfect way to cheer Luke up _and_ work on their English project.

“We are?” Luke asked, eyes lighting up. Michael nodded, and started walking back towards the cafeteria. Luke followed, falling in to step beside Michael.

“We are,” Michael confirmed. He turned over to look at Luke and watched as the grin spread over his face. Michael’s eyes grew fond as he looked at the boy beside him. He couldn’t imagine what Luke must be feeling right now, knowing that the person who’d ruined his life was back in the picture. Michael decided he never wanted to see Luke cry again, and as they walked back to their table to meet Calum, he vowed he would do everything in his power to keep Luke happy.


	5. i have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Someday somebody will come into your life and make you believe that you deserve a better and more beautiful life." - Unknown
> 
> AN: There's mentioned past self-harm in the chapter. If something like that triggers you, please visit me on [tumblr](http://pilotmikey.tumblr.com) and shoot me a message. I can let you know what happens or where a good place for you to start reading would be. The reference to it isn't long or detailed, and this chapter is mostly fluff so I don't think it's anything too upsetting, but be carefully if you're triggered easily.

The next day Michael asked his mom if she could drive him and Luke to the beach. There was a little strip mall nearby that she could hang out in while the boys headed down to the water. Michael got up early that morning, eating the breakfast his mom had made for him – bacon and eggs – before going back to his room and throwing everything he thought he’d need into a bag. He made sure to grab a few towels - two for himself and one for Luke, just in case he forgot. He packed sunscreen, a change of clothes, his iPod, and some money so he could buy snacks for him and Luke. At 9:30 he sent a text to Luke to see if he was up. They’d talked the night before and decided to leave around 10:00 because it took an hour to get there.

[09:31] _hey lukey :-)_

The reply was almost immediate.

**luke :-)** [09:31] _IM SO EXCITED!!!!!!! :D_

**luke :-)** [09:31] _also hi :)_

Michael laughed and shook his head at Luke’s eagerness.

[09:32] _ME TOO_

[09:33] _when will u b ready?_

**luke :-)** [09:34] _...i already am lol dont judge me im excited_

[09:35] _why would i? wanna see if we can leave early?_

**luke :-)** [09:35] _yessssssssssss :D_

Michael sat his phone down and went to find his mom. She was just coming out of her bedroom with an empty cup of tea and a book in her hands. She saw Michael and smiled. 

“Hey dear, you almost ready?” she asked him. Michael nodded, taking the empty mug from her and carrying it into the kitchen.

“Yeah, I was wondering if we’d be able to leave early?” he asked, running the tap and filling the mug up with water. He turned to look at her over his shoulder, eyes hopeful.

“Sure, is Luke ready to go?” she asked, digging through her purse.

“Yeah,” he replied. She nodded.

“Go get your things, then. Let him know we’re on our way!” Michael raced back to his bedroom to grab his bag and send Luke a text.

[09:41] _we’re leaving now!!!! see u soon! :-)_

He didn’t wait for Luke’s replying, tossing his phone into his bag and zipping it up. They headed out to the car and Michael popped in his new _Good Charlotte_ CD, knowing Luke would approve of his choice. He wanted to make this the best day ever; especially after Luke’s day was ruined on Friday. They hadn’t run into James which meant he wasn’t in either of their afternoon classes. At least Luke wouldn’t have to sit through a lecture with the boy who’d ruined his life. The drive to Luke’s house was short and when they got there Michael hopped out of the front seat. Luke must have been waiting because as soon as they pulled up he was running outside. Michael smiled and greeted him, opening up the door to the backseat and crawling in beside Luke.

“Good Charlotte?” Luke asked, turning to Michael. The older boy blushed and nodded. Luke only grinned and told Michael ‘nice choice’ before gushing about how excited he was to go to the beach. Luke was wearing a light blue tank top and a pair of floral swimming trunks, whereas Michael had on his lightest coloured sweater, a yellow tank top, and plain black swim trunks. The drive to the beach was spent talking about how they would spend their day and singing loudly along to the music. Michael had never been so excited before in his life. The last time he’d been to the beach he was eleven, and he’d been there with his cousins that he didn’t like very much. This time he’d be there with Luke, and Michael liked Luke much better than he liked his cousins.

Michael was a little scared by how much he liked Luke. It seemed like as soon as he’d let the boy into his life, there was no turning back. They’d dove into their friendship so quickly, charging ahead at full speed. It had only been a week, and every time Michael realized this he wanted to tell himself otherwise. He felt like he’d known Luke for years, maybe even all his life. Luke just fit so well with him. The two of them complimented each other almost as well as Calum and Michael did. He wondered if other people felt this way towards people they’d just met. He wondered if they felt the same excitement he did every time he got to hangout with Luke. Was it just him? Was he the only person who got attached so quickly? Michael wondered if Luke felt the same way. If Luke was as excited to see him, or as eager to talk to him. Michael wasn’t sure it was possible for anyone to feel as attached to a person this soon in a friendship as he was to Luke. He looked over at the boy invading his thoughts. Luke was looking out of the window, admiring the rush of the trees as they zoomed past. Every time Michael looked at Luke he got the urge to smile. Maybe it was because Luke was still so new in his life. Maybe it was something else entirely. Michael wasn’t sure he wanted to dwell on it. 

After an hour of driving they reached the beach. Michael’s mom dropped them off near the entrance. She told him to keep his phone away from the water but turned on, just in case she needed to reach him. They waved goodbye and watched her drive away before turning to each other excitedly.

“Ready?” Michael asked Luke. The younger boy smirked.

“Race you there!” he shouted, already taking off through the sand. Michael groaned at his lack of a head start and chased Luke down to the beach. Luke won, resulting in Michael pretending to be upset and claiming it wasn’t a fair race. Luke only shook his head and stuck his tongue out at the older boy, telling him to get over it and help him put on sunscreen. He passed the tube of lotion to Michael before pulling his tank top off and turning around.  Michael swallowed, pouring some sunscreen on his hands and rubbing them together. He smoothed the cream over Luke’s shoulders slowly, ignoring the way Luke’s heated skin felt beneath his palms. After he finished up with Luke’s back, Luke turned around and offered to do Michael’s.

“I’m good,” he said, looking away from where Luke was watching him. He pulled his towel out of his bag and laid it down on the sand. Michael sat down on the towel and stretched his legs out. When he looked up at Luke, the boy was staring at him.

“What do you mean you’re ‘good’?” Luke asked. He pulled out his own towel and spread it out beside Michael’s.

“I’m probably gonna leave my sweater on,” Michael shrugged. Luke frowned, plopping down to sit next to Michael. 

“Why?” Luke asked. “Aren’t you gonna come swimming with me?” Michael shrugged again, digging through his bag to see if he’d brought a pair of sunglasses.

“I don’t know, probably not,” he said. He couldn’t find them, so he lifted a hand to his eyes to block the bright sun.

“You have to!” Luke shouted, shifting his body so he was facing Michael. “It won’t be any fun if you don’t!”

“I can watch,” Michael insisted, reaching down to tug at his sleeves. _It isn’t a big deal_ , he told himself. _Luke isn’t going to care._  

“I don’t want you to watch, I want you to come with me,” Luke pouted. Michael looked down, wishing he knew how to explain to Luke why he didn’t want to join him. Luke could tell something was wrong. He tilted his head and studied the green eyed boy for a minute. “What’s wrong?” he asked. Michael sighed, shaking his head and looking out over the ocean. 

“Nothing,” he said, trying to sound convincing. He failed, and Luke scooted closer to him.

“You can tell me you know,” he said softly. “You didn’t judge me when I was the one with the secret. I’m not about to go and judge you.” Michael stared at the scenery a little while longer before turning his head slowly to look at Luke. 

“You promise?” he asked hopefully. He really did want to go swimming. He wanted them to have fun and he knew that wouldn’t happen if he sat on his towel all day. Besides, Luke had a way of breaking his resolve, and he knew the second Luke answered him he would be shucking his sweater off and running down to the water.

“I promise,” Luke said. He held his pinky out in front of Michael’s face and raised his eyebrows. Pinky promises were kind of becoming their thing. Michael took a deep breath and nodded, linking his finger with Luke’s.

“I have a few scars,” he let out softly. “They’re from a long time ago, when I wasn’t really in a good place. It’s not a big deal, but I get insecure about them. Calum’s the only person who knows. Well, and now you,” Michael finished, sucking his bottom lip in to chew on it gently. Luke didn’t say anything for a while, waiting to see if Michael would say anything else. When he didn’t, Luke broke out into a grin.

“That wasn’t so bad, right?” Luke asked. His voice was kind and it made Michael relax. “As long as you’re okay now, it isn’t my business. I’m glad you told me.” Michael met his eyes and relaxed his shoulders.

“Thank you,” he whispered. He stood up and carefully took his sweater off and laid it down over his bag. He pulled his shirt over his head and picked up the lotion, tossing it to Luke. “Okay, oil me up.”

Luke rubbed the sunscreen over Michael’s back and shoulders. Goosebumps broke out over his skin as Luke’s hands slid over his body. When Luke was finished, he placed a small kiss on the top of Michael’s shoulder.

“What was that for?” Michael asked, pink blush rising in his cheeks. Luke only shrugged.

“I don’t want you to be ashamed about who you are,” Luke said. Before Michael could say anything Luke was kicking his shoes off and running down the sand. He splashed into the water, turning around to see Michael still standing there.

“Come on!” Luke shouted before ducking down underneath the water. He stayed under for a while and then popped back up, hair wet and sticking to the sides of his face. Michael ignored the beating in his chest and took off after Luke. He ran into the water and jumped belly first, splashing Luke in the process. Luke only laughed and splashed him back, resulting in a water fight that left both of them laughing and gasping for air. When they got tired of the fight they swam lazily next to each other, laying on their backs and floating along the current. When Michael noticed Luke was drifting away from him, he swam over and grabbed his hand. Luke’s eyes opened and he turned his head slightly to look at Michael, but Michael was already looking away. Neither of them said anything, choosing instead to watch the clouds go by, hands clasped tightly together. They stayed like for a while, drifting peacefully.

“I’m glad we’re friends,” Michael spoke after a while. He flipped over so that he was back underneath the water, using his arms to keep his head up. Luke looked at him and smiled.

“Me too,” he said softly. Luke tucked his legs back underneath the water and began swimming circles  around Michael. The older boy spun in place, trying to keep his eyes on Luke.

“Stop that,” Michael said, starting to get dizzy. Luke only laughed before ducking underneath the waves. Before Michael knew what was happening, Luke was tugging on his legs and pulling him under the water. He quickly resurfaced, spluttering and coughing up water.

“Hey!” he gasped. Luke giggled, fucking _giggled,_ and the noise was too cute for Michael to stay angry for long.

“Sorry, I thought it would be funny,” Luke said, turning to swim away.

“Oh yeah?” Michael asked, “What about this?” He swam after Luke and dove on top of him, pushing both of them underneath the water. Michael wrapped his arms around Luke’s neck and laid his body flat on top of the younger boy’s. After a moment, Michael pulled back to bring them both above the water.

“You’re a dick,” Luke coughed. Without thinking, Michael pressed a wet kiss to Luke’s cheek.

“You love me,” he said, letting go of the blue eyed boy. Luke shook his head and smiled.

“You wish.” Instead of answering - because Michael really wasn’t sure what to say to that – he swam off back towards the sand.

“Come on,” he said, “let’s get something to eat!”

The beach had a small wooden shack that served hotdogs and fries, along with chips, ice cream, and various drinks. Michael walked over to his bag and pulled out the money he’d packed. Luke was close behind him, grabbing one of Michael’s extra towels to dry off with seeing as he’d only brought one. Once he was dry, Luke moved to sit down.

“What are you doing?” Michael asked with a frown.

“Sitting down?” Luke answered. Michael waved his wallet in the air.

“I thought we were getting food,” he said.

“I didn’t bring any money,” Luke replied, glancing down at his lap. Michael rolled his eyes and grabbed Luke’s hand. He pulled the boy up and started walking towards the food shack.

“I brought enough for both of us,” Michael said. Luke sighed, but let himself be dragged along. Michael ordered them each a hotdog, a bag of chips, and a water bottle.

“I’ll pay you back,” Luke said, looking guiltily at the food as Michael handed it to him.

“No way,” Michael argued. They started heading back to their spot on the beach. “Today was my idea. I just want you to enjoy yourself.”

“But I can-“

“No. I swear to god Luke, it’s a hotdog. It’s not a big deal.” They sat down and started eating, watching the different families and couples run along the sand. A seagull swooped down to munch on a stray fry.

“Thanks for this,” Luke said once he was finished eating. “Not just for the food, but like, all of it. I know you’re just trying to make me feel better about the James thing. You didn’t have to go to all this trouble, but I’m glad you did. It really means a lot to me that you like, care or whatever.” He turned his body so that he was facing Michael, and Michael mirrored him.

“You don’t have to thank me,” Michael said. “I don’t like seeing you sad. I don’t ever want you to be sad. If a trip to the beach and a hotdog will make things better for a while, I’ll take you ever day,” he shrugged, not realizing how that sounded. “Because I care, or whatever.” He saw Luke gulp, but the boy didn’t say anything else. The two of them laid back on their towels and looked up at the clouds. They watched the birds circle around them, listening to the waves.

“Do you think it’ll be okay?” Luke asked softly. Michael turned his head and saw Luke staring intently at him.

“I don’t know,” Michael answered honestly. He wished it would be. He wished he could tell Luke that everything would be fine, and that James would leave him alone. He wished he could see into the future and stop anything bad from happening to Luke ever again. Michael wondered why Luke had to make his heart ache so much.

“What if everything goes to shit?” Luke asked. “What if he tells everyone and I get bullied again. What if I have to move away?” He rolled over onto his side, facing Michael.

“You won’t have to move,” Michael said. “You can’t leave me now,” he chuckled, “we haven’t even filmed a cover yet. I haven’t even gotten you to like pineapple on your pizza.”

Michael thought back to that first day with Luke. Back when he hated the boy for no good reason, when Luke was determined enough to call Michael out that he followed him home. It felt like years ago, when really it had only been a week. One week. All it took was one week for Michael to grow so attached to the blue eyed boy that he couldn’t fathom his life without him.

“That’s never going to happen,” Luke chuckled lightly. He sighed, tucking his hands underneath the side of his head. He looked so small. He looked so small and beautiful and perfect that Michael wanted to cry -  because it had only taken him one week to fall for Luke. He had no idea what that meant, all he knew was that friends don’t feel like this. Friends don’t ache and yearn for someone the way Michael yearns for Luke. They don’t want to protect them and care for them and look after them the way Michael wants to look after Luke. He’d never felt this way about Calum. He’d always wanted Calum to grow beside him, not _with_ him, and Michael was struck by the realization that he wanted to grow with Luke. He wanted to get to know him and tell him jokes and cuddle with him and take him to the beach and buy him hotdogs. He wanted to hug him and beat up anyone that tried to hurt him. Michael wanted Luke, and he wanted to kick himself for how fast it took the blue eyed boy to settle down in his heart.

“It’s going to be fine, Luke,” Michael said once he noticed Luke waiting for him to say something.

“I wish I was so sure,” Luke replied.

They left the conversation there; Luke because he didn’t want to keep worrying himself, and Michael because inside of his head he was having a breakdown. He _liked_ Luke. As more than a friend. Luke, who he still had so much to learn about, who was a boy. Michael had never once thought he might be gay. He didn’t feel gay, and he’d never liked another boy before now. Perhaps he was bi? Or something else he didn’t know the name of? What if he was straight, but Luke was the exception? Is that a thing? Could he be Luke-sexual? Michael closed his eyes, willing his brain to just _slow the fuck down._ There was too much to think about now, and he wished he could rewind the clock back an hour ago to when he didn’t _like_ Luke. It occurred to him that he probably _had_ liked Luke an hour ago, he just hadn’t been aware of it. Michael wondered how long he’d liked Luke. A day? Two days? The entire week of their friendship?

Michael wanted to laugh at his own idiocy. Who the _fuck_ develops a crush after _one fucking week?_ Was there anyone else in the world that did this? Did anyone else get attached to someone they barely even knew? Michael wasn’t sure. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d had a crush on anyone. Sure, there had been Becca, but he wasn’t even sure he could call that a crush. He’d only really asked her out because she kissed him. He thought she liked him, so he thought he liked her back. He wasn’t heartbroken when she turned him down. The thought of her moving away didn’t make him want to chase after her.

“What are you thinking about?”

Michael turned towards the voice. Luke was looking at him with his eyebrows raised. Luke had freckles, Michael noticed. He’d never seen them before, but out here in the sunlight he could see the little dots speckled across the bridge of Luke’s nose.

“Nothing,” Michael lied. Luke didn’t press, and he jumped up declaring he was going back into the water.

“You coming?” he asked Michael, who nodded.

“I’ll be right there,” he answered. Luke turned and ran off towards where the tide was coming in. He splashed into the water, and once he was deep enough he dove underneath. Michael sat there on the sand, watching Luke’s body move through the waves. _I like Luke_ , he thought. The knowledge scared him, and he forced himself to stay on his towel a little longer than he’d planned. It wasn’t fair. Michael hadn’t asked for this. He hadn’t asked for a blue eyed boy with blond hair and freckles. A boy who sang like an angel and played guitar with such precision that Michael couldn’t help but be in awe. A boy who liked boys, who trusted Michael and accepted him for his scars and his insecurities. No, Michael had definitely not asked for this. He hadn’t asked for Luke to show up in his life and change everything.

But _oh god_ was he glad Luke did.


	6. all the memories that we make will never change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” - Henri J.M. Nouwen
> 
> AN: Special thanks to [Zoë](http://promiscuouslittlekitten.tumblr.com) for helping me get through this chapter, and for always sending my typos to me so I can fix them. Love you. ♥

It had been three days since Michael realized he liked Luke as more than a friend, and he couldn’t be more  _fucked_.

Whenever he closed his eyes, he was haunted by images of Luke smiling, or laughing, or playing his guitar. He was having vivid dreams every night. Some involved just small things, like holding Luke’s hand or taking him back to the beach. Those dreams were nice, and Michael didn’t mind the ache in his chest when he woke up and was forced to face reality. Some nights he wasn’t so lucky. Occasionally, he was plagued by dreams of Luke crying, being beaten and abused by a nameless person who Michael had started referring to as ‘James’. Some nights it was finding out that everyone knew he had a crush on a boy, and he spent the night listening to various forms of insults being tossed at him by his family, friends, and acquaintances alike. Those nights were hard, and he would wake up in the middle of the night clutching his chest and choking back tears. It felt like everything he thought he knew had changed and now he was living life backwards. The worst part was, he felt  _alone._

Michael still hadn’t told anyone about his crush on Luke. He wasn’t sure he was going to. It might be different if he knew what his sexuality was, but he had no idea. It was bothering him that he didn’t know if he was gay, or bisexual, or pansexual, or something else. He hated that he  _wanted_  to know. He’d never been the kind of person that enjoyed labeling everything, but rather preferred to just let things be. Unfortunately it seemed that when it came to himself, he wanted a foothold to feel secure in. Without one he felt like he had zero control, and Michael hated feeling so out of place in his own life. He wished he could cut open his head and pour all of his thoughts out so he could pick around in the mush and find what he was looking for. More than anything, he wished he could tell someone how he was feeling.

It wasn’t good for Michael to be this stressed. He wanted to talk to Luke. Luke was the only person he knew that liked boys and might know how to help him figure out who and what he was. Luke was the only person that could even come close to understanding how he was feeling, but Luke was the last person Michael could talk to. If he told Luke he liked a boy, who knows if he would be able to stop himself from telling him just who that boy was? It didn’t seem fair that Michael had to go through this alone.

He’d skipped school that day. He’d faked a cough and told his mom he wasn’t feeling good, and by some struck of luck she had believed him. Maybe it was because he genuinely looked sick. He hadn’t been eating as much, and he always felt cold and uncomfortable. Michael was one of those people that got sick when they were extremely stressed, so there was a very good chance he actually  _was_  sick. But Michael knew that the real reason he’d stayed home was because he didn’t want to face Luke. He knew he was being a coward. Luke had been outed to his entire school and Michael was curled up in a ball underneath three layers of blankets because he had a crush. He hated himself for being so afraid. He hated himself for liking Luke in the first place. Meanwhile, Luke was at school with only one friend to look out for him if he ran into James. Michael felt sick knowing Luke was there without him, but Luke had texted him after first period telling him to “feel better soon :)”. He’d answered with a “thanks, call me if anything happens ok?” and then buried his phone somewhere beneath the sheets. He didn’t want Luke to call him. He just wanted to be alone.

 

*** 

 

Michael went to school on Tuesday, but only because he couldn’t stomach the guilt of leaving Luke alone while James was roaming the halls. Calum had let him know that everything was still fine and that they hadn’t run into James yet. He’d allowed himself a few days to wallow, but now he had to put on a happy face and pretend like his entire world wasn’t burning down in flames. Perhaps he was being a  _bit_  dramatic, but he couldn’t help it. He was having an identity crisis, not to mention the fact he was still unaware of how he’d managed to fall for Luke so quickly.

Apparently, no one could tell that he was feeling any different than usual, and Michael was beyond grateful. Calum and Luke still told jokes in Maths and Michael laughed along. Luke still walked with him to English and poked him with his pencil when Mr. Tharson noticed Michael staring out the window. They ate lunch together and talked about what they’d done on the weekend. Michael had barely flinched when Luke mentioned their day on the beach. He was able to swallow his sandwich and tell Calum about the seagull that had chased Luke down the beach when they’d decided to get ice cream near the end of the day. If he was staring at Luke, no one said anything. Gym class was a little harder to get through. The sight of Luke running around in shorts that were just a tad too high above the knee made Michael start to sweat before he’d even gotten off the bench. But he’d survived, and he made it home without anyone realizing exactly how  _not fine_  he was.

Or so he thought.

It was just after six when he got a text from Calum. 

 **calpal** [18:16]  _im outside_

Michael frowned, wondering why Calum hadn’t given him more notice. It wasn’t like Calum to just show up; that was more Michael’s thing. He shrugged it off and went to go open the door for his friend. Just like the text said, Calum was standing on front step. In his hands were a bag of Michael’s favourite chips (barbeque) and a movie. Calum walked in before Michael could even say hello and made his way towards Michael’s room. Michael only shrugged and shut the door behind him. When he got to his room, Calum was setting up the movie and breaking open the chips. 

“What’s going on?” Michael asked, wondering why Calum was acting so strange. 

The boy didn’t say anything, choosing instead to stuff a chip in his mouth and hit play on the DVD.

“Calum,” Michael tried again. This time Calum acknowledged him, turning his head to meet Michael’s questioning eyes. 

“We’re going to hangout. I feel like we haven’t hung out just us since you and Luke became…” Calum trailed off and waved his hands vaguely, as if the motion was supposed to explain what he hadn’t said.

“Since me and Luke became what?” Michael asked, fighting to ignore the way his heart started beating nervously. Calum cocked his eyebrows and gave Michael a ‘you know what exactly what I’m talking about’ look. 

“You guys got awfully close, awfully fast,” Calum said. His voice was soft and non-judgmental, and it made Michael want to lay his head on his friend’s shoulder and tell him everything that had been plaguing his thoughts since Saturday.

“So?” Michael asked. “Aren’t you glad we’re friends?” he accused defensively.

“Of course I am,” Calum said slowly, “but I couldn’t help but notice how...attached you two are. You’re always together and you’re always touching each other,” he shrugged.

“What are you insinuating?” Michael asked angrily. He didn’t like being confronted about things he wasn’t ready to talk about, no matter how much wanted to. 

“Nothing,” Calum said carefully. “I’m just saying that if there was something… _going on_ , with you and Luke, you could tell me.” 

“There isn’t,” Michael said, dangerously calm, “and if you just came here to accuse me of something you can leave right now.” Calum didn’t say anything for a while. He just sat there, staring at Michael for what felt like hours.

“Okay,” he said finally. He didn’t get up to leave, just grabbed another chip and brought it to his mouth. “Are you going to sit down?” he asked Michael, who was still standing stupidly in the middle of the room. Michael made his way over to the bed and sat down beside Calum. He grabbed a handful of chips and began watching the movie Calum had brought over. It was some animated thing, and Michael could remember seeing commercials for it a few years ago. They sat in silence, watching the movie and taking turns reaching into the chip bag. It took a few scenes for Michael to be able to ignore what had just happened. His heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest, and he prayed that Calum couldn’t hear it. Being asked about Luke was terrifying, and it made Michael realize just how unprepared he was for all of this. He wasn’t ready to tell anyone about his crush, and he definitely wasn’t ready for all of the questions about his sexuality. Michael tried to ignore his head for a while and focus on the movie. Just when he was starting to forget what Calum had said, the boy beside him spoke. 

“Why won’t you just admit that you like him?” 

Michael felt his heart stop. He closed his eyes and balled his fists, willing his lungs to keep pumping air through his body. He felt a warm sweat form on the top of his brow. 

“Why won’t you stop being a nosy fuck?” Michael snapped. Couldn’t Calum take a hint that he didn’t want to talk about it? Why couldn’t he just shut up about the whole thing? Why should anyone else get to know about his feelings for Luke when he’d barely realized them himself; when he wasn’t even sure who he was anymore?

“Because I’m not fucking blind, Michael!” Calum exploded. “ It’s so fucking obvious! Every time you look at him you get this disgustingly fond look on your face. We never hang out just the two of us anymore, which would be fine if I wasn’t aware of the fact that you and Luke are definitely hanging out without me. And don’t you dare say it’s because of the project because we both know it isn’t! Maybe it started out that way but things are different now, aren’t they? Somewhere between the fucking cuddling and the sunsets you started to like him, and I hate that you’re sitting here and pretending like it isn’t true. I’m your best friend Michael. At least I’m supposed to be. I was,” Calum trailed off, his rant losing momentum. 

“You still are,” Michael said softly. It hurt that Calum doubted their friendship. Michael knew what that felt like - had felt it just over a week ago when he thought he was losing Calum to Luke. He was shocked at how quickly things had changed since then. 

“Then why won’t you talk to me? Do you not trust me? Do you think I won’t still love you?” Calum’s brown eyes were filled with hurt and confusion, and it took everything Michael had not to grab the boy and hug him as tightly as he could. 

“It’s not that,” Michael whispered. His heart was beating so quickly. The sound was vibrating loud and angry in his ears, and it was getting harder and harder to make sense of his thoughts.

“Then what?” Calum pleaded.  Michael sighed. He didn’t say anything for a while, partially because he didn’t know what to say, partially because he was terrified of what would happen when he did.

“It makes it real,” Michael said finally. It felt like the walls he’d been building up since Saturday were slowly being picked away, and he was both relieved and frightened by taking this step. Everything was crumbling around him, and the vulnerability was an unfamiliar cocktail of refreshing and horrifying.

“What?” Calum asked.

“Saying it. Admitting it,” Michael whispered, “it makes it real. I’m not ready for it to be real, Cal.” He felt tears burning in his eyes but he didn’t want to cry. Not when he was already admitting something that he was nowhere near prepared to deal with. Not when he already felt like he was sitting there naked, waiting for Calum to judge him.

“Michael,” his friend said softly, “it doesn’t have to be a big deal.” Michael laughed at that.

“But it is! Don’t you get that? I’ve never liked a guy before, Cal. I never thought I would. I never thought I was anything but straight, and then fucking Luke shows up and now I have absolutely no idea what I am! Not to mention I’ve only been friends with him for a little over a week! A fucking week, Cal! Do you know how confused I am? How fucking pathetic I feel? I hate this! I hate feeling like this, like I have no control over anything. I hate not knowing who I am and I hate Luke for being so fucking likeable. I hate him for making me like him,” Michael huffed. The tears were  _really_  threatening to fall now, and his chest was moving up and down from letting his emotions tip over and spill out.

“No you don’t,” Calum said quietly. Michael squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to hold back the tears, but a few slipped out and slid down his cheeks.

“No,” Michael said defeated, “I don’t.” He rubbed the heels of his hands hard against his eyes, wishing that if he pressed hard enough his entire head would sink in on itself and he wouldn’t have to deal with any of this. 

“Michael,” Calum said cautiously, “it’s going to be okay. You’re gonna figure it out, and you’re not going to go through this alone. I’m here, okay? You’re going to be just fine.” Michael knew Calum was telling the truth, so he leaned over finally and rested his head on Calum’s shoulder. 

“How do you know?” Michael asked. 

“Because you always are,” Calum answered. “You always figure it out, and you always get better. Give yourself time.”

“I didn’t need any time to get a crush on Luke,” Michael pointed out. Calum put an arm and his friend and laid his head on top of Michael’s. 

“You know, you’ve said it twice now.” 

“Said what twice?” 

“That you like Luke,” Calum said. “Seems to me you’re getting better already.” 

Calum was right. Of course he was, he always is. Michael had admitted it out loud and the ground hadn’t fallen through. The sky was still there, the world was still spinning. There wasn’t a group of angry protesters outside of his window telling him that he had to know his sexuality before confessing to liking a boy. Nothing had changed except for Michael. The weight on his chest had lifted, despite still being confused and scared. But Calum knew, and he wasn’t yelling or getting angry so Michael took that as a good sign. It felt nice not being the only person who knew. It felt nice knowing that Calum was looking out for him and knew when he need friend. 

“I love you,” Michael said, wiping his eyes. He leaned over to give Calum a hug, and the boy wrapped his arms around Michael and buried his face in Michael’s neck.

“I know,” Calum said. “I love you too.”  They pulled away and Michael finished drying his eyes, sniffling a few times and blinking rapidly. 

“Sorry I fucking cried,” Michael laughed. 

“It’s okay,” Calum told him. “Sorry I kinda forced it out of you. It’s just…I know how stubborn you are. I knew something was going on, I just didn’t know how to let you know that you could tell me. You wouldn’t have told me if I didn’t drag it out of you, and I didn’t want it to eat you alive.”

“I know, thanks. I was just scared. I’m still scared,” Michael confessed. “I wish everything just made sense. I hate being this confused over a fucking crush. It took me all of two seconds to fall for Luke, what kind of bullshit is that?” Michael asked incredulously. 

“He’s cute and you guys have a lot in common. You know how you like to protect things, and then Luke came along with his ‘oh I’m gay and I’m scared because this dick at my old school was a dick and now he’s coming to be a dick here’ thing. I’m really not surprised that you caught feelings for him,” Calum said. “And I mean, not to mention the double sleepovers and the cuddling and the ‘let’s go look at beautiful things together’ project. You guys haven’t been apart since you became friends. I’m surprised he isn’t here right now.” As if on cue, Michael’s phone buzzed with a new text. Calum raised his eyebrows and nodded to the phone. “Is that him?”

 **luke :-)** [18:56]  _u busy??? :)_

“Yeah,” Michael said. A smile crept onto his face and he wanted to kick himself for being so obvious, but he couldn’t help it. Luke made him happy, whatever.

Calum read the text over his shoulder and rolled his eyes. “See? You guys can’t go,” he looked at the time on the screen, “four hours without seeing each other!”

“We can too,” Michael argued, pushing his phone under his leg so Calum would stop  _judging_  him.

“Aren’t you gonna answer him?” Calum asked with a smirk. Michael huffed.

“No,” he said dryly. He wanted to, but he wouldn’t. He’d suffered enough humiliation today, thank you very much.

“Go for it,” Calum said, “I know you want to.” Michael eyed Calum for a good ten seconds before he sighed, digging his phone back out and opening up the chat with Luke. 

[18:59]  _with calum, what’s up?_

“You should invite him over,” Calum said, watching as Michael hit send. “You can’t just say you’re with me and not invite him over.” 

“Why? I don’t want to see him right now,” Michael half lied. The thought of being in the same room with both of them now that Calum knew about his crush on Luke made him feel slightly anxious. 

“You  _always_  want to see him,” Calum teased. “Wanna know why?” Calum started bouncing around on the bed like an excited puppy. “Because you  _like_  him, you  _like_ him” he singsonged. 

“Shut up,” Michael groaned, nudging his friend in the side. Calum faked pain and rolled over clutching his side. 

“I’ve been shot! I’ve been shot by a love-sick lunatic!” he cried. Michael rolled his eyes at his friend’s antics. His phone buzzed again and he decided to ignore Calum in favour of talking to Luke. 

 **luke :-)** [19:01]  _oh. sry i didnt mean to interrupt._

[19:02]  _u didnt, he’s bein annoying help :-(_

 **luke :-)** [19:02]  _poor bb :(_

[19:03]  _ik :’-( wanna come over? we were watchin a movie but we aren’t rly payin attention anymore_

 **luke :-)** [19:04]  _oooOoOoooOooo and i thought i was the gay one ;P_

[19:04]  _nvm ur uninvited_

 **luke :-)** [19:04]  _:(:(:(:(:(:(:(_

[19:05]  _ok ok  u can come_

 **luke :-)** [19:05]  _are we gonna “watch a movie” ;)_

[19:06]  _omFg do u wanna come or not ?_

 **luke :-)** [19:06]  _do u want me to come? ;)_

[19:06]  _I s2g luke shut up_

“What are you guys talking about?” Calum asked, leaning over Michael’s shoulders to read the texts. 

“Ever heard of privacy?” Michael asked as he let Calum finish reading the conversation. 

“Oh my god do you guys always flirt this much?” Calum groaned. 

“We aren’t flirting!” he said, feeling his face heat up. Calum rolled his eyes and laid his head on Michael’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, and I’m not in this room right now,” he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. “I swear, you’re both so gone for each other. Is he coming over or are you two just gonna keep sexting?” 

“Shut the fuck up, Cal,” Michael sighed, pushing the boy off of him. “If he comes are you gonna be a dick?” he asked. Calum just shrugged. 

“No more than usual,” he said with a grin. 

 **luke :-)** [19:08]  _i’ll be there soon lol_  

 **luke :-)** [19:08]  _:)_  

“Okay, he’s coming over. Please be a good friend and don’t say anything about…you know. The thing,” Michael said. Calum burst out laughing, falling back onto the bed and rubbing at his eyes. 

“The  _thing_? Really Michael? That’s what we’re calling it?” he said, calming his laughter. “You’re gonna have to be a bit more specific if you don’t want me to mention it by accident.”

“That I like him, you asshole! Please don’t say anything about me liking him,” Michael moaned. Calum sat back up and smiled, placing his hand on Michael’s shoulder.

“I won’t, I won’t,” he said. “I’m not a total dick. I _do_ know when not to cross a line,” Calum reassured him. Michael sighed, but nodded. He knew Calum wasn’t going to say anything, but he couldn’t help the butterflies that started dancing around in his stomach. His palms were starting to feel sweaty and he was wondering if things would be fine now that Calum knew. Would he be too obvious? Would Calum catch him staring at Luke and make some sarcastic comment that ruined everything?

Calum seemed to notice his sudden burst of anxiety and he scooted closer to Michael. He bent his head a bit so he could look at Michael’s eyes directly. Michael met his gaze, and he knew the worry was painted clear as day on his face.

“Michael, I promise. I won’t say anything. It’s going to be fine, okay?” Calum said. “Don’t worry.” Michael took a deep breath and nodded.

“I don’t want to risk losing him. He can’t find out. Not yet anyways. That’s an entirely new ballpark I’m not ready to deal with,” he said softly. Calum nodded and patted his arm.

“I know,” he said, “and that’s okay. But I’m here, yeah? When you do wanna deal with it, or when you wanna talk about it. Or anything, really. I’m here,” Calum offered.

“Thank you,” Michael said. They smiled at each other and turned back towards the TV they’d forgotten about while they waited for Luke to get there. Michael was so lucky to have Calum. He was his rock and his best friend. He always knew when to help and how to help. Michael turned to look at the boy beside him. The nervous butterflies calmed down and an overwhelming feeling of appreciation filled his body.

“Cal,” he said. Calum turned to face Michael, ready to ask him what was up. Michael smiled and Calum smiled back. “I’m really glad you let me swing with you.” Calum frowned at first, but after a minute recognition washed over his face and he grinned. 

“I’m glad you couldn’t get two girls to let you have a turn,” Calum teased. Michael gave him an exasperated look and playfully punched his arm. 

“The one time I think we’re gonna have a moment!” Michael shouted, trying to duck as Calum wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled Michael into his side. He rubbed his knuckles roughly on top of Michael’s head while the older boy squirmed. When he let go, Michael didn’t move away. Instead, he curled up against Calum and sighed contently. Calum smiled down at his best friend and draped his arm over Michael’s back. 

“We have tons of moments,” Calum said finally, “and knowing us, we’re gonna have tons more.” 


	7. into the fire we go again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.” - Tom Bodett

As it turned out, Calum was right. Michael had nothing to worry about when Luke came over. He was a bit uncomfortable at first knowing that Calum was probably reading into every glance he gave Luke and every touch they shared, but after a few rounds of FIFA and the first ten minutes of a movie Michael had completely forgotten his anxiety over being in the same room with both of his friends. When it was time for them to go home, Michael didn’t over think leaning in to give Luke a hug. Calum made a flirty face at him when Luke wasn’t looking, but other than that everything had went smoothly.

Michael was crawling into bed that night when it hit him just how far he’d come in the last few days. It started with realizing he liked Luke, which turned into immense discomfort and confusion over the fact, which turned into admitting it out loud to his best friend. He was slowly coming to accept his crush, and he was worrying less and less about having a label for his sexuality. Who cares if he doesn’t know yet? Calum didn’t. Luke wouldn’t, if Luke knew. His mom was really the only other person in his life, and Michael knew that no matter who he liked she would always accept him. It might be a little weird at first, but he didn’t plan on “coming out” to her any time soon. Maybe if he ever dated Luke, but that seemed farfetched. Luke didn’t seem like the type to start dating someone he barely knew, especially if that person was Michael. He was too awkward and not nearly attractive enough for someone like Luke. Besides, he wasn’t going to ask Luke out or anything. They were still becoming friends and getting to know each other. There was no way Michael was going to jeopardize being Luke’s friend all because of a silly crush.

It was too soon to be thinking about any of this, Michael thought. He pulled the covers up under his chin and pressed the side of his head against the pillow. Tomorrow was a new day, and he was looking forward to it now that some of the pressure he’d been feeling wasn’t bearing down on him. He was going to go to school and laugh with his friends. He was going to work on his English assignment that he’d been putting off. It had been hard trying to write about the beach when all Michael could think about was Luke. Instead of the waves, Michael wanted to write about Luke’s skin shimmering beneath the water. Instead of the sky and the birds, he wanted to write about the way Luke’s hair curled around his face when it was wet. There was no way he could write a journal entry about the beach when he couldn’t focus on the _actual_ beach. However, now that he’d talked to Calum about his crush and wasn’t mentally assaulting himself, it felt like he could handle anything. A little journal entry would be no problem at all.

 

***

 

Okay, so it was a bit of a problem.

_Luke and I went to the beach on Saturday. We got up really early and spent the car ride singing along to our favourite songs. The weather was warm, and there were hardly any clouds around to block the sun. The ocean looked beautiful. The waves were crashing gently on the sand, bubbling white foam as it fizzled back off the shore. Seagulls were flying around our heads, but their squawks made the beach sound like…well, a beach. There’s something about annoying birds that make the beach feel the way it should. The sand was warm beneath my toes and I’d missed how it felt, even at the end of the day when it was stuck everywhere._

_Luke and I spent the day lounging around on the beach and soaking up the sun and swimming around in the water. It was a bit cold at first, but it didn’t take long to warm up. Luke kept splashing me and then we would push each other under the water. After a while we ended up just floating around. I think we spent an hour just lying on top of the ocean, letting the waves bounce us around. We watched the clouds spin in and out of formation. Sometimes I would close my eyes and watch the back of my eyelids change colour with the position of the sun. Maybe it had more to do with the way the ocean moved me, I’m not sure. It was really nice floating around with Luke. It was peaceful and calming - beautiful even._

_I swear I don’t know if I’m doing this right. Am I supposed to go into some poetic detail about the waves and the wind? Am I supposed to be using similes or metaphors to describe the beauty of the beach? It was a beautiful day, really. But I think personally, I find the beauty more in the way I feel about a situation and less in the situation itself. Like, the beach was beautiful. The weather was beautiful and the water was beautiful. But so was the company. Just hanging out with Luke and telling jokes and listening to music and having water fights, that was beautiful. Maybe it was because I was happy? I was having fun and laughing and not caring about how I looked or who was around. I was genuinely enjoying myself, and I really don’t like going out that much. Is it weird to care less about the beauty you see compared to the beauty you feel? Because the way I felt that day was 100 times more beautiful than the light shining off the water, or the way the sky seemed to mirror itself in the waves. I felt amazing that day._

_I think it’s because of Luke. I always seem to have fun with him. Hell, we could go to a garbage dump and I swear I’d be able to find the beauty in every single snotty tissue or empty yogurt container just because he was with me. He can make everything fun, and that’s… that’s a beautiful quality to have._

Michael was fucked. He read over what he’d written about the beach six times before he realized he should probably erase the last few lines. Just as he was about to press the top of his pencil to his page, he stopped. Why should he? Only Mr. Tharson was going to read it. He wouldn’t really give a shit. Besides, any “beauty” he wrote about sounded a hell of a lot better when it was about Luke than it did when it was about the fucking sand.  He decided to leave it, letting his “fuck it” attitude get the best of him.  He closed his notebook and leaned back in his desk, turning his head to look over at Luke.

Luke was hunched over his desk, writing frantically in his notebook. His hair was falling in his face slightly and his tongue was poking out between his teeth. His pen was moving quickly against the page, and Michael wondered what the hell he was writing about.

“What are you doing?” Michael asked, leaning over to tap Luke’s arm with his pencil. Luke looked up, surprised by Michael’s sudden attempt at conversation.

“What?” Luke asked. Michael frowned, giving the boy a strange look.

“What are you writing about?” Michael asked, nodding to Luke’s notebook. Luke looked at Michael and then down at the page in front of him before slamming his notebook shut. Michael raised his eyebrows.

“Nothing,” Luke answered. Michael gave him his best ‘I don’t believe you’ you look, but then he shrugged.

“Okay, that’s fine. You don’t have to tell me,” Michael said. Luke sighed, looking down at his book one more time before meeting Michael’s stare.

“It’s nothing, really,” Luke started, “it’s just. I was writing about like, James or whatever.”

“What about him?” Michael asked frowning.

“Just like, I don’t know. It’s stupid,” Luke said, looking down at his shoes.

“It isn’t,” Michael assured him. “Whatever it is isn’t stupid, and you really don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I get that shit is personal sometimes.” Luke looked back up at him shyly, peeking out under his eyelashes. He took a deep breath before look at Michael properly.

“Just like, how I feel or whatever. About what happened, and about what I’m scared will happen. I thought maybe writing it down would be better than just bottling it up,” Luke said quietly. He scuffed his shoes on the tile, little black marks appearing under his feet.

“Did it help?” Michael asked him. Luke smiled at that, little crinkles decorating the sides of his cheeks and his eyes. They still hadn’t seen James. Michael was wondering if Calum had dreamt the whole thing, and that James didn’t actually transfer. But Luke had shown them a picture of James on Facebook, and Calum confirmed that yes, that was the kid he’d shown around.

“A bit, yeah,” he answered. Just then, the bell rang for lunch. The two of them got up and started grabbing their belongings.

“Remember class, only a week and half left to finish your journal assignments! If you haven’t started your activities yet you better get out soon!” Mr. Tharson called out as the students were filing out of the room. Michael and Luke fell into step beside each other, walking towards the cafeteria to go meet Calum.

“We should do our next activity soon,” Luke said. They reached the cafeteria and headed straight for their usual spot. They sat down and pulled their lunches out of their bags.

“What did we say we were doing next?” Michael asked, sliding a cookie over to Luke. It had become a habit to bring his friends extra snacks. Well, he _had_ only been bringing them for Luke, but then he realized that would look weird and he didn’t want Calum to feel left out.

“Thanks,” Luke said, taking the cookie. “I think we were going to the arcade. You should remember this, it was your idea.”

“Oh yeah,” Michael said, eyes lighting up. He hadn’t been to the arcade in ages. Calum didn’t really enjoy arcade games, saying they were a waste of money. “There’s this place near the mall that we should go to. It’s got tons of arcade games, even some old ones that like, my mom used to play. Oh, and they have a bowling alley there too!” Michael said excitedly. Luke smiled at him as he took a bite of his sandwich.

“That sounds great, I love bowling! I haven’t gotten to go since my brother’s twelfth birthday because some kid puked in a pair of shoes and my mom didn’t want us going back. I mean, it’s not like she would ever have to wear those shoes. They probably didn’t even keep them, or they at least washed them out.” Michael watched as Luke went on and on about the puke filled bowling shoes, loving the way he got so excited while telling a story. Just as Michael had decided he could sit and watch Luke speak for hours, Calum plopped down beside him.

“Hey guys,” he said, “hope you don’t mind I brought a friend.” Michael and Luke looked up to see a boy wearing a plaid shirt hovering behind Calum’s chair. The boy had curly brown hair and hazel eyes. He was around the same height as Michael, but he had more muscle. Michael recognized him as Ashton, the kid from Calum’s football team and his partner for the English assignment.

“Hey, Ashton right?” Michael asked. Ashton smiled brightly and nodded.

“That’s me! You’re Michael, we’ve never actually met but Calum’s told me loads about you. Mind if I sit?” Ashton asked. He was cheery and had a warm glow about him, and Michael decided that he liked the positive energy.

“Go for it,” Michael said, gesturing to the usually always empty seat next to Luke. Ashton pulled out the chair and sat down.

“You must be Luke then,” Ashton said, turning to look at the blond boy. Luke smiled and nodded, and then broke the cookie Michael had given him in half. He offered half to Ashton who looked down at the biscuit and then back at Luke.

“You sure?” Ashton asked. Michael watched as Luke nodded and Ashton took half of the cookie. He felt something stirring up in his stomach, but he told himself to calm down. It was just a cookie, no need to get jealous.

“So Ashton,” Michael interrupted, “what brings you over here?” Ashton usually sat with some of the football guys and their girlfriends, so it was a completely valid question.

“My girlfriend and I broke up,” Ashton answered. “There’s no hard feelings, but I didn’t really feel like sitting over there and watching half my team try to hit on her now that she’s single.”

Michael winced. “Sorry man,” he said. Ashton shrugged and grinned at him.

“It’s cool, we’re still friends. We just both felt like we should focus on school instead. She wants to get into a good university and I gotta keep my grades up if I want to get a football scholarship,” Ashton replied.

“As if you’re going to have any trouble with that,” Calum chimed in, “you’re a bloody beast on the field _and_ you’re one of the smartest kids in our year.” Ashton blushed at that, and soon the two of them were discussing football and their latest practice when some kid named Cole got injured. Michael tuned them out, going back to his lunch and trying to figure out why Luke giving Ashton half of his cookie bothered him. You know, other than the obvious reason.

Just as he was finishing his sandwich, he felt something brush up against his leg. He looked up to find Luke staring at him, and when he glanced under the table he saw Luke’s foot retreating back to its own leg area.

“So, arcade?” Luke asked him. Michael smiled, almost forgetting that they were in the middle of making plans before Calum and Ashton had shown up.

“Yeah, when do you wanna go?” Michael asked. He watched Luke chew a bite of his food before swallowing.

“I was thinking today if you aren’t doing anything,” Luke said.

“When am I ever busy?” he said with a chuckle. He could have sworn he saw Luke blush, but he didn’t read into it.

“Just making sure,” Luke said softly, biting his bottom lip. Michael’s heart did that _thing_ where it picked up and fluttered in his chest.

“Do you wanna bus there after school?” Michael asked.

“I gotta stop at my house and get money first. Wanna meet up at around 4?” Luke asked. Michael nodded and finished off his sandwich.

“Sounds good, and we can get pizza there if we get hungry.”

They finished their lunch, eventually joining in with Calum and Ashton’s conversation. It turned out Ashton liked a lot of the same bands as they did, and he played a few different instruments as well. He was very energetic and Michael didn’t think he stopped smiling once for the entire lunch hour. Ashton was really nice, and Michael had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last time he joined them for lunch.

 

***

 

“Are you sure we didn’t miss the stop?” Luke asked. It was quarter after four and Michael and Luke were on the bus heading to the arcade. Luke’s leg hadn’t stopped vibrating once since they’d sat down and it kept rubbing up against Michael. They were sitting at the very back, and there weren’t as many people as Michael had thought there would be considering it was just after school. The bus was usually packed at this hour, but he was grateful for the empty seats so he and Luke could tuck away in the back corner.

“I’m positive,” Michael said. It was the third time Luke had asked. They still had another five minutes _at least_ before it was time to get off the bus. “We’ll be there soon, relax.”

“Sorry,” Luke said sheepishly, “I’m just really excited. Can we bowl first? Or do you wanna play games first?” Michael rolled his eyes and put his hand on Luke’s thigh so he would stop shaking.

“We can do whatever you want,” Michael assured him. Luke’s leg slowed down, but as soon as it did his fingers started tapping against his jeans.

“I’m so excited,” Luke repeated. He was smiling wide and toothy, and Michael couldn’t help but shake his head and smile back.

“I know, you said that like six times already,” Michael laughed. “Come on, the next stop is ours.” They got up out of their seats, Luke first while Michael followed behind, just as the bus came to quick halt. Luke’s body swung and he fell forwards, but Michael was quick and reached out to steady the blue eyed boy. His hands grabbed Luke’s waist and he pulled him back so he was flush against Michael’s chest. Michael felt his heart pick up and a heat rush towards his cheeks, but he chose to ignore it. He made sure Luke was stable and let go, seeing that Luke’s face was just as red as his own felt.

“Thanks,” Luke said. Michael only nodded and followed the boy off the bus. The arcade was across the street from the mall, and the boys quickly made their way over. Michael held the door open for Luke and followed him inside. The place was dark, but there were flashing lights going off everywhere. Dings and pings could be heard all over the arcade, along with the sounds of bowling balls colliding with pins and falling against the wooden alley. The rest of the arcade was carpeted in black with little retro looking coloured shapes. It looked sort of like the kind of flooring you would see in a movie theatre. Beside the bowling alleys was a small dining area where you could get pizza and fries and other greasy snacks. It was something out of Michael’s dreams.

“Oh my god,” Luke said, eyes going wide at the sight in front of them, “you were right. This is beautiful.  Excellent choice, A+ activity.” Michael laughed, grabbing Luke’s hands and pulling him towards the bowling alleys.

“Come on, you wanted to bowl!” he shouted over the noise. There were quite a few people there. Michael recognized a few faces from school, hanging around the arcade in their separate cliques. They went over to the counter by the bowling alleys and paid for two games and two pairs of shoes. Michael put their names into the score machine and pressed ‘start’. They spent the better part of an hour bowling, cheering for each other when they bowled a strike or spare even though they’d yelled “Miss! Miss!” while the ball was rolling down the lane. Luke did an awkward little dance every time he got a strike, and Michael was laughing too hard to even think about being embarrassed. Luke was surprisingly good at bowling considering how he hadn’t been in years. He won both games, but only by a few points.

After they finished bowling they decided to try out a few of the games. There were a few racing games with big chairs and steering wheels that they just _had_ to play. Nearby were a few shooting games and claw machines. A couple was playing Dance Dance Revolution on the wall next to them, and a few feet over were some older games like Pac-Man and Tetris. Michael was in gaming heaven, and Luke seemed to be having just as much fun as he was. They took turns on one player games, waiting for the each other to lose or die before switching places. It didn’t take long for either of them to start noticing the change in their pockets was weighing less and less.

“Do you wanna get something to eat before we run out of money?” Michael asked. They were in the middle of playing one of the racing games (again), and Michael was starting to feel hungry. Luke nodded and they finished up the race before heading over to the dining area. The retro vibe didn’t end there. The floor was black and white alternating tiles, and the tables and chairs where puffy red vinyl. There were old license plates and different records hanging on the walls.

“Okay don’t judge me, but I feel the need to get a milkshake,” Michael said.

“I was just thinking the same thing!” Luke exclaimed. Michel grinned at the blond boy and gestured for him to lead the way to the counter. They ordered a large pepperoni pizza to share and two milkshakes. Michael ordered strawberry while Luke ordered chocolate, but they both agreed to let the other try theirs first. They found a booth near the back of the dining area and sat down across from each other. From there they could look out over the arcade and watch the people that were bowling. Michael slid his milkshake across the table to let Luke have a sip. He watched as Luke wrapped his lips around the straw and began to suck, wishing the action didn’t look so scandalous. _It’s a fucking milkshake you sick fuck,_ he told himself.

“Okay that’s amazing,” Luke said, pulling off of the straw. “Here try mine.” He pushed his drink towards Michael who grabbed the cup and took a sip.

“Holy shit I love chocolate,” Michael said, handing the glass back to Luke. They tried their own shakes finally, but both of them frowned at the taste.

“I like yours better,” Luke said, sitting his glass down.

“Same. Wanna trade?” Michael asked. Luke nodded eagerly and switched their shakes before greedily taking another sip. They started in on their pizza, watching as the cheese melted and went stringy as they pulled the slices apart.

“I’m having fun,” Luke said, licking at the pizza sauce that dribbled on his chin. Michael laughed and handed him a napkin.

“So am I; though I doubt this is the kind of thing Mr. Tharson had in mind when he gave us ‘beauty’ as a topic,” Michael stated. Luke shrugged and swallowed down another bite of his pizza.

“There’s beauty in everything. I think half the point of the project is to see what sticks out to us. Like, we picked an arcade, but someone else might have picked a ferry ride, or bird watching. It just depends on the individuals. Beauty is such a vague topic, and we’re both going to end up writing about different things anyways even though we did everything together. I think it’s a cool project. Plus we have an excuse to go- hang out,” Luke said.

“Go hang out?” Michael teased. Luke blushed and wiped at his mouth again.

“I almost said go out, but I didn’t want it to sound…I don’t know, weird,” Luke said. “Like, I don’t think this is or a date or anything obviously, and saying ‘go out’ kinda sounds like, well, a date,” he explained.

“I knew what you meant,” Michael said, taking another bite. “But I mean, our activities _have_ been sorta date like. Bowling? The beach? We even watched a fucking sunset together.” Both of them blushed at that, shaking their heads and looking down at the table.

“We did, didn’t we?” Luke said. “After knowing each other for like, three days.”

“It feels like I’ve known you longer than two weeks,” Michael admitted. Luke nodded in agreement.

“You’re like, my best friend Mikey,” Luke confessed. “I mean, I know Calum’s your best friend, but you’re mine.”

“You’re my best friend too,” Michael said. Luke smiled, and Michael wondered if the blush in his cheeks was real or just from the lights of the diner.

“You know, I was never this close with James,” Luke said softly. “I mean, he was my best friend, yeah. But I got closer with you after a week than I did with him after a year.” Michael ignored the urge to fist bump and kept listening. “Maybe it’s cause you accepted me, or maybe it’s just because we have so much in common.”

“Maybe it’s both,” Michael offered. He took another sip of his milkshake.

“Yeah, maybe it’s both,” Luke agreed. “I know I’ve said this before but I’m really glad we became friends.”

“Me too,” Michael said. “I’m sorry I was such a dick to you at first.” Luke shrugged and leaned forward in his seat.

“I’m sorry I got you in trouble that day.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Michael admitted. “I was just being a jerk because it was easier to blame someone else. Mrs. Roslyn has always had it out for me.” He grabbed another slice of pizza and pushed the last one over to Luke.

“She seems like a bitch,” Luke agreed, picking up the slice, “but maybe we had to fight at first so we could become friends on our own.” He took a bite. Underneath the table Michael felt Luke’s toes gently touch the end of his own.

“I love how you can make me being a dick a positive thing,” Michael said, a fond smile creeping onto his face.

“I think you’ve more than made up for it.” They held each other’s stare for a moment, green eyes meeting Luke’s shimmering blue ones.  Michael swore he heard sirens going off in his head. They weren’t, it was some kid winning a round of Dance Dance Revolution, but it felt fitting. This was a moment, Michael thought. They were having a _moment_. He bit down on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling too big and ruining the whole thing.

“Well well well, what do we have here?”

Michael and Luke both turned towards the voice, ready to bark at whoever interrupted them. As it turned out, Michael shouldn’t have been worried about ruining their moment because someone else showed up and did it for him. A lanky kid with a green plaid shirt and dark brown hair was hovering beside their table. He had a big nose and hazel eyes and even though Michael had never seen him before, he recognized him immediately.

James.


	8. even in the dark i can feel your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou
> 
> AN: This chapter contains minor violence, please be careful if you're easily triggered.

“Get the fuck out of here,” Michael said. It wasn’t exactly the nicest thing to greet someone with, but he didn’t regret saying it. He didn’t owe James a single thing, and he wasn’t letting this _bitch_ lay a finger on Luke.

“Whoa there, is this the boyfriend?” James asked, directing the last part at Luke. The blond boy was glaring daggers at James, pushing his shoulders back in an attempt to look brave. Michael felt a swell of pride at the courage Luke was displaying, fully aware of just how terrified Luke actually was.

“So what if I am?” Michael retorted, not wanting Luke to have to say anything to their intruder.

“That’s nice Lukey. Good for you. Not exactly the nicest drink of water but I suppose beggars can’t be choosers,” James sneered, giving Michael a once over.

“Get the fuck out of here,” Michael said again. “Leave us alone.” James met Michael’s stare and narrowed his eyes.

“It’s a public space, faggot,” he spit. “Why don’t you take your twink boyfriend and go somewhere else?”

“Don’t fucking talk to us like that, we were here first,” Michael argued. He felt anger boiling in his veins. How had Luke ever been friends with this piece of shit? No wonder he had to move. Michael felt his heart break for Luke who had come out to his best friend, only to have been shown the beast James really was. It made him feel sick that Luke ever had to live under James’ scrutiny.

“Don’t care,” James said, cocking his head. “You’re making everyone sick anyways. No one wants to see _this_ ,” he gestured to both of them, “in public. Or ever.” Michael grit his teeth and felt his nostrils flare. The fucking _nerve_ James had to come up to them was something else, and Michael wanted to deck the bastard.

“Give it a rest, James,” Luke said finally. Michael turned towards the boy to catch the end of Luke’s eye roll. “Literally no one cares. You are the only person that seems to be bothered by it, and we could care less if you’re _uncomfortable_. Not everything is about you, and the sooner you get your head out of your ass the better. Besides, I don’t see you here with anyone. Still can’t get a date James? With that haircut I’m not surprised.” Michael took another look at James’ hair and saw that Luke had a point. A petty one maybe, but definitely justified.

“You’re such a fucking bitch Luke. I should have known you were a goddamn fag when we were friends. People still laugh about you, you know. They still talk about how disgusting you are and how fucking glad we all were that you left. You make me sick,” James sneered. “I wonder what the kids here will say when they find out. Does anyone even care about you here?”

“That’s enough!” Michael shouted, getting up off the bench. He stepped up into James’ face and he looked him right in the eye. “You need to leave. Now.”

“What about you, fag? Do people care about you at school? I’ve never seen you before, and if you’re dating this cunt then I doubt anyone gives a shit about you either. What do you think they’ll say when I tell them all you’re a queer?”

“You do that and I’ll tell everyone about that time you pissed yourself at Derek’s party. I still have pictures, you know,” Luke threatened.

“You fucking wouldn’t,” James said, voice low. His stare was harsh, and Michael felt his skin itch being so close to someone so vile.

“Oh but I fucking would. I’m sick of you James. I’m sick of you being a dick, I’m sick of you thinking you’re so much better than me, and I’m sick of you thinking I’m gonna let you push me around again!” Luke shouted. People were starting to stare now; the commotion at the back of the dining hall was loud enough to overpower the music and crashing of bowling pins in the room.

“At least I’m not a fucking faggot,” James said, reaching past Michael and knocking Luke’s milkshake over. The glass fell and all of its contents spilled out over Luke’s shirt and jeans. The boy jumped up in shock, and Michael stared wide-eyed as the pink liquid dripped down the front of him. He turned back to James, and before he realized what he was doing he drew his arm back and swung. His fist collided with James’ face, and a sharp pain spread through Michael’s hand. James stumbled back, clutching at his face. Michael was shaking when James pulled his hands away. There was blood everywhere, dripping from James’ nose and coating his hands. His nose looked _broken,_ and before Michael could feel bad about it there was a hand on his back, pushing him away from the scene.

“You boys need to leave! Now!” someone shouted. They had a uniform on and Michael recognized him as the man who’d served them their food. He blindly reached for Luke’s hand, and somehow Luke found him. They were escorted rather forcefully out of the arcade, and Michael was glad they hadn’t sat any of their belongings on the table. James hadn’t been thrown out, and he assumed that someone was fussing over his nose. Michael dropped Luke’s hand in favour of caressing the one he’d used to punch James. There was a slight bruise already blooming on his knuckles, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He’d never hit anyone before. Sure, he’d pushed Calum around when they wrestled but he’d never actually _hit_ someone. His entire body was pumping adrenaline, and he was drunk on the endorphins.

“Are you okay?” Luke asked him, laying a hand on his back. The contact brought Michael back, and he turned to look at the scared boy next to him.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” Michael chanted. He was full on shaking now, and he reached out for Luke.

“I’m okay,” Luke said, “it’s okay. I’m fine.” Michael tried to pull Luke into him, but Luke stopped him. Michael’s eyes widened in fear that he’d scared Luke, not wanting to him to believe that Michael would ever hurt _him._

“Luke,” he whimpered, hating how desperate he sounded to have the boy near him.

“I’m right here,” Luke said, “I just can’t hug you cause I’m covered in milkshake,” he chuckled. Michael felt his body relax at the sound of Luke’s laugh.

“Don’t care,” he said, wrapping his arm around Luke. Luke hesitated for only a second before hugging him back. The front of Michael’s body went cold as it pressed against Luke’s, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was that Luke was okay. A hand was petting his hair, and Michael keened softly. He hated the sudden burst of neediness, but he supposed it came from having _punched someone._ When they pulled away, Luke looked up at Michael with worry in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked again. Michael nodded, trying to talk himself down.

“Yeah, just, shaken up I guess. I wasn’t going to hit him, it just happened. He spilt the drink on you and I just lost it,” Michael explained. His hands were still shaking but the tremors were slowing down. Luke put his hand on Michael’s shoulder.

“It’s okay. It was badass,” Luke said smiling. Michael laughed, and then kept laughing, the reality of what had happened settling in.

“I think I broke his nose,” Michael giggled, unable to control his laughter. Luke bit his lip before he started to laugh too.

“He deserved it,” Luke said, grabbing Michael’s hand and leading him towards the bus stop across the street. When they got there they sat down on the metal bench to wait for the next bus. Michael’s laughter died down and he let out a loud sigh. He sat there, staring at the road in front of him as the entire exchange with James played over and over again in his head.

“Are you okay?” Michael asked suddenly, turning to look at Luke. The blond boy nodded and smiled fondly.

“Yeah, I am,” he said, chewing on his lower lip. “I mean I was scared. But it wasn’t as bad with you there.”

“You were great,” Michael told him. “You stood up for yourself and didn’t take his shit and it was amazing. You were amazing.” Luke blushed and shook his head.

“I was sick of it. Sick of feeling scared and sick of letting him ruin everything. I didn’t wanna let him ruin this too,” Luke said quietly. Neither of them spoke after that, choosing instead to sit in silence and wait for a bus to come. It was another twenty minutes before the bus finally showed up, and the two of them shuffled inside and took a seat near the front. Michael was aware that both of them were covered in strawberry milkshake, and he wanted to laugh again but it didn’t feel right. He pulled his iPod and headphones out of his pocket and handed an earbud to Luke. They rode the bus to Michael’s house, listening to music and staring out the window. When they finally reached Michael’s house they thanked the driver and jumped out. The stop was only a few houses down from Michael’s, and they continued to share his headphones on the walk there. It was just after eight and the sky was already getting dark. They walked up to Michael’s front door and let themselves in, heading straight for Michael’s bedroom.

“Here,” Michael said, immediately going over to his closet to dig around for something to wear. “Put this on.” He tossed an old _Green Day_ shirt and a pair of sweats to Luke, making sure to throw them carefully so Luke didn’t miss and rub his wet shirt against the clean clothes.

“Thanks,” Luke said, catching the pile gracefully. He started to strip off his wet clothes and Michael had to force himself to look away. He focused on finding himself something to wear, ignoring the fact that Luke probably had no pants on five feet away from him. He dug out a black shirt and a pair of basketball shorts and started to change.

“Where should I put these?” Luke asked. Michael turned around to find Luke standing there shirtless, holding his milkshake stained clothes in front of him. Michael pulled his shirt over his head and went over to take the clothes from Luke. He tried not to stare at Luke’s naked torso, but he noticed a few freckles dotting his shoulders before he turned away.

“I’ll throw them in the wash,” Michael said, grabbing his own soiled clothes and leaving the room. He put their clothes on a small load and hit start. When he got back to his room, Luke was fully clothed and sitting cross-legged on Michael’s bed. Luke looked good in Michael’s clothes. He looked small, and Michael thought back to the last time Luke had looked this small. They’d been lying on the beach, and Michael had realized he liked the blue eyed boy as more than a friend. He shook off the memory and crawled onto the bed beside Luke. He reached for his remote and turned the TV on to the channel that always played movies. Transformers was on, so he left it, tossing the remote onto the table beside his bed. They watched the movie for a while, knees touching from how close they were sitting.

“You threw a punch for me,” Luke said suddenly. Michael turned to Luke, who was already looking at him.

“Yeah,” Michael said.

“You implied I was your boyfriend.”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Michael,” Luke said. “Why didn’t you just say no? When James asked if you were my boyfriend, you could’ve just said no.”

“Would it have made a difference?” Michael asked.

“Probably not. But he might not have come after you like that. If he tells people...” Luke trailed off. Michael’s heart started pounding in his chest. “If he tells people what happened he isn’t just going to out me. He’s gonna tell them we’re dating. “

“Do you care?” Michael asked Luke.

“No but-“

“Then why does it matter?” Michael interrupted.

“Because you don’t know what it’s like,” Luke said, turning his whole body to face Michael. “You’ve never had an entire student body hate you. Why would you willingly put yourself at risk for something like that when you aren’t even gay?”

“So you don’t have to deal with it alone,” Michael whispered. Luke’s eyes widened and a look of disbelief crossed his face.

“What?” he asked Michael.

“Look, I can’t stop him from telling people about you. I can’t stop him from fucking your life up again no matter how much I wish I could. But I can at least take some of the heat. Besides, more people know me than you, so maybe you won’t have it as bad. I don’t want it to be like your old school. I told you I would protect you,” Michael explained, “I want to be able to follow through. No one really likes me anyways; I don’t care if they have another reason not to.”

“But Michael, it’s horrible. Having everyone turn against you, all of your friends…it’s horrible. You shouldn’t have taken the risk of it happening to you, just so you could protect me,” Luke argued. His eyes were sad, and Michael hated seeing him upset.

“Luke,” Michael said, “I have you and I have Calum. That’s it. As long as I have you guys, I’m fine. I’ve dealt with people hating me since kindergarten. I don’t care.” Luke’s shoulders sagged and his lower lip jutted outwards in a pout.

“You shouldn’t have to live with people hating you,” Luke sighed. “You’re wonderful. You’re funny and you’re nice and you threw a fucking punch for me! You’re the only person I’ve ever been this close with, and it’s only been two weeks! I feel like I’ve known you for years, Michael. You’re that kind of person.”

“So are you,” Michael found himself saying. “You make everything seem so easy. Like, even the hard shit. It took me months to tell Calum about my scars and you got it out of me a minute after you realized something was wrong. That isn’t something I’d share with just anyone. But you make everything comfortable and fun and I want to protect you even though _you’re_ the one that makes _me_ feel safe. Fuck, I was a total ass to you for weeks and you still forgave me without even asking for an explanation! You’re a good person Luke, and you never deserved any of the shit you went through.” Michael’s hands were shaking again, and his heart was thumping so hard inside of his chest that it felt like it would burst out.

“It got me to you,” Luke said quietly. “If James hadn’t run me out of my old school I never would have met you.” Michael realized it was true. It was because of James that he had Luke in the first place, and the selfish part him of wanted to thank the bastard for being such a…well, bastard.

“There you go again,” Michael said, shaking his head. “Making being a dick a positive thing.”

“It’s true though,” Luke said, laughing softly. “I mean it was hell, but… I got you out of all of it so I can’t help but think it was worth it.” Michael smiled, enjoying the feeling of his heart swelling.

“If something good can come out of what you went through, than something good can come out of this too,” Michael told him. He leaned back against the headboard and patted the bed beside him. Luke crawled over and sprawled out next to him.

“I don’t want it to get bad for you and have you decide to hate me for it,” Luke confessed. “It’s not that I think you will, I just… I don’t want to lose you.” Michael scooted down on the bed so he was lying face to face with Luke.

“You’re not going to lose me,” he assured him. “I want you around too much.” Luke smiled and pushed closer to Michael so that his head tucked under the older boy’s chin. They moved their limbs around so they were cuddling in a position they’d found themselves in more than once before. Michael ran his hand through Luke’s hair and traced patterns on the back of his neck. He felt Luke sigh against him and try to snuggle in closer. Michael rolled back so he was lying flat on the bed and pulled Luke up so his head was on Michael’s chest and their legs were slotted together. They wrapped their arms around each other and soaked up each other’s warmth, enjoying the moment comfort after such an eventful evening.

“I can’t believe you threw a punch for me,” Luke said. His hand began drawing lazy circles on Michael’s chest, and Michael tilted his head down so his cheek was cushioned by Luke’s hair.

“You’re never going to get over that, are you?” he asked with a chuckle. Luke hummed.

“Nope,” he said. “Is your hand okay?” Michael scratched the back of Luke’s head gently.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Michael answered. Luke picked up the hand Michael had used to hit James from where it was lying on chest.

“It’s bruised. We should probably ice it,” Luke said, examining the knuckles. He ran his thumb gently across each bump, the typically pale skin now a mix of blues and greens.

“I don’t wanna move,” Michael said, tightening his embrace around Luke. He nuzzled the side of his face in Luke’s hair, the softness and familiarity of it making him dread the thought of ever having to move. “Can you stay here tonight?” Michael asked. Luke nodded gently against his chest.

“Probably. I’ll have to call and ask, but as long as I show up for school tomorrow it should be fine,” Luke replied, still studying Michael’s hand. Michael watched as Luke looked at each knuckle, caressing the skin around the edges of every bruise. Luke brought the hand up to his lips and placed an apologetic kiss on each knuckle. Michael smiled, watching Luke’s lips press against his skin. When he was done, Luke went to set Michael’s hand back down, but before he could the older boy switched their position. Michael pulled his hand out of Luke’s grip and then laced their fingers together. Their hands fell against his chest right in front of Luke’s face. The blond boy watched as Michael’s thumb moved comfortingly over his own hand, letting him know silently that everything was okay.

Michael couldn’t help but think about how intimate they were being. Not many friends were so quick to lie like this, cuddled up together and holding each other’s hands. Every rational part of his brain was telling him that this wasn’t normal. Normal people didn’t do this. This was something couples did; couples who had been together for a long time, much longer than two weeks. He shouldn’t feel this way with Luke, but despite their lack of history Michael ached at how _right_ it felt. Lying with Luke like this, holding his hand. It felt like second nature, like something he’d been doing his entire life, something he wanted to keep doing.

“Are you okay?” Luke asked softly. “Your heart’s beating really fast.” Michael looked down at where Luke was laying, head just above where his heart was.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Michael said, playing with Luke’s fingers.

“Is this weird?” Luke asked, tilting his chin up to look at Michael. “Like, us lying like this?”

“No,” Michael replied frowning. “It’s nice.” Luke seemed to accept his answer and let his head drift back down. He gazed at their joined hands.

“Most friends don’t do this, do they,” Luke said, soft voice turning the question into a statement. Michael moved his thumb along Luke’s own.

“No,” Michael answered, “they don’t.” They let the topic drop. Michael wondered for fleeting second if there would ever be a possibility of Luke liking him back. He didn’t dwell on the thought for long. The ache of Luke never liking him in return hurt him too much to think about, and the possibility that he could made Michael hope too much to be healthy. Moments like these were dangerous. Moments like these were enough to trick Michael into believing that there was a chance for him with Luke. He didn’t think about how much better Luke could do, or how the chances of Luke liking him back were slim to none. He could let himself pretend that Luke wanted him as much as he wanted Luke. Moments like these were dangerous because Michael was struck with the urge to confess his feelings to Luke, wishing that the boy cuddled beside him could just be _his_.

“I’m glad we do,” Luke whispered, lips brushing against the fabric of Michael’s shirt. Michael smiled into Luke’s hair.

“Me too,” Michael agreed.

They spent the night snuggled up beside each other, ignoring the movie playing in the background. Once it started getting late, Luke called his mom to see if he could stay over at Michael’s that night. She had agreed so long as he made it to school on time the next day and didn’t skip any of his classes. After the phone call the boys were crawling back into bed together, no longer worried about whether or not it was a ”normal” thing for two friends to be doing. What would happen tomorrow didn’t matter. Neither did what people might say. They just enjoyed the serenity while they could, grateful to have found an escape within each other.


	9. don't let the colours fade to grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It doesn’t matter if I’m off the beat. It doesn’t matter if I’m snapping to the rhythm. It doesn’t matter if I look like a complete goon when I dance. It is my dance. It is my moment. It is mine. And dance I will. Try and stop me. You’ll probably get kicked in the face.” - Dan Pearce

Like most things, the bliss didn’t last for long. The next morning the boys were forced out of their seclusion and thrust back into the real world. The hours of serenity and peacefulness - as much needed and appreciated as they were - were not enough to prepare them for what would happen when they walked into school the next day.

The news spread fast. Michael supposed James had started his crusade the night before, telling the kids he was with at the arcade about him and Luke. Those kids must have told their friends and so on, because when the pair stepped into the hallway on Thursday morning all eyes were on them. Michael felt his skin prickle with unease, anxious about the day that lay ahead of them. Is this what it was like for Luke when he had been outed at his old school? Did he have to walk the halls alone with everyone staring at him, tearing him apart with their eyes and their mumbled comments? Michael cringed at the image of Luke, cautiously drifting through hallways full of laughing students and hateful jeers.

They made it to Maths without any confrontation. They sat in their usual seats next to Calum, ignoring the prying eyes of their classmates. When they sat down, Calum leaned over to whisper to both of them.

“Are you guys okay?” he asked. “Everyone’s talking about you.”

“We’re fine,” Michael answered, looking to Luke for confirmation. Luke nodded and smiled, taking a deep breath as he did so. Michael beamed at Luke, overcome with adoration at just how brave the blond boy was. Twice now he’d had to deal with James’ reckless tongue and lack of compassion, but Luke held his head high and pushed through, showing no signs of being negatively affected by the turn of events.

“What happened last night? Did you really punch James?” Calum asked, failing to hide the excitement in his voice. Calum secretly loved to gossip, and he loved drama so long as he wasn’t a part of it. Instead of answering, Michael held his bruised hand up to show Calum. The boy grabbed his hand and examined the bruise.

“Holy shit,” Calum whispered. “I heard you broke his nose.”

“He deserved it,” Luke replied, eyes flitting to Michael. Michael nodded and pulled his hand back.

“Good for you, then,” Calum said. He paused for a moment, glancing around the classroom. People were still staring at them, leaning over their desks to whisper to their friends behind cupped hands. “You know,” Calum started, “he said you guys were like, dating.”

“We know,” Luke answered, “you can blame Michael for that.” Calum turned to give Michael a _look_ before directing his attention back to Luke. “James asked if he was my boyfriend and Mr. Tough Guy here didn’t exactly deny it.”

“It shouldn’t make a difference,” Michael added, resisting to the urge to roll his eyes.

“But you’re not though, right?” Calum asked. Michael and Luke both shook their heads.

“Pretty sure we would’ve told you,” Luke laughed. The bell rang, and the students that were just filing in took their seats. The lesson went without interruption, the only issue being the eyes Michael felt flicking towards him every now and then. It was more of a nuisance if anything, and he wanted to stand up and tell everyone to mind their own damn business.

 After Maths, Michael said good-bye to his friends and headed off to Science. He’d made sure to arrive on time after what had happened on Luke’s first day. He took his seat near the back and pulled out his notebook, doodling band logos and solar systems while he waited for class to start. He was just finishing drawing the rings around Saturn when he felt a presence next to him. Turning his head, he saw a boy from his class sit down beside him. Michael found this odd, seeing as he normally sat alone during Science. The boy had dark brown hair that would probably look black under most lighting, and eyes that were the same shade. Michael recognized him, but he’d never spoken to the boy before. He didn’t even know his name. They didn’t speak to each other, and soon enough class was starting. They were learning about covalent bonds, and as much as Michael knew he should be paying attention, he simply couldn’t be bothered to sit attentively and pretend he cared. About half way through the lecture, he felt someone poking the side of his arm. He turned to look at the boy next to him, the dark eyes of his neighbor already looking back at him.

“Hey,” the boy said, “aren’t you that kid with the boyfriend?” _Uh oh_ , Michael thought.  The last thing he needed right now was for some asshole to start pestering him about something he wasn’t even sure how to talk about.

“What’s it to you?” he asked, not wanting to confirm or deny anything. He wasn’t actually dating Luke, but keeping up the charade helped protect him.

“I think it’s cool that you came out,” the boy said. Michael narrowed his eyes slightly, unsure if he trusted the guy. The boy’s smile seemed sincere enough, so Michael relaxed.

“We didn’t come out,” Michael countered, “that James kid outed us.” The boy look surprised, as if he hadn’t known that was what really happened. After a moment he shrugged, picking up his pen and jotting down the notes Mrs. Roslyn had put up on the board.

“Still,” the boy said, “I think it’s cool.” His hand worked fast and Michael felt the urge to pick up his own pencil and copy the notes himself. “It’s nice knowing that there are others.”

“Others?” Michael asked. He turned his head to the boy. “What do you mean?” The boy shrugged.

“That are gay,” he answered.

“Oh.”

They didn’t speak again for the rest of the period, but Michael was stuck replaying the conversation over in his mind. _Others_. Of course there would be other gay people at his school; it would be weird if there wasn’t. However, Michael had never known anyone else that was gay besides Luke. No one had ever come out at their school before, and Michael wondered if the boy beside him had the same fears that he had, or that Luke had. He wondered how many other people were walking the hallways that day, seeing him and Luke beside each other, wondering if it was true; wondering if they were really together, and out. Michael wondered how many other people he’d met that were hiding themselves because of the stares and the jeers he’d already received in the past two hours. He didn’t like the idea of any of his peers feeling unaccepted and afraid. Perhaps he wasn’t just helping Luke. Maybe by being visible he was helping other people not be so afraid. He took another glance at the boy next to him, watching as he scribbled out the words from the board. Did he feel comfortable in his own skin? Did seeing Michael with Luke, or hearing about them help him feel less alone? The possibility made Michael smile, and he sat through the rest of the hour feeling optimistic that by being ‘out’ with Luke, he was helping someone else know that they didn’t have to be alone.

He went to English class feeling a light bounce in his step, but the mood was soon shattered when he saw Luke. The boy was sitting in his usual seat, but his head was hung down and Michael could see his hands shaking from the front of the room. He quickly walked over and took his seat beside Luke, noticing the way he was chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“Luke?” Michael asked, leaning over in an attempt to get the boy’s attention. “What happened?” He placed his hand on Luke’s back, ignoring the way the whole classroom moved to look at them. Luke turned and managed a half smile, but it didn’t meet his eyes. Michael knew better.

“Nothing,” Luke said, doing his best to appear unaffected by whatever was bothering him.

“We both know that isn’t true,” Michael said softly. “What happened?” he asked again. Luke sighed, turning his body to face Michael.

“It’s nothing, really. Nothing new anyways,” he said, “just some asshole in my history class. Nothing I haven’t heard before.” Michael frowned, feeling a surge of anger rush through him.

“Who was it?” he asked, moving his hand to Luke’s knee. “I swear to god I’m not afraid to break another nose.” Luke laughed a bit at that, and Michael smiled knowing that Luke would be okay soon enough.

“I don’t even know the guy,” Luke answered honestly. “It’s fine, really. Just sucked cause I was alone, you know? I’ll be okay, I just need to listen to some music and remember that it doesn’t matter.” Michael nodded, moving back into his own desk space.

“That’s a good idea. I’m sorry I couldn’t have been there,” he said. Luke smiled and shook his head.

“It’s okay. I know you would’ve gone all Hulk on him if you were,” Luke teased, causing Michael to let out a burst of laughter.

“You deck a guy once and you’re branded for life,” he chuckled. They laughed together, turning back to face the front of the room when Mr. Tharson got up from his desk to address the class.

“Okay guys, you only have one more week to work on you journal assignments. I really hope you’ve been completing some activities with your partner. You can have the rest of the hour to work on your journal entries or to plan out your final activities with you partner. Just try to keep the noise down for those that want to work. If you have any questions, don’t be afraid to come and ask. I’m here all lunch hour as well. Okay, get to it!” Mr. Tharson finished. Michael smiled, opening up his notebook and flipping to a blank page. He decided to write his journal entry about their day at the arcade. Once he found a fresh sheet of paper, he tapped his pencil on the empty page.

The first half of their time at the arcade had been perfect. He’d been having fun with Luke, enjoying the energy of the other people playing games and hanging around. It would have been the perfect outing, had James not shown up and ruined it. Michael felt himself growing agitated by the memory, and he wasn’t sure how he was going to talk about the beauty of the arcade when all he could think about was the ugliness that was James. After a minute or two of thinking, Michael decided he would just start writing and see what came out.

_Last night I went to the arcade with Luke. There’s a really cool place near the mall that has a lot of classic games and newer ones, along with a bowling alley and a retro diner where you can get something to eat. It might not be your typical picture when you think of the word beauty, but to me it was heaven. It was dark, but there were so many coloured lights flashing everywhere that it seemed bright at the same time. The floor had this cool retro movie theatre vibe to it, and the diner looked like something out of the 50’s. Luke and I went bowling first, playing for awhile before we decided to move on and try the arcade games. We probably spent over half of our savings on this one racing game, but it was totally worth it. All in all it should have been a perfect day, but it wasn’t._

_Luke and I were drinking milkshakes and eating pizza and just having a laugh. It was nice to spend time with him in a place like that. It would’ve made a nice date, actually. Everything was perfect, and I was happy. I know I wrote before about feeling the beauty rather than seeing it, and this was definitely one of those times. At least, it would have been._

_There was an incident at the arcade. I won’t go into detail, but the evening was pretty much ruined. Some people feel the need to intrude on other people’s lives. They think they should get a say on how one lives. They don’t realize the damage they cause, or maybe they do and they just don’t care._

_Some people say there’s beauty in destruction. I’m not disagreeing, because watching a fire burn is just as beautiful starting one. But, I think there’s a line to it. I think sometimes the destruction is too much. I don’t see anything beautiful in taking an innocent person and making them feel afraid. I don’t see the beauty in wanting to hurt someone so much that they have to leave their life behind and start over._

_I do see the beauty in beginnings. I see the beauty in blue eyes and bruises and bus stops. I see the beauty in broken bones and the symbolism they have. I see the beauty in taking a stand, and I see the beauty in knowing that it’s time to begin again. I think I’ve come to like change. Maybe that’s a bit masochistic of me, seeing as the change around me hasn’t always been good. But someone I know has this thing where he can always find the good in a shitty situation, and I think it’s starting to rub off on me. I think I was craving a connection to someone and perhaps I found it in Luke._

_I know this might not seem like it’s about the arcade, but believe me, it is. It’s as much about the arcade is it is about the beach, and the sunset. It’s about me feeling the beauty, and maybe that isn’t always something I know how to describe._

Michael looked down at his paper. He maybe sort of liked what he’d written. It probably wasn’t what Mr. Tharson had in mind, but he couldn’t find himself to be bothered to change anything. In fact, he felt compelled to leave it exactly as it was.

 

***

 

When class was over, Michael and Luke headed to the cafeteria. Michael couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous to be in such an open setting full of people that assumed they knew what his sexuality was, but he relaxed knowing he would have both Luke and Calum with him.

Once they arrived at their table, they were greeted by not only Calum, but also Ashton. The hazel-eyed boy was cheerfully talking about the upcoming footie game they were preparing for and munching on a granola bar. He looked up and smiled when he saw Michael and Luke, immediately rushing to move any of his and Calum’s belongings that might be taking up extra space.

“Hey!” Ashton said. “Hope you don’t mind that I’m joining you again.” Michael smiled and sat down beside Calum.

“Not at all,” he said. “You can sit with us whenever you want.” Ashton beamed at him as Luke took his seat. They all began digging into their lunches, making light conversation. The majority of the lunch hour went smoothly, and it wasn’t until right near the bell that they ran into a bit of a problem. Luke had gotten up to throw away his garbage; offering to take everyone else’s as well. On his way back to the table, a kid from Calum’s English class stuck his foot out from his own table and deliberately tripped Luke. The blond boy went flying to the floor as the tables nearby erupted with laughter. Michael turned towards the noise and felt a rush of panic pulse through him. Before he could do anything, Ashton was leaping up from the table and rushing over to help Luke up.

“What the fuck is your problem!?” Ashton shouted, addressing half of the lunch room. Michael froze, having never heard Ashton cuss before. The room went quiet. “Are you really that fucking immature? Go back to jacking each other’s flaccid dicks while your balls are still attached!”

“Interesting choice of insult, but highly effective,” Calum said as Ashton and Luke came back to the table.

“I don’t make a habit of cussing people out,” Ashton replied, blush creeping onto his face.

“You were right to,” Michael said, giving a look of appreciation to Ashton. “Luke, are you alright?”

“I’m good,” Luke nodded. His face was red but he was in one piece, and Michael hurt knowing Luke had probably faced worse torment in the past. “Thanks Ash,” Luke said. Ashton only nodded, sitting his hands down in his lap.

“I heard about what happened the other day,” Ashton said. “Calum told me you guys aren’t really dating, but the shit you have to deal with is just…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I’m sorry people are such dicks.”

“You can’t please everyone,” Luke said, resting his elbows on the table.

“Do you guys wanna come over after school?” Michael asked suddenly. He had a newfound appreciation for Ashton, and he knew Luke would be in need of some cheering up. He wanted all of his friends to hang out together and laugh and have fun, and he wanted Ashton to be a part of that.

“Sure,” Calum said. He was watching Luke carefully, looking to make sure he didn’t get his trademark ‘I’m sad but I’m not going to talk about it’ face on.

“Yeah, that would be nice,” Luke agreed. They all turned to look at Ashton who looked at them all in turn.

“Me too?” he asked. Michael nodded and laughed.

“Yes you too,” he said. “As far as I’m concerned you’re a part of our group now.” Calum and Luke nodded in agreement and Michael watched as Ashton’s face broke out into a wide grin.

“Okay!” he said cheerfully. The bell rang and they all said goodbye, agreeing to meet up by the gym at the end of the day. From there they could head over to Michael’s together.

As he left the cafeteria, Michael was feeling slightly overwhelmed. So much had happened and only half the day had gone by. He was feeling extremely grateful to have people like Calum, Luke, and now Ashton in his life. He knew that the next few days could be hard on him and Luke, but he felt good knowing that there were now two other people there to look out for them.

 

***

 

After school, the four of them took the bus to Michael’s house. When they got there they headed straight to Michael’s room, tossing their bags in the corner and making themselves at home on the bed and floor.

“Who’s up for FIFA?” Michael asked.

“Not me,” Ashton says, “but I’ll watch.” Michael and Luke frowned, but Calum was rolling his eyes.

“Ashton _doesn’t_ _like_ FIFA,” he explained. Michael’s eyes bulged and Luke’s jaw dropped.

“What do you mean you don’t like FIFA?” Luke asked Ashton. The boy only shrugged, leaning back against the bed from where he sat on the floor.

“I just don’t like it,” Ashton said, as if _that_ was an answer. “I prefer the real thing, I guess.” Michael shook his head.

“Never in my sixteen years…” Michael muttered, taking the game out of his Xbox and digging around for something that they would all enjoy.

“Wait, you’re sixteen too?” Ashton asked Michael. Michael nodded.

“Yeah, I had to repeat kindergarten,” he explained. “You?”

“My grades dropped when my dad left and I was helping take care of my siblings, so I decided to drop out and just repeat a year,” Ashton explained.

“I’m sorry,” Michael said, handing a controller to Ashton.

“It’s cool,” Ashton assured him. “We’re doing fine now. I think we were better off.” Michael didn’t comment, not knowing exactly what he should say to his new friend.

“I’m glad,” Luke answered for him. Michael smiled at the blond boy and they all settled in to spend the evening playing video games and getting to know each other. Calum already knew quite a bit about Ashton, most likely due to their English project. Michael wondered how it was going for them, and made a mental note to ask Calum about it later. The two of them seemed to get on extremely well. Calum was silly and unguarded around Ashton, and Ashton looked like he was the same way. The hazel eyed boy had a parental aura about him, and Michael realized it might be because of taking care of his siblings at such a young age. Maybe Calum was a good escape for him.

Ashton couldn’t stay for long, saying he had to get home and help make dinner for his family and Calum said he wanted to rest up because their football team had a game the next day.

“You guys should come,” Calum said as he was getting ready to leave. “You don’t come to the games much,” he said to Michael. It was true; Michael hadn’t been to one of Calum’s games in a while. He didn’t like sitting alone, but he realized this time he wouldn’t have to.

“We should go,” Luke said to Michael. Michael nodded, smiling at the way Luke’s eyes lit up.

“It’s after school,” Calum told them. They nodded and said goodbye, Michael closing the door behind him once he’d left.

“Mind if I stay a bit longer?” Luke asked. Michael shook his head.

“Not at all.”

They went back to Michael’s room and Luke picked up Michael’s guitar. He sat down on the bed and began strumming mindless chords. Michael crawled up beside him and watched Luke’s finger dance along the neck of the instrument. They’d both gotten much better at it since they’d started playing together. They worked well together, encouraging each other and offering assistance when one of them messed up. Michael enjoyed times like these; when it was just the two of them and a guitar.

“Do you wanna film a cover?” Luke asked, looking up from watching his own hands pluck away at the strings.

“Now?” Michael asked. They’d talked about it before, but they still hadn’t actually filmed one. Michael wasn’t sure now was the best time for them to do it after what had happened with James. People thought they were together now, _and_ people assumed they were both gay. Michael didn’t want to post a cover just to have it be another platform for people to insult them.

“Yeah,” Luke replied. Michael frowned, plucking at a loose seam on his jeans.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” he asked. “You know, after what happened?” Luke tilted his head in confusion, but then smiled slightly once he understood what Michael was getting at. He sat the guitar down.

“Yes,” Luke said. He sounded determined, and Michael looked up to meet Luke’s eyes.

“But what if people you know, send us hate? I don’t want it to be another excuse for them to make fun of us,” Michael said. “I don’t want you getting hurt. Or me, for that matter.” Luke frowned and scooted closer to Michael.

“You know something? I think we should do it _because_ of what happened,” Luke insisted. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned since I’ve met you it’s that I shouldn’t be so afraid. There are always going to be people that don’t like you and want to see you hurt. But why should that stop you from doing something you love? Why should you let it hold you back?” He paused, glancing down at his lap. “Maybe I’m a hypocrite,” he said, “because I ran away when things got bad. But I feel like I got another chance with you. Things aren’t so hard anymore. And it’s like you said; as long as I have you and Calum, who really cares about anyone else? We’ve got Ashton now too. I don’t want to keep living my life holding back, and I don’t think you do either, right?”

“Yeah,” Michael agreed, and Luke smiled.

“I know this is probably hard for you. I mean, you’re dealing with all of this bullshit just so I don’t have to go through it alone,” Luke said. “I’m so fucking grateful for you, Mikey. You’ve accepted me and helped me and you’ve gone the extra mile to try and protect me. I don’t want you losing yourself trying to look after me, and I want you to know that I’m looking after you too. I might not be as good at it as you are, but I am. That’s why I think we should do this; to remind you that you don’t need to be afraid and that it doesn’t fucking matter what anyone has to say.”

“You’re kind of incredible, you know that?” Michael said, only realizing what he’d said after the words had already left his mouth. Before he could worry, Luke was grinning at him, teeth showing and eyes crinkling up.

“So are you,” Luke replied. He picked up the guitar and handed it to Michael. “You play and I’ll sing, okay?” Michael took the guitar and sat it across his lap. He strummed a chord experimentally before looking back up at Luke and nodding.

“Okay.”


	10. i could watch you for a lifetime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is it really possible to tell someone else what one feels?” - Leo Tolstoy
> 
> AN: This chapter goes hand in hand with the next one, as chapter 11 is a continuation of this one.

Their cover got a hundred views overnight. It was mostly thanks to Calum and Ashton sharing the video on Facebook (and insisting they be invited to join in next time), but Michael and Luke didn’t care. Most of the feedback had been positive, telling them that they’d done a good job and should post more covers soon. There were a few negative comments but the good outweighed the bad, and Michael was glad Luke had talked him into doing it. It was cool to see the reactions to their video. He had never played guitar in front of anyone other than Calum and Luke, so to have people complimenting his playing and asking for more felt amazing. People loved Luke’s voice as well. It was the perfect mix of smooth tones and near flawless runs, accompanied by the slight scratch of his voice maturing. He sounded amazing, and Michael found himself playing their video again and again to admire Luke’s sound.

School the next day wasn’t so bad either. Instead of hearing people whispering about his “relationship” with Luke, he was given compliments about their cover and inquires about when they would be posting another. By the time English class rolled around, Michael was in an exceptionally good mood. He’d sat down at his desk and waited for Luke, the boy arriving shortly after he did.

“How was class?” Michael asked him, hoping that Luke’s day was going as well as his own. He’d hate it if Luke was having a repeat of the day before.

“It was good!” Luke said smiling. “That kid who was rude to me the other day apologized and then said he liked our cover. How cool is that?” Michael smiled, feeling at ease knowing that things were looking up for both of them.

“That’s great,” Michael replied. “I’m really glad he apologized.”

Mr. Tharson went to the front of the room once the bell had rung. He reminded them that they only had one week left to complete their journal assignments. Michael and Luke only had one activity left to complete, so he wasn’t worried at all about them getting it done. He was however slightly worried that his journal entries weren’t what Mr. Tharson would be expecting. Michael’s take on the topic was probably very different than Luke’s, and while that was sort of the point of the project, he wondered if he was doing the assignment wrong. Was he supposed to be writing more about what he’d done and less about how he felt? Was he taking the assignment too personally? Michael wasn’t sure if how he felt could be considered ‘beauty’. He glanced over at Luke and saw that his headphones were in and he was sketching out a picture of a TV screen. On the screen was a stick man holding a rose, and Michael resisted the urge to chuckle fondly at the doodle.

At the front of the room, Mr. Tharson was typing something out on his computer. Everyone else seemed to be busy working or talking quietly with their partners, so Michael thought _fuck it_ and decided to go ask Mr. Tharson a few questions. He wanted to know if he should re-write some of his entries, or at least edit them so that he didn’t fail. English was the one class he actually sort of cared about, even though he would never admit it. Maybe it was because Mr. Tharson was so laidback and was the only teacher who had ever seemed to notice Michael’s potential. He didn’t want Mr. Tharson to think he was slacking off when he’d been the only person to show any interest in Michael.

He got up from his desk and carefully approached his teacher. He didn’t want to interrupt, but as soon as he was standing in front of the desk, Mr. Tharson looked up and smiled.

“Michael, what can I do for you?” he asked, leaning back in his chair.

“I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about the journal thing,” Michael said. Mr. Tharson nodded and pulled out the spare chair he kept by his desk. He gestured for Michael to come around the table and have a seat.

“Ask away,” Mr. Tharson said. Michael sat down and turned so he was facing his teacher.

“Okay well, my topic is beauty,” Michael started, “and I feel like I’ve been maybe going about it wrong.”

“What do you mean?” Mr. Tharson asked, swinging one of his legs up to cross it over his other knee.

“Well, should I be writing about the activity, or the experience?” Michael asked. “Because they’re different, and I’ve been writing more about the experience. Like, we went to the beach, Luke and I, and I was wondering if I’m supposed to be writing about the way it looked? Like, the waves and the sky and stuff? Or is it okay if I’m writing about how I feel and what made me enjoy it?” He scratched the back of his head, feeling awkward talking about feelings with his teacher. Mr. Tharson showed no sign of judging him though, and the older man smiled at Michael.

“Well, that depends. What aspect do you find the most beauty in?” Mr. Tharson asked.

“How I feel,” Michael answered without hesitation. “How it makes me feel, and how it differs from what I might typically feel.” Mr. Tharson nodded.

“Then write about that. There’s really no wrong way to write a journal entry. It’s all your own thoughts. If going to the beach made you feel happy, and you found beauty in that happiness, by all means write about happiness. As long as it comes back to beauty and was inspired by the activity, you’re on the right track,” he said.

“Okay,” Michael said nodding, “thanks. I was bit worried I’d done it all wrong and that I’d have to go back and change everything.”

“Don’t edit how you feel,” Mr. Tharson told him. “I’m sure you’re doing just fine, and going back and changing things would take away from the rawness of how you really felt about something.” Michael thought back this last entry about the arcade. He thought about how he hadn’t wanted to change anything about it. Perhaps it was because of what Mr. Tharson was saying; that it would erase the rawness of how he’d felt.

“Thanks,” Michael said, beginning to stand.

“Wait, Michael,” Mr. Tharson stopped him. Michael sat back down, looking at his teacher expectantly. “How’s your project going?” he asked.

“It’s good,” Michael said honestly. “We have one more activity left, but I’m sure we’ll end up doing it soon. We planned all our activities out on the first day,” he explained.

“That’s good,” Mr. Tharson said, “and Luke? Are you two getting along? I know he’s new. I’m curious as to how he’s adapting.”

“He’s good,” Michael said, turning his head back to look at Luke. Just as he did, the boy looked up and met his eye. Luke arched an eyebrow but smiled at him, and Michael grinned at his friend. “We’re really good friends.”

“I’m glad,” Mr. Tharson said, eyes flitting between the two. “It would have sucked if you guys partnered up and then found out you didn’t get along.” Michael looked back to his teacher and nodded.

“We actually became friends the day before the project. It’s been a really good way to get to know each other,” Michael replied. Mr. Tharson smiled and pushed his chair back.

“That’s good to hear,” he said. Michael stood back up and pushed the chair back so it was tucked under the desk. “If you have any other questions, you know where to find me,” Mr. Tharson told him.

“Yeah, thanks again,” Michael said, offering him a smile before heading back to his desk. He was glad to know he didn’t have to change any of his entries. Michael liked the idea of them being described as _raw_. It felt like the term fit. It was nice to have a project that was so flexible while still sticking to a main idea, and Michael was secretly glad he’d gotten the assignment. He sat back down at his own desk and snuck a glance at Luke.

Yeah, he was definitely glad he’d gotten the assignment.

 

***

 

After gym class, Michael waited for Luke to finish changing so they could head over to the football field together. Calum had gotten out of gym class because of the game, so it was just the two of them. Michael leaned against the wall outside of the changing room door, waiting for Luke to come out.

“Hey,” Luke said, swinging the door open, “ready to go?”

“I was ready almost ten minutes ago,” Michael teased, swinging his bag up onto his shoulder. Luke rolled his eyes and playfully shoved Michael’s arm.

“I didn’t take _that_ long,” Luke claimed. They left the double doors exiting the gym and started making their way to the bleachers beside the field.

“Right,” Michael replied sarcastically.

The field was just beside the school. It wasn’t as big as a professional field, but it was big enough that none of the players ever complained. Beside the field were a few rows of bleachers, and a few students had already found a spot among the benches. The two of them approached the bleachers and climbed up to the third row. There weren’t many people there yet, but Michael knew the place would be filling up soon. Footie games were always a big hit.

Michael and Luke made idle conversation while they waited for the game to start. From the bleachers, he could see Calum and Ashton warming up on the field. They were taking a few practice shots and stretching their limbs. When Calum turned towards the benches he spotted Michael and Luke and waved. He tapped Ashton’s shoulder and the hazel eyed boy turned around to look at where Calum was pointing. His eyes fell on the two boys in the bleachers and he stretched his face into a wide grin, waving excitedly. Michael and Luke both waved back and smiled at their friends.

It had been a while since Michael had been to a game. He felt a little bad knowing that Calum had probably wanted him there, but Michael was grateful that Calum knew and understood why he preferred to stay home. The games got loud and rowdy, and Michael didn’t like being squished between two strangers while he fought to keep his eyes on Calum’s body running up and down the field. This time would be different. This time he didn’t have to sit alone and pretend like he wasn’t highly annoyed at being pushed around by strangers. Luke was with him, and Luke had a way of making everything seem exciting; even if it was just sitting on a bench and watching a sport he could only play by tapping his thumbs against a controller.

Within the next few minutes, the players were taking their place on the field. The game started and everyone was running around, passing the ball to each other and trying to steal it away from the other team. Ashton was quick, his lean legs fast enough to get in front of the other players and snatch the ball out from between their feet. He stole the ball and passed it to Calum who kicked hard and made a goal from halfway down the field. Their school’s supporters erupted in cheers, Michael and Luke both standing up to shout encouragement to their friend. Already Michael was having more fun than he usually would at one of the games. It was nice to have someone to talk to when not much was happening on the field. Before he knew it the game was wrapping up with only ten seconds left on the clock. They were tied with the rival team, and the players were fighting it out for the chance to claim victory. Calum managed to snag the ball and took off down the field, dribbling expertly around his opponents. He spotted Ashton near the net and made a pass, praying that Ashton would be able to get the ball before someone else could. Ashton was ready, meeting the ball and using the side of his foot to send it straight into the net, dodging the hands of the goalie. Michael and Luke shot up off the bench, screaming for their friends as the buzzer signaled the end of the game. Luke was smiling wide, vibrating with excitement. Michael turned to his friend and caught his eye, just as Luke decided to pull Michael into a hug. He wrapped his arms tightly around Michael and rocked them back and forth. Michael returned the hug, laughing into the side of Luke’s head.

“We won!” Luke exclaimed. They pulled apart to look at each other.

“ _They_ won,” Michael corrected. “All we did was sit on our asses and watch.” Luke rolled his eyes and started to climb out of the bleachers, pulling Michael along behind him.

“It’s our school,” Luke argued, “which means _we_ won too. And we didn’t even have to get sweaty.” They jumped off the bleachers and ran towards where the players were crowded around in a group hug. Michael and Luke waited for them to break apart before pushing their way in to find their friends. Soon enough Calum and Ashton were pulling away from their team and heading over to meet them.

“You won!” Luke shouted, running up to hug each of them. Michael smiled fondly and followed suit.

“You guys were amazing,” he said, pulling away from Calum. “That last goal was incredible.”

“Thanks,” Calum and Ashton said together, throwing an arm around each other. They excused themselves, heading towards the locker room so they could rinse off and change. Michael and Luke hung around, sitting down on the bench closest to the field to wait for their friends. They sat arm to arm, watching the people slowly make their way off the field. When Ashton and Calum returned, Michael asked if they wanted to go back to his place to order a pizza and have a celebratory sleepover. They agreed, the footie players saying they would meet them there after they went home and had a proper shower.

Two hours later the boys found themselves sitting around Michael’s room hunched over two boxes of pizza and watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Michael and Luke had blown up the air mattress for Calum and Ashton to share while they occupied the bed. They spent the night laughing at the movie and then at Luke when he dribbled pizza sauce down the front of his shirt. Michael let him borrow one of his own and teased him about needing to wear a bib. It was all in good fun, and soon they were all tuckered out and turning out the lights to go to sleep. Luke curled up beside Michael as usual, sneaking an arm around his torso and situating himself against Michael’s chest. The older boy hummed and got comfortable beside Luke while their friends settled down on the mattress below them. They said goodnight and drifted off to sleep not long after.

 

***

 

When Michael woke up Luke was facing away from him, but his body was still tightly pressed against his own. Michael’s arm was slung around Luke’s waist and their legs were slotted together perfectly. Michael smiled, ignoring how guilty he felt for enjoying the way their bodies were bound together. He heard movement below him and sat up, careful not to disturb the blond boy next to him.

Calum and Ashton were already awake, sitting up against the side of the Michael’s bed and talking in hushed voices. They were leaning in close, giggling softly about something.

“Hey,” Michael said quietly, letting them know he was awake. The boys turned around and smiled at him.

“Morning,” Ashton said brightly. Luke stirred beside him, blinking softly and then stretching his limbs out.

“Mmm,” Luke hummed, tucking himself back into the small ball he’d been curled up in. Michael scratched Luke’s head softly and the blond boy smiled into the pillow.

“Wake up,” Michael said, leaning down to whisper in Luke’s ear.  Luke giggled, feeling Michael’s breath tickle his skin.

“I am awake,” he said, burrowing deeper underneath the sheets. Michael rolled his eyes and pulled the covers off, leaving Luke’s body out in the open. He groaned, opening his eyes to glare at Michael before slowly sitting up.

“I’m hungry,” Calum said, standing up and looking around for his shirt. He never kept it on when he slept. He found it over in the corner next to the rest of his things and tugged it on.

“Let’s make pancakes,” Michael said, crawling over top of Luke and jumping off the bed. The boys followed him out, heading towards the kitchen. They dug out the ingredients and a few mixing bowls and plates and got started mixing the batter. It had been a while since Michael had made a proper breakfast with anyone. They made a mess, getting flour and egg yolk everywhere. Michael told them they were helping him clean up the mess before they left, and they all agreed without a fuss. Once the pancakes were nearly done, Michael fried them up some bacon and eggs to go with them. They sat down to eat, Calum slapping a slice of bacon against Ashton’s cheek when he plopped down next to him. Michael kept tossing pieces of egg at Luke, laughing every time the younger boy’s nose scrunched up in disgust.

After they ate, they got to work cleaning up the kitchen so Michael’s mom wouldn’t get mad. It didn’t take them long; the four of them wiping down the counters and washing dishes in record time. Once they were finished they went back to Michael’s room to play video games for a while before they had to go. Pretty soon Calum and Ashton were gathering their things and saying goodbye. Luke hung back, asking Michael if he could hang out for a while. Michael of course agreed, and they lounged around on his bed talking about nothing and everything at the same time. They talked about old stories from their childhood, and funny videos they’d seen online. They talked about movies and video games and music. They discussed what song they wanted to do for their next cover, and if they should get Calum and Ashton to join them.

Michael enjoyed this. He loved sitting around and talking to Luke, not doing anything else but learning everything there was to know about the younger boy. Listening to Luke talk was one of Michael’s favourite pastimes, and he couldn’t think of anything he’d rather do than lie next to Luke and getting to know him more and more each day.

“Do you wanna do something?” Luke asked after a while. “Like, go somewhere?” Michael sat up and leaned against the wall.

“Like what?” he asked. Luke sat up beside him and mimicked Michael’s position.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, “but I feel like going out.” Michael hummed, trying to think of something they could do.

“We could go to the museum,” Michael said. “You wanted to go for our project anyways, and that way we could finish our activities _and_ have something to do.” Luke slumped his shoulders and frowned.

“I don’t have any money with me,” he said sadly. Michael rolled his eyes and pushed off the bed.

“I do,” he told Luke. “I can pay for both of us.”

“You paid for the beach trip,” Luke pointed out, scooting to the edge of the bed and hanging his feet over the side.

“So?” Michael asked. “We’re ‘dating’, remember?” he said, throwing up air quotations around the word ‘dating’. Luke rolled his eyes and stood up.

“We’re not _actually_ dating though,” Luke said. “You can’t play the boyfriend card.” Michael went to his closet and pulled on a clean shirt.

“Well I am, and we’re going,” Michael insisted. “Do you wanna change or are you good in that?” he asked, looking down at his shirt that Luke was still wearing.

“This is fine,” Luke said, “thanks though.” Michael nodded and went over to his bag to find his wallet, his phone, and his iPod. He opened his wallet to check and see if he had enough change for the bus. “Are you sure about paying?” Luke asked, looking up at Michael from underneath his eyelashes.

“Positive,” Michael said. “It’ll be fun.”

Michael told his mom that they were going to the museum and that they would be back later. They went down the street to the bus stop and made it just in time to catch the next bus. They found a pair of seats near the middle and sat down. Michael pulled out his headphones and offered one to Luke. It was a half hour ride to the museum, but it went by quickly thanks to Michael’s iPod.

When they arrived at the museum, Michael led Luke inside and guided him over to the admissions table. He bought them each a pass to the exhibits and a ticket for the planetarium since there was a deal if you got both. The museum was fairly large and contained a mixture of history and art. There were statues and scenes displayed to represent different aspects of history, and Michael was enthralled by their captivating appearance. Luke was quiet, examining each exhibit at a relaxed pace. He spent time reading the golden plagues beside each display, looking up to pick out each thing he’d read in the description.

Michael watched as Luke took his time. It seemed as though Luke slowed down completely. Luke got excitedly easily, and he was always vibrating with the amount of energy his tiny body contained. This was different. He was calm and serene, giving each piece of art and history his full attention. It was different than how Michael usually behaved at a museum. He never had the patience to read every card, always wanting to look at something and then rush on to the next exhibit. This time he didn’t feel the need to rush. He was content with standing beside Luke, watching as the boy gave every detail the attention it deserved. Every once in a while Luke would look up at Michael and catch him staring. He would always blush and apologize for taking so long, but Michael would assure him that it was fine and that he shouldn’t be worried about taking his time.

After enjoying a few of the exhibits, they entered a room that was full of paintings and marble busts. There was a small seating area in the centre of the room; brown suede benches in the shape of a circle. Michael told Luke he was going to sit down for a moment and see if his mom had texted him. He went over to the benches and sat down, pulling out his phone. He had no missed texts, so he put his phone back in his pocket and looked around for Luke. He found the boy standing in front of a large landscape painting. His head was titled as he looked up and admired the brushwork and shading of the piece. Luke looked as though he belonged there; as if someone should put a frame around him and hang his picture on the wall so that for the next hundred years people could come and gather around to examine his beauty. Michael bit down on his lip and smiled as he watched Luke move on to the next painting.

Luke was art, Michael thought. But he wasn’t the kind of art that you could just look at. As beautiful as Michael thought the blue eyed boy was, he knew that Luke’s real potential was deep inside of him. He was the kind of art that could only be experienced and understood through talking to him and spending time with him. Luke was quickly becoming Michael’s favourite masterpiece.

He stood up and walked over to the boy, falling into place beside him. They looked at each other and smiled before turning back to the painting in front of them.

“It’s beautiful,” Luke said softly. Michael glanced at the boy next to him, watching Luke’s eyes admire the artwork.

“Yeah,” he replied, “it is.”


	11. i never know what's coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Call me or I’ll call you, but one of us will call, yes? What I mean is it’s not a competition. You don’t lose if you phone first” - David Nicholls

Once they’d gone through all of the exhibits, the two of them made their way downstairs to the planetarium. Their tickets were for a light show about constellations, and Luke began to bounce around beside Michael.

“I’ve never seen a light show before,” Luke said, excitement evident in his voice. Michael smiled, heading over to the ticket booth and watching as the lady working there scanned them in.

“Me either,” he said, thanking the girl and gesturing for Luke to go ahead of him. The planetarium was in the shape of a circle with red plush seats going around the edges of the room. In the middle was a large telescope looking thing and booth for someone to sit at. The room wasn’t very full, so the two of them found a pair of seats quickly and sat down. The show was scheduled to run once every hour with a fifteen minute break in between. Michael checked his phone to see that there was only two minutes left until the show was due to start.

“I wonder what it will be like,” Luke said, just as the lights began to dim. They leaned back in their seats and looked up at the ceiling where tiny star-like lights were beginning to pop up. The room was pitch black except for the show going on above them. It looked as though they were staring up at the night sky, watching as the little lights began to pulse and grow bigger. It was an incredible thing to see. The show was lifelike and Michael felt overwhelmed by the fact that he wasn’t actually watching the sky, but a replica of it. A voice boomed over the sound system and started telling stories of the birth of different constellations and the Greek mythology behind each one. Michael felt Luke’s hand bump against his on the arm rest, but neither of them moved away. He found himself distracted by the contact, and a part of him wished they really _were_ dating so that he could reach over take Luke’s hand in his.

When the show was over, Michael rubbed the soreness out of his neck. The chairs were angled back so they didn’t have to crane their necks, but it still left a dull ache in his muscles. Luke stretched beside him and rubbed at his eyes.

“I feel sleepy now,” Luke chuckled, letting out a yawn. Michael laughed and slowly stood up, stretching out his own limbs. Luke got up too, and the two of them shuffled out of the planetarium, back up the stairs to the main hallway.

“It was really cool,” Luke said, going on to talk about his favourite constellations and myths. Michael listened attentively, soaking up Luke’s enthusiasm and admiring how much he’d remembered. They walked down the steps leading up the museum and headed over to where the bus was scheduled to pick them up. They talked the entire ride back home, Luke asking about Michael’s favourite exhibits and paintings. Michael came up with believable answers, resisting the urge to say ‘ _You. You were my favourite part.’_

They got off the bus at the stop near Michael’s house so they could go and get Luke’s things.  Michael offered to walk him home since Luke’s house wasn’t far from his own. The sun was beginning to set in the sky, and Michael was reminded of the day they’d run down this same street to go watch it disappear beneath the horizon. The walk was quiet, neither of them feeling the need to fill the silence. It was nice to feel comfortable with each other while saying nothing at all. When they got to Luke’s house they stopped at the end of the walkway leading up to his front door.

“I had fun today,” Luke said, turning to stand in front of Michael.

“Me too,” Michael replied. They smiled at each other, neither quite ready to say goodbye.

“I’m still wearing your shirt,” Luke noticed, looking down at his chest and pulling the fabric between two of his fingers.

“It looks good on you,” Michael said mindlessly, not noticing the way Luke’s eyebrows dipped slightly.

“I can give it back to you next time,” Luke told him, “or I can go change quickly now.” Michael shook his head.

“Next time is fine.”

It was quiet again. Luke bit down on his lower lip, and Michael watched as Luke pulled on the supple flesh. Michael wanted to kiss him; end the day the way you would a real date. Luke was right in front of him. It would be so easy to just lean down and press their lips together. For a split second Michael thought about doing it, not caring about what the consequences might be. He stopped, looking back up to Luke to see the blue eyes he’d fallen for staring at his own lips. Michael swallowed, wondering if maybe Luke wanted to kiss him too; if he was waiting for Michael to make a move. Luke looked back up, face blushing a deep rose. He let his lip fall back from between his teeth, and Michael fought to remain eye contact with him. He wanted to kiss Luke so badly, but he knew it wasn’t a good idea.

“I should go,” Michael said, snapping them both out of the trance. Luke blinked a few times and then nodded.

“Yeah, me too,” Luke agreed. “Text me when you get home?”

“Sure,” Michael nodded. They said goodbye and Michael watched Luke go into his house and shut the door. _What the fuck was that,_ he thought. He’d almost kissed Luke, and after the day they’d had it felt like he _should’ve._

He turned around and headed back the way he came, pausing at the park to look at the hill that he’d sat on with Luke, watching the stars. If only he’d known then what he knew now. If only he could go back in time and warn himself that everything was about to change; that Luke would become everything to him. He stuck his hands in his pockets and carried on, ignoring the way his heart was beating wildly in his chest. It wasn’t until he’d gotten home and flopped down on his bed that he realized he didn’t just _like_ Luke.

He was falling in _love_.

 

***

 

The next few days went by quickly, and Michael hardly had the time to be concerned over his deepening feelings for Luke. He found himself occupied with video games and friends; the four of them hanging out more and more. On Tuesday after school they’d all went back to Ashton’s to film a cover together. Michael brought his guitar along so he could play the melody to _Teenage Dirtbag_ while Ashton tapped a rhythm out on his drum kit. Luke and Calum sang the words, harmonizing with each other on the chorus. They sounded good, so they uploaded the cover and shared the link over Facebook. The reactions were exclusively positive, and their video doubled in views compared to Michael and Luke’s solo cover.

As much as Michael was enjoying spending time as a group, he knew was in need of some one on one time with Calum. He still hadn’t asked how Calum’s English project was going, and he was curious to learn about his friendship with Ashton. Michael also wanted to tell Calum about his and Luke’s trip to the museum, and how he was pretty sure he was falling in love with the blue eyed boy.

When the boys left Ashton’s house that night it was already getting dark. Michael asked Calum if he wanted to go for a walk to the park, and Calum agreed. They said goodbye to Luke before heading over to the park, racing each other to the swings. When they got there, they sat down and immediately began pumping their legs to push themselves off the ground.

“So what’s going on?” Calum asked him, kicking out his legs.

“Can’t we hangout without something going on?” Michael retorted. He didn’t need to see Calum’s eye roll to know it was there.

“Of course we can,” Calum said, “but I know you, and I know when something’s bothering you. Is it Luke?” Michael slowed the movements of his legs and let the swing rock back and forth on its own.

“Yeah,” Michael sighed. “We went to the museum on Saturday after you guys left.” Calum turned to look at him, slowing down his pace to keep in time with Michael’s swing.

“And?” he asked.

“And I think I’m falling in love with him,” Michael said. He looked down at his shoes and watched as the ground moved beneath him. “He was talking about art and constellations and I walked him home and I wanted to kiss him and I think he wanted to kiss me but I don’t know and I think I’m falling in love with him,” he let out, pausing to catch his breath. Calum stared at him, eyebrows raised impressively high on his forehead.

“Is that all?” Calum asked. Michael nodded, turning to look at his friend.

“Some English project, huh,” Calum muttered, shaking his head.

“What do you mean?” Michael asked with a frown.

“Nothing, never mind,” Calum said. Michael knew it was something, but he wasn’t going to press just yet. Calum would tell him when he was ready. He wasn’t like Michael where you had to force the truth out of him. Calum was good about talking things out once he was ready. “So what are you gonna do about Luke?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Michael admitted. “I feel guilty that I haven’t told him when we’re always cuddling and stuff. I feel like I’m lying to him, and I hate it. But I don’t know if I’m ready to tell him either.”

“I think you should,” Calum told him. “You’ll feel better, even if it’s just a little bit. Plus, I think there’s a good chance Luke likes you back. Everyone at school already thinks you’re dating, and it seems like the only thing you guys don’t do is kiss.”

It was true. Michael and Luke hung out all the time and cuddled and went on outings that would definitely be considered dates if they were in a relationship. They cared about each other and confided in one another. The only thing that was different about their friendship and a relationship was the label.

“I don’t know if I want to risk our friendship,” Michael said. “It’s not that I think he’d hate me if I told him, cause I doubt that he would. I just think it might change things if he doesn’t feel the same way, and I don’t want to lose what we already have.” Calum pondered what Michael said as he began to pump his legs again.

“Well, why don’t you think about it for a while?” Calum offered. “Maybe in a few days you’ll feel differently.” Michael nodded and began working his body to get the swing moving again.

“Yeah, maybe,” he agreed.

“Is it weird?” Calum asked suddenly. “Like, having everyone think you guys are together?”

“Sort of,” Michael confessed. “I mean, it’s not bad. It’s just sometimes I forget that we aren’t really together.” Calum nodded in understanding.

“Has it been hard? Having everyone think they know who you are; saying things about you?” Calum asked. “I feel like it would get annoying. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

“It was kind of hard at first,” Michael said. “People are dicks, but I was more concerned about Luke. If I could do it all over again I’d make the same decision. I wouldn’t want him to ever have to go through it alone again.”

“You’re really good to him,” Calum said softly. “I’ve never seen you care about someone like this before.” Michael laughed.

“That’s because I haven’t,” he said. They kept swinging, trying to get their swings to line up and move in time with each other. “So how’s your project going?” Michael asked, changing the subject. Calum smiled, his entire body appearing to react to the question as he began to move his swing faster.

“It’s great,” Calum said. “I thought having community as a topic would suck, but it’s actually been a lot of fun. We went to this fair just out of town and then to a community picnic with his family’s church. I know that sounds lame but it really wasn’t. I don’t know, the topic is just so _Ashton_ ,” Calum explained. “It’s been really nice getting to know him better.”

“You guys seem really close,” Michael pointed out; smiling at the way Calum seemed to enjoy talking about Ashton.

“We are,” Calum admitted. “He’s one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met. He’s been through so much, but he’s still so _happy_. Like, he overcame everything to help his family when his dad left even though it was really hard on him. I don’t know how he did it. Being around him makes me feel like anything is possible. I know that sounds kinda lame,” he said, hanging his head bashfully, “but I don’t know. He like, radiates positivity and it’s so fucking _infectious_. Plus we have a lot in common so there’s always something to talk about. Even when there isn’t it’s never awkward to just sit and say nothing.” Calum looked up at the moon that was now sitting high in the sky.

“You know,” Michael said, “it kinda sounds like me and Luke.”

“Is that bad?” Calum asked, peeking up to look at Michael. The older boy smiled and shook his head.

“No,” he told him, “not at all.”

They didn’t say anymore on the topic, choosing instead to continue pumping their legs and swinging as high as they could. Michael thought back to when he’d first met Calum. He remembered how they used to hang out together during recess, swinging side by side and getting to know each other. So much had changed since then. They were growing and learning new things about themselves every day. Both of them seemed like entirely new people, but they could still see glimmers of who they once were lurking beneath the surface. Through all of the years they’d never left each other’s sides. They’d learned things from each other that they couldn’t learn from anyone else; like how to accept the things you couldn’t change and how to face the ones you could. Michael was once again struck by how grateful he was to have met Calum.

When it started getting late, the two of them jumped off the swings at the same time. Calum had taught Michael that, too. They walked home together, singing pop songs they’d heard on the radio at the top of their lungs and dancing stupidly through the streets. By the time Michael got home he was breathless and giddy; feeling light from his time with Calum and the knowledge that he would always be by Michael’s side.

 

***

 

During English class the next day Michael found himself thinking a lot about Luke. He thought about the entirety of their friendship, starting from the day Luke followed him home and ending at their almost kiss after the museum. It was funny to think that there was ever a time when Michael hadn’t been completely infatuated with the blue eyed boy. Luke was one of the biggest parts of Michael’s life, and he wondered if they would be as close as they were now if it hadn’t been for the journal assignment bringing them together. Would they know as much about each other? Would Michael be falling for the younger boy like he was falling now?

He pulled out his notebook and flipped to a blank page. He wasn’t going to hold back this time. After his talk with Mr. Tharson he no longer worried about writing the wrong words. Instead, he was going to unashamedly write about the day at the museum and how beautiful it had turned out to be.

_Over the weekend, Luke and I went to the museum. It was a spur of the moment trip, but I’m so glad we went. Luke was different in the museum than he had been at the beach or the arcade. I think he has a strong appreciation for art. Usually Luke is buzzing with excitement whenever we go somewhere or do something, but this time he wasn’t. It was beautiful watching the way he looked at the exhibits. Usually I rush right through museums because I never have the patience. This time I didn’t, because Luke wanted to read every description and pay each exhibit the attention it deserved. I didn’t mind waiting for him. I didn’t even feel like I was waiting. I liked the way he seemed to be so captivated by it all, and I probably could’ve watched him looking at the exhibits for longer than he needed._

_We went into this room that was wall to wall paintings, all hung up in thick, gold frames. I sat on one of the benches in the middle of the room and looked at Luke. It’s probably sounds really creepy, but I don’t mean for it to be. It was just, he looked like he belonged there, you know? I couldn’t help but watch as he took everything in. I don’t remember a single painting from that room. Maybe it’s because none stood out quite like Luke did._

_After the museum we went down to watch a light show in the planetarium. The room was dark and the ceiling looked exactly like the night sky. The show was all about constellations, and it reminded me of when Luke and I looked at the stars together on the night we watched the sunset. It kinda seemed as though things had come full circle for us._

_Everything about the museum had been beautiful. The exhibits were elaborate and put together perfectly. It’s one of those places where every room feels more beautiful than the last; like being in a palace or something. However, as beautiful as I thought the exhibits and paintings were, I don’t think it compared to the way Luke saw them. I’m sure his journal entry is much longer than 500 words, and it’s probably full of all of the details of every exhibit and painting we saw._

_But I don’t think any of the things he saw that day were as beautiful as what I got to see. Luke didn’t get to see himself. He didn’t get to watch his eyes soften or light up with each piece of art. He didn’t get to watch himself smile when he saw something he liked. Luke is completely unaware that he was the most beautiful thing in the whole damn building. I have no doubt in my mind that the museum is exceptionally less beautiful today than it had been the day Luke and I were there._

_I think this was one of my favourite activities. It was nice seeing another side of Luke, and I’m glad he chose to share it with me. I hope one day we can go back there, just so I can watch him take his place in the centre of that room full of paintings. He’s the only thing worth seeing there anyways._


	12. forget who we are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.” - Dinah Maria
> 
> AN: Mentions of depression, suicide, and abandonment. Please be careful if you're easily triggered. If you don't feel safe reading this, please send me a message on [tumblr](http://pilotmikey.tumblr.com) and I can tell you where a good place for you to start/stop reading is, or just give you an overview of the chapter. The suicide mention isn't detailed or explicit, it's mostly just implied. No actual death or suicide attempts occur. Please be safe, and if you ever need to talk you can shoot me a message on tumblr.

Michael couldn’t stop thinking about Luke. It seemed as though the younger boy was always on his mind, and Michael was torturing himself over whether or not to tell Luke how he really felt. His head was a whirlwind of pros and cons, non-existent lists cluttering up his brain. It could go either way, Michael thought. There was the chance that Luke didn’t feel the same, and their friendship would slowly become awkward and strained. This train of thought always ended with Luke telling him that it was too much to deal with, walking away from Michael and leaving his life for good. On the other hand, there was the possibility that Luke liked him back, and they could kiss and hold hands and grow even closer than they already were. Michael preferred to daydream about the latter - despite how unhealthy it was for him to get his hopes up. 

When Friday finally came, Mr. Tharson was reminding them yet again that on Monday their journal entries would be due. It was time to wrap up the assignment and move on to another topic, and they all had to make sure their journal entries were complete.

“I’m glad we’re done,” Luke whispered, leaning over so Michael could hear him. “But I think I’ll miss having an excuse for us to hangout.”

“We’re still gonna hang out,” Michael assured him. “Unless you wanna ditch me now that you’ve got your A+.” Luke stifled a laugh, covering his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt so he didn’t disturb the class.

“I haven’t gotten it yet,” Luke said. “I doubt I’ll get an A+ anyways.” Michael rolled his eyes and threw his pencil at Luke.

“Yeah right,” Michael teased. “I bet you wrote a thousand words instead of the minimum five hundred.” Luke’s blush gave him away and he tossed the pencil back at Michael.

“Not a thousand,” he said, hiding his face. Michael laughed as he caught the pencil and sat it down.

“That’s right, nine hundred and ninety-nine. My bad,” Michael said playfully. Luke just sighed as he grinned back at Michael.

“Maybe I had a lot to say,” he argued. Michael nodded and smirked.

“I’m sure you did,” he laughed. Luke opened up his notebook to a blank page and started to doodle idly.

“What about you?” he asked Michael. “Are you finished all of your entries?” Michael sat back in his chair and counted them off in his head. The sunset, the beach, the arcade, and the museum. That was only four. He thought back to the first activity when he and Luke had planned to watch the sunrise. Luke had written about the stars, but Michael had combined that part with his sunset entry. That meant he still had one more to do.

“I need to finish up one of my entries,” Michael replied, flipping open his own notebook, “since we missed the sunrise.”

“What are you going to write about?” Luke asked.

“Dunno yet,” Michael answered. “Nothing if you keep distracting me.” Luke rolled his eyes and put his headphones in, sending a pointed look to Michael to show him that he wouldn’t be bothering him anymore. Michael giggled and blew a kiss at Luke teasingly. He looked down at the piece of paper in front of him. What was something that he’d done with Luke that would make a good journal entry? Michael thought back to the different times he’d hung out with Luke. He could write about their sleepovers, or the first time they filmed a cover. Neither of those activities seemed to feel right though. This would be his last entry, and he wanted it to be good.

Michael turned his head to look over at Luke. He was sitting with his head resting on one of his arms that was sprawled across the desk. His hair was falling around his face, framing the pale skin like the golden frames they’d seen at the museum. Luke’s eyes were concentrated on the drawing in front of him, watching as his pen moved smoothly around the page. Every now and then he would pull his lower lip in between his teeth and bite down softly. Michael watched as the pink flesh turned white, and then pink again when Luke released it.

Suddenly Michael was reminded of when they were standing outside of Luke’s house. When Luke had bitten his lip and looked up at Michael from beneath his fringe. Michael remembered how badly he’d wanted to kiss the blue eyed boy, and how he still kind of wished that he had. Luke just always looked so beautiful, and Michael was no longer surprised that the younger boy had captured his heart.

The blank page stared up at him, an idea beginning to form in Michael’s head. After another minute of mulling it over, he knew exactly what he was going to write about.

 

***

 

Michael had spent the entire hour writing his final journal entry, so when the bell for lunch finally rang he was eager to get up out of his seat and stretch his limbs. Together, Michael and Luke headed down to the cafeteria to meet up with Calum and Ashton. The hazel eyed boy sat with them every day now, and Michael was glad Calum had chosen such a wonderful English partner. They all got along extremely well, and Michael wondered why Calum and Ashton hadn’t become friends sooner through football. Nevertheless, he was glad they were getting so close, and Calum seemed happier than ever.

They were all enjoying their lunches and laughing at a joke Ashton had told them when Michael felt someone kick against the leg of his chair. He turned with a frown to see who had bumped into him. His eyes landed on dark brown hair and hazel eyes that weren’t nearly as kind as Ashton’s.

James was standing behind Michael, a grimace on his face and quite a bit of bruising still around his nose from where Michael had hit him. It looked painful, but Michael didn’t feel any remorse for his actions. He knew that if he were to do it all over again, James would still end up with a broken nose and Michael would have bruises on his fist.

“What do you want?” Ashton asked James, speaking before anyone else had the chance.

“I want an apology from this bitch,” James said, kicking Michael’s chair in again.

“Not gonna happen,” Michael told him, turning to face the table and pushing his chair back so that it bumped into James’ hips.

“When’s that supposed to heal?” Calum asked, pointing to James’ nose.

“Why the fuck do you care?” James spit, glaring at Calum.

“Because when it does I’m gonna break it again,” Calum said, standing up and getting in James’ face. He pushed his chest out and held his chin high. “I suggest you get the fuck out of here in case I decide not to wait.” James shot daggers at Calum, but after a few seconds he was slinking back to wherever he’d come from. Calum sat back down and put his hand on Michael’s back. “You good?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Michael said nodding, “thanks.”

“The dude is scum,” Ashton pointed out, all of them nodding in agreement and turning their attention back to their lunches.

“So I was thinking we could all sleep over somewhere this weekend,” Luke said, taking a bite of his sandwich. He looked up at Michael, knowing the older boy was most likely the only one of them allowed to host three other people.

“So, my house?” Michael asked. Luke blushed but nodded. “I’m up for it if you guys are,” Michael said. Calum and Ashton hummed in agreement. “I’ll just double check with my mom but it should be fine.”

“Cool,” Luke said, “cause I have a surprise for you guys.” The other three looked up at Luke, eyebrows raised.

“What is it?” Calum asked. Luke tilted his head in an antagonizing manner.

“I can’t tell you or it wouldn’t be a surprise, idiot,” Luke huffed. Michael laughed as Calum slumped his shoulders and angrily chewed on his mouthful of food.

“Why don’t you guys come over on Saturday?” Michael questioned. They all agreed and finished eating their lunches before saying goodbye and heading off to their afternoon classes. Michael wondered what Luke’s surprise would be the entire afternoon. He wasn’t sure what it could be, but he knew that regardless of what it was he was looking forward to finding out.

 

***

 

Beer. That was the surprise.

When the boys had gathered at Michael’s house on Saturday night, Luke had shown up carrying a large duffel bag as opposed to his usual small backpack. He quickly shooed them all into Michael’s room and unzipped the flap. Inside the bag was a 24 pack of beer along with everything Luke would usually bring to Michael’s house.

“How did you get that?” Michael asked, pulling the duffel bag closer so he could look at the box inside.

“I told my brother about James transferring and he took pity on me,” Luke said, grinning proudly at his accomplishment.

“Dude, James transferred like two weeks ago,” Calum pointed out, reaching into the bag and opening up the box.

“My brother doesn’t know that,” Luke giggled. “I figured we could celebrate becoming friends and finishing the English project that helped it happen.” He shrugged, pulling a bottle of beer out of the package. “Is that lame?”

“Do you think I’m gonna say yes when you have beer in front of me?” Michael asked, reaching into the box and pulling out a few bottles and passing them around. “This is amazing,” he said, grabbing the bottle opener Luke had remembered to bring and popping the cap off. “No leaving this room though, and remember to hide the fucking bottles. If my mom catches us she’ll kill us all.”

“Got it,” Calum said, taking the bottle opener from Michael and flicking the caps off of his and Ashton’s bottles.

“Thanks Luke, this is really cool,” Ashton said, holding his bottle out in front of him. “I propose a toast,” he said, “to good friends and projects I don’t actually hate.” They all laughed and clinked their bottles together, downing their first sips at the same time.

“This is disgusting,” Luke said with a grimace. He tipped his head back and took another gulp anyways, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Who cares?” Michael said, scooting closer to Luke so their shoulders were touching. “You brought enough that we might actually get drunk off this.” Luke looked up at him and smiled, holding Michael’s gaze for longer than one might find typical. Calum coughed and Michael tore his eyes away from Luke’s shimmering blue ones in favour of glaring at his other friend.

They decided to put on a movie, curling up around Michael’s room so that they could all reach the duffel bag of beer bottles and still see each other and the TV. The movie was only background noise as the four of them chatted about their weeks and told stories from before they were all friends. It was a nice way to get to know each other, and Michael was enjoying the heat radiating from Luke’s body from how they were pressed together. Everything felt perfect. His stomach was feeling slightly heavy from the alcohol, but his mind was relaxed. He felt light and cheerful, and after a few more drinks a pleasant buzz was flowing through his body. 

He wasn’t alone. All of them were feeling a little tipsy, and they had to keep shushing each other to keep their giggles at a reasonable volume. This only made them laugh more, clutching their stomachs and rolling around on the floor.  

It wasn’t until one in the morning when things took a less humorous turn. The thing about alcohol is that it always has a way of bringing out the thoughts you don’t always want to think about. It happened to Calum first. They were talking about the football game from the week before, and Calum brought up the boy Cole that had gotten injured a few days before the game.

“It’s so fuckin’ scary, man,” he slurred. “You could just fuckin’ trip at any moment and break your leg or crack your skull open. That would be it. Your career would be over, man. Just like that.” He turned to look over at Ashton, tipping the neck of his beer bottle in the boy’s direction. “Doesn’t that fuckin’ scare you?” Ashton nodded and took another sip.

“I guess, yeah. But like, I don’t really think about it,” he said. “I just play the game so it’ll help get me into university.” Calum shook his head in disbelief.

“I think about that shit all the time,” he confessed. “I fuckin’ love footie. I don’t know what I’d do if I got hurt. I wanna go pro. Do you know how many players get injuries that ruin their careers? A lot of fuckin’ players. I’m so fuckin’ scared that’s gonna happen to me, and I’ll never get to play on a major team.”

“You shouldn’t think like that,” Michael said. “You should just enjoy the game.” Calum turned to look at him.

“But I do,” he protested. “That’s the problem. I enjoy it too much. Like, getting a scholarship is just a bonus. I love playing. It’s my fuckin’ life. What if one day I get hurt and I can’t do it anymore? Then what? ‘m not good at anything else.” Ashton crawled over to sit closer to Calum.

“That’s not true,” Ashton told him, “you’re good at lots of things. Like English, and singing. I know that’s like, totally different. But there’s more to you than just football. I promise.” Calum looked up at Ashton, eyes wide and laced with sadness. He laid his head on Ashton’s shoulder and sighed.

“I’m scared I won’t get into uni,” Luke whispered. They all turned to look at Luke, who was pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his long arms around them. “My brothers are so fucking smart. Ben’s majoring in psychology and Jack is studying marine biology. My parents are always talking about how proud they are of them, and then there’s just me. Yeah, I get good grades, but I don’t think I’ll ever be as good as them. I don’t even know what I wanna do with my life. I just wanna play music,” he said. He took another swig of his beer and rested his head on his knees. “I don’t wanna disappoint them, but I don’t know how to make them proud of me. Sometimes I feel like I’m just a burden on them. Fuck, I made us move just because I couldn’t handle a little teasing.”

“It wasn’t teasing,” Michael interrupted. “They were bullying you. Your parents don’t blame you for that. They just want you to be safe.” Luke didn’t look up, eyes staying trained on the bottle in his hands.

“I know,” he said softly, “but I still feel bad. I wanna become something, you know? I wanna make them proud.”

“I’m sure they are,” Ashton said, trying to get Luke to look up. “They’d love you no matter what.” Luke managed a half smile and shook his head, as though doing so would shake out all of his negative thoughts.

“Tell you what,” Michael started, “if neither of us figure out what we wanna do with our lives, you and I will start a band and just become really rich and famous.” Luke giggled and looked up at Michael.

“Yeah?” he asked. Michael nodded.

“I’ll join too if I break my neck or something playing football,” Calum chimed in. Ashton shook his head and wrapped an arm around Calum.

“I’m in too,” he said. “It’d be nice to be able to support my family. I wanna be able to take care of them no matter what. Sometimes I’m scared I won’t be able to, and that things will get too hard.”

“What do you mean?” Luke asked. Ashton bit his lip and then sighed.

“When my dad left it was really hard on me. I had to step up and help my mom take care of my little brother and sister. But like, it got to me, you know? The fact that he was able to just leave. I hated him for leaving us, and I hated that I had to become the ‘man of the house’,” Ashton explained. “I know my mom was doing her best, but it was hard. I got like, really depressed, and she was too busy to even notice. Sometimes I felt like just…” he trailed off.

Calum could feel Ashton’s anxiety, so he cuddled in closer and put his hand on the older boy’s knee. They all knew what Ashton was saying. Michael was shocked, having never expected _Ashton_ of all people to ever want to kill themselves. The boy was so _happy_ , and Michael suddenly realized just how strong Ashton really was. He knew what it was like to have father walk out. He also knew what it was like to be depressed, and it wasn’t an easy thing to escape from. That darkness never really left, but sometimes you could keep it at bay. Ashton had fought a hurricane all on his own, and still managed to come out stronger on the other side.

“But I couldn’t, you know?” Ashton continued. His hands shook slightly and he hugged Calum tighter to steady himself. “I had to take care of them. I couldn’t just leave. I’m so much better now, and things aren’t as hard. But I’m always scared that one day it’ll come back, and I won’t be able to handle it. I want to be able to be there for my family, but what if I can’t be? What if the next time I can’t survive it?”

“You’ll have us next time,” Michael said. “I know we can’t make it go away, but maybe having people around to help you will make it easier.” Ashton looked at him and smiled. His eyes were soft, despite the sadness that was threatening to overtake him.

“Yeah,” Ashton agreed, “I think it would.” He looked down at the boy curled up beside him and Calum smiled up at him.

“’m glad you’re here,” Calum told him. His voice was soft, Michael and Luke nearly missing it completely. It didn’t matter. The words were meant for Ashton.

“Me too,” Ashton said. The room went quiet, and Michael realized he was the only one of them that hadn’t shared his fears.

“I don’t really feel like anything,” he said. “Like, I don’t feel like I’m good at anything. I’m sad when I have nothing to be sad about. I jump into everything way too quickly and then freak out when I get overwhelmed. I don’t know how to slow down or when to speed up. I don’t feel like I’m going anywhere but everything is changing. Most of the time I don’t even realize what I’m feeling until it’s too late. I can go from not caring about anything to caring way too much in a matter of minutes. I wish I wasn’t such a fucking contradiction.” He looked over at Luke. “I wish I had something to ground me.”

“You sound like you’re confused,” Ashton commented. Michael laughed.

“I am,” he said. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing or where my life is going, and sometimes I feel like my body just _does_ stuff before my brain can react. I don’t feel like I have any control. I just… I just wanna be a good person. I wanna do something like you, Calum,” Michael said, looking over at his friend and then turning over to Ashton, "and I wanna help people like you.” Lastly, he looked at Luke. “I want to be somebody.”

“You are,” Luke said. He sat up and moved closer to Michael, wrapping his arms around the older boy’s torso. “You are. You’re all of it. You do things and you help people and you are someone. And you’re important, Mikey. You’re important to me.”

Calum and Ashton untangled from each other and crawled over to Michael and Luke. They piled together in a drunken group hug, squeezing each other tightly as if to say _‘it’s okay’_ and ‘ _I’m here for you’_.

“I really fuckin’ love you guys,” Calum mumbled, voice getting lost between the stack of bodies. They all heard him anyways; and even if they hadn’t, they didn’t need to. They didn’t need words to let them know that they weren’t alone and that they were loved. All of them could feel it.

 

***

 

The next morning all of them woke up with mild hangovers and sore muscles. After their heart to heart, they’d all fallen asleep together on Michael’s floor. It took more than a few tries to get them all up and moving, but by three in the afternoon Luke and Ashton had gone home; leaving Michael and Calum with their pounding heads to clean up the empty beer bottles. They put all of the bottles in a plastic bag and hid them in Michael’s closet. Michael made a mental note to dispose of them before his mom stumbled in and found them.

“Last night was something else,” Calum said, picking his phone up off the floor.

“No kidding,” Michael agreed. “But it was kinda nice, in a way. A sad way, but still a nice way.”

“I think I like him,” Calum said suddenly. “Ashton. I think I like him.” Michael quirked an eyebrow and sat down on his bed.

“Yeah?” he asked. Calum shrugged and sat down next to him.

“I don’t know. I think I could,” he said. “I don’t know if it’s just extreme friend love or something else, but I’m not opposed to it. Liking him, I mean.”

“Who knew we’d both end up gay as hell?” Michael asked with a chuckle, trying to keep the mood light.

“And not for each other,” Calum joined in. The two of them laughed, shaking their heads at the way things had turned out. “It isn’t bad right. If I do like him?” Calum asked, voice softer than before. Michael smiled fondly and shook his head.

“No,” he told Calum, matching his tone, “it isn’t.” Calum nodded and moved closer, pulling Michael into a hug. Michael hugged him back, and the two of them curled up to spend the afternoon watching movies and napping together; both of them grateful once again for the companionship they’d found with one another.

 

***

 

On Monday, Michael headed to English class with all of his journal entries bound together in a plastic folder. Mr. Tharson has asked them to put their entries in something that would hold all of them together so they wouldn’t get lost.

He wasn’t sure why, but he was feeling fresh and excited. Perhaps it had something to do with the finality of the project and the fact that he had two new friends because of it. Well, one. He’s sure Luke would still be his friend, but it felt as though he had the project to thank for bringing them so close together.

He walked into class and took a seat at his desk next to Luke. The boy had a folder that matched his own, only his was yellow and Michael’s was blue. They smiled at each other as the bell rang, and Mr. Tharson got up from his desk to stand at the front of the room. Once everyone took their seats, he began speaking.

“Okay guys, your journal assignments are due today. I hope you’re all finished and have them with you, otherwise this class will be a bit difficult for you,” Mr. Tharson said with a laugh. “Before you hand them in, I want you to do something first. The whole point of this assignment was to see how differently two people could experience the same events. So, with that being said, I want you to trade journals with your partner and spend the rest of the hour reading each other’s entries.”

The classroom started buzzing with chatter as people began swapping their journals. Michael felt his face go pale as he realized what was happening. Luke was about to read his journal.


	13. we weren't ready for this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Loving you has made me realize how beautiful life really is and how much I want to be a part of this world, the world in which you live." - Unknown

Michael had never run so fast in his life.

Luke had grabbed his journal before he even had the chance to protest and was flipping open the folder to the first page. Michael had tried to say something, to tell Luke to wait, but his voice got stuck in his throat. The only thing he knew how to do was run, so he did. He grabbed his things and left the classroom without looking back. His phone vibrated in his pocket, but he didn’t stop to check and see who was trying to reach him.

He found himself running until he came to a small pond a few minutes away from the school. There were a few trees shading the dewy grass, with small yellow and pink flowers sprouting up around the edge of the water. Michael sat down at the base of one of the trees, ignoring the way the damp grass soaked into his jeans. He put his head between his knees and focused on breathing in and out.

Luke was reading his journal entries. Right now, he was sitting in the back of the classroom reading every single word Michael had written about him. He felt like he was going to be sick. He put a hand on his stomach and pressed gently, willing his body to calm down so he could think.

Michael had been debating telling Luke how he felt for the past week, but he still hadn’t decided if he was ready for what might happen if the boy found out how he really felt. It seemed as though the universe had gotten sick of waiting, opting to let fate decide for him instead. There was no going back now. By the end of the hour Luke would know how Michael really felt, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He looked out over the water and watched as a pair of birds swooped down to peck at the ground. They hopped around and danced at the water’s edge, chirping to each other in high-pitched tones. The sun was beaming down, the water reflecting tiny specks of light as it moved gently with the wind. It didn’t look right. It looked too peaceful. Michael’s world was spinning, but everything outside of his own head was calm. The universe was teasing him; laughing at him for ever writing those journal entries in the first place. He hadn’t known Luke would read them. If he had, he’d have written some bullshit strictly about the setting of their activities. He wouldn’t have let himself get carried away by his feelings for Luke. He wouldn’t have exposed his emotions through pen and paper.

Michael supposed he only had himself to blame. He could have easily chosen to keep his feelings for Luke out of it, but instead he had to go and put it all out in the open. It’s his fault for ever letting himself fall for Luke in the first place. Now the younger boy would know everything. A twisted part of Michael felt relieved that he would no longer have to hide how he really felt, but mostly he just felt scared. What if Luke was mad at him for writing so much about him? What if he hated Michael for keeping it a secret?

He shook his head and tried to breathe. Luke wouldn’t hate him, but it was extremely possible that he would be upset. Michael wasn’t ready to face him. He couldn’t go back to class now, especially after running off. He decided to skip the rest of the day, heading home to crawl into bed and pretend as though everything was fine. Maybe when he woke up he would find that this was all just a bad dream, and Luke would still be completely unaware that Michael had fallen in love with him.

 

***

 

To say Luke was confused would be an understatement. As soon as he’d switched their journals, Michael was jumping out of his seat and running out of the room. He hadn’t even taken Luke’s journal with him. The yellow folder was sitting alone on Michael’s empty desk, no one there to pick it up and read it.

Luke texted Michael as soon as the older boy had left the room.

[10:39] _are u okay????? whats wrong?????_

Michael didn’t answer, and Luke was worried something had happened. He wasn’t sure what could be wrong, but he hoped that if Michael needed him, he would call. He decided to stop worrying. Michael could take care of himself, and Luke could always call him during lunch to see what was going on. He looked down at Michael’s blue folder in his hands. Everyone else was busy reading their partner’s journal, so Luke opened up the folder and began to join them.

Michael’s entries were about a page in length. Each entry was titled with the corresponding activity; ‘ _sunset’_ written along the top of the first page. It felt weird to be reading someone else’s thoughts, especially when Luke had been with Michael for all of these activities. He was excited to find out what Michael had written, eager to see if any of their entries were similar. Luke felt his heart pick up; looking forward to finding out how Michael had viewed the time they’d spent together.

He started reading the first entry, smiling as he remembered their night together on the hill. They’d just become friends, and Luke remembered how happy he’d been that Michael was warming up to him. Michael had written about how peaceful it had been, and how he hadn’t seen a sunset in a long time. He wrote about Luke, and how he wouldn’t mind if he joined him in watching another one. Luke felt happy knowing that even back then Michael had wanted to keep spending time with him. He’d been so nervous that the older boy might change his mind about being friends and tell Luke that he didn’t want him around anymore. It was comforting to know that even in the first stages of their friendship Michael had been looking forward to keeping Luke around.

He finished reading the sunset entry and flipped the page. The second entry was titled ‘ _beach,’_ and Luke grinned down at the page. Their day at the beach had been one of Luke’s favourite activities. It was the first time he’d felt like the older boy was willing to let him in, to let Luke protect him the same way Michael had wanted to protect Luke. He noticed that Michael was writing a lot about his feelings. It felt like this was a real journal, and a part of Luke felt like he was invading Michael’s privacy.

_”I think it’s because of Luke. I always seem to have fun with him. Hell, we could go to a garbage dump and I swear I’d be able to find the beauty in every single snotty tissue or empty yogurt container just because he was with me. He can make everything fun, and that’s… that’s a beautiful quality to have.”_

Luke’s heart fluttered in his chest as he read the last paragraph. Had Michael really meant that?

He flipped the page and kept reading. His chest constricted as he read the word ‘ _arcade_ ’ written haphazardly at the top of the page. This particular entry had troubled Luke. He’d kept getting distracted when he’d tried to write his own journal entry; the memories of James clouding up his mind. He’d ended up writing more about the aftermath, how Michael had protected him and let Luke sleep over that night. Michael’s entry however, was almost poetic. He wrote about the arcade in vague speech, talking about the beauty of destruction, and more importantly, Luke. He felt his throat close up as he read the words Michael had put down on the page.

_“I don’t see anything beautiful in taking an innocent person and making them feel afraid. I don’t see the beauty in wanting to hurt someone so much that they have to leave their life behind and start over.”_

_“I do see the beauty in beginnings. I see the beauty in blue eyes and bruises and bus stops.”_

_“I think I was craving a connection to someone and perhaps I found it in Luke.”_

 Luke was taken aback by the statements. He felt honored that Michael had felt the need to write so much about him. Luke felt appreciated and supported and needed. He felt loved.

_“I know this might not seem like it’s about the arcade, but believe me, it is. It’s as much about the arcade is it is about the beach, and the sunset. It’s about me feeling the beauty, and maybe that isn’t always something I know how to describe.”_

Michael’s words were beautiful. The more Luke read, the more he felt as though Michael had never intended for him to see any of it. These words were for Luke, but they weren’t meant to be shared. These were Michael’s feelings, and Luke felt guilty that he was reading them without permission.

Luke wondered if maybe he should stop. Maybe this was the reason Michael had run off. Maybe he was scared that Luke would read his journal and think he was weird. Michael wasn’t the type to share how he felt easily, regardless of how comfortable he seemed to be with Luke. The younger boy was grateful for how much Michael had already confided in him, and Luke hoped he wouldn’t be mad at him for reading the rest of his entries.

The fourth entry was titled ‘ _museum_ ’, and Luke smiled fondly at the memories. The museum and been another one of his favorite activities. Michael hadn’t made fun of him for wanting to go, or asked to do something else instead. In fact, it was Michael that had made sure they went. He’d paid for them both and hadn’t seemed bothered when Luke got caught up reading each exhibit’s description. Luke had been so happy that Michael didn’t mind waiting for him, even though he knew the older boy was finished long before he was.

As Luke read, he felt his heart pick up. These weren’t the kinds of things friends wrote about each other. He knew he should probably put the journal down, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the page. No one had ever said these kinds of things about him, and the fact that they were coming from Michael made Luke want to cry.

Michael had always been special to him. He was the first person Luke had come out to that had accepted him without any hesitation. Michael cuddled with him, sang songs with him, and told secrets with him. He was beautiful, funny, and kind. He was everything good that there could possibly be in one person, and Luke often found himself struck by how lucky he was that Michael had wanted to be friends with him. Michael was exactly the kind of person Luke would want to be with, but he was the one person Luke thought he could never have. Michael was straight, and as much as they cuddled and held hands, Luke knew that he would never be able to change who Michael really was. He was okay with that. He loved having Michael in his life, which was why he’d forced himself to ignore any hint of romantic feelings that threatened to sneak up on him whenever he was alone with the older boy. He didn’t want to be that guy that got a crush on his straight best friend. Everyone already thought they were dating, thanks to James. Michael had gone above and beyond trying to protect him. That last thing Luke wanted to do was make him regret it.

However, reading Michael’s entry about the museum was making Luke question if he should have ever been afraid in the first place. The things Michael had written about him were swirling around in his head.

_“I sat on one of the benches in the middle of the room and looked at Luke. It’s probably sounds really creepy, but I don’t mean for it to be. It was just, he looked like he belonged there, you know? I couldn’t help but watch as he took everything in. I don’t remember a single painting from that room. Maybe it’s because none stood out quite like Luke did.”_

_“I don’t think any of the things he saw that day were as beautiful as what I got to see. Luke didn’t get to see himself.”_

_“Luke is completely unaware that he was the most beautiful thing in the whole damn building. I have no doubt in my mind that the museum is exceptionally less beautiful today than it had been the day Luke and I were there.”_

Luke’s heart was racing. He didn’t know how he could feel so many things during one English class, but here he was about to fall out his desk. Did Michael really see him this way? Why else would he write these words, assuming that Luke would never see them, if he didn’t feel as though they were true?

_“I hope one day we can go back there, just so I can watch him take his place in the centre of that room full of paintings. He’s the only thing worth seeing there anyways.”_

This couldn’t be happening. No wonder Michael had taken off so quickly. Luke would’ve done the same thing if it had been him. Michael’s entries were so _personal_. He had to talk to Michael. He had to see if he was okay, and make sure Michael knew that Luke wasn’t upset or freaked out. The only thing he was concerned about was that Michael knew he didn’t need to be afraid.

There were only a few minutes left in class. Luke still had one more entry left to read. He hesitantly turned the page, eyes widening as he read the title of the fifth entry. Michael hadn’t told him what his final entry was about, but Luke had never expected this. His own name was printed neatly at the top of the page.

_’_ _Luke_ _’._

 He took a deep breath, both excited and nervous at what he was about to read.

_Luke. It’s baffling to think that only a few weeks ago I hated him. I hated him for getting me in trouble, for getting lost and needing help. I hated him for hanging out with Calum. I thought he was replacing me, and I didn’t want anything to do with him. I never thought that we would ever be as close as we are now. I never thought any of this would’ve happened._

_Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if he’d never followed me home that day. I can’t believe we became friends because he yelled at me on my front step. I’ve never been so grateful for a confrontation before in my life. I wonder if we would’ve found a way to be friends if he’d never called me out. I don’t like to think about what my life would be like without him._

_There were so many things about Luke that terrified me. I was scared of getting too close, but I couldn’t stop myself from spending every free moment I had with him. I was scared of the way he made me feel. I was scared of how much I wanted to protect him. I was scared because as soon as he came into my life, everything began to change. Suddenly no one else mattered as much as he did._

_We spent so much time together during this project. We’ve only been friends for three weeks, but I feel like I’ve known him for my entire life. He was able to fit into my life perfectly, like he belonged there; like he was always meant to be with me. I don’t know what’s going to happen now that the project is over. I hope that Luke and I still go out places and do things. I hope we stay friends for a really long time. Nothing in my life has ever been as beautiful as the time we’ve spent together. No part of my life has ever been so meaningful and exciting._

_Luke is the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and I’m lucky enough to have a few extraordinary people in my life. Luke is brave. He’s strong, and he’s kind, and he’s accepting. He radiates love, and excitement, and virtue. Luke is beauty. He’s the very definition, and I would not be who I am today if Luke hadn’t become such a vital part of my life. I wouldn’t as happy, or as kind. It’s weird to think that in such a short amount of time, one person can change who you are completely._

_He isn’t just beautiful in the way he looks (though he’d still be the most beautiful person I know). Luke is beautiful in who he is and how he sees the world. He’s beautiful in his actions and his words. He’s beautiful in his thoughts and how he feels. He’s beautiful in the way that you feel beautiful too, just from being around him. I think maybe Luke has made me beautiful too._

_I don’t think it matters if he doesn’t love me back, because I know that no matter what, he cares. Luke cares about me and protects me the same way I do for him, and I love him for it. I love him for everything that he is and everything he’s helped me become. I don’t think any of this was about the activities. I don’t think it was about the sunset, the beach, the arcade, or even the museum. It’s always been about Luke. It’s been about him since the very beginning, and the rest of it was just a backdrop for the bigger picture. The rest of it was just a place for me to fall in love._

_I think I would’ve done that anywhere. I’d have fallen in love with Luke, sitting on the floor in my room as he played guitar. I’d have fallen in love with him as we walked down the street, or fell asleep. I’d have fallen in love watching him blink, or breathe. I didn’t need to go anywhere to do that. I just needed him._

_The way I see it, falling in love is one of the most beautiful things a person can ever do, and I got to do it with Luke._

The bell rang just as Luke finished reading the final sentence. There were tears threatening to slip out of his eyes, and he had to remind himself to breathe before he passed out. Michael loved him. Michael loved him and he’d run away because he knew that Luke would find out after reading his journal. Luke wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but he knew he had to find Michael.

He ran out of the classroom, grabbing his own journal off of Michael’s desk and immediately dialing the older boy’s number. He put the phone to his ear and tapped his foot, praying that Michael would pick up. The phone rang and rang, but no one came to the other end. Luke sighed in defeat, pocketing his phone and heading down to the cafeteria.

Just as Luke was about to walk in, he stopped. He pulled his phone back out of his pocket and opened up a text to Calum.

_[11:45]_ _skipping lunch. i think mikey went home, so dont expect him either_

He didn’t wait for a response.

Luke had a plan.

_***_

When Michael woke up from his nap he’d almost forgotten the morning’s events. He rubbed his eyes and stretched out his limbs, curling his toes as the muscles in his legs pulled taut. It took a good five minutes for the realization hit him, and when it did he wished he hadn’t woken up at all.

He reached for his phone, seeing that he had three new texts and one missed call. The call was from Luke, and Michael felt a sickness creeping up on him. He didn’t even want to think about Luke right now. He opened up his messages to read the texts.

 **luke :-)** [10:39] _are u okay????? whats wrong?????_

 **calpal** [11:47] _luke said u went home, are u ok?_

 **ash** [11:50] _feel better mikey, call me if u need anything! :)_

Michael didn’t feel like responding to anyone. He turned off his phone and went out into the kitchen. His stomach was growling, and when he looked at the clock he saw that it was after six. He shuffled over to the fridge, eager to find something to fill his stomach when something caught his eye. There was something lying on the otherwise empty table with a note on top. Just as Michael was about to go over and inspect it, his mother walked into the room. She went over to the kettle to make herself a cup of tea.

“What’s that?” Michael asked, nodding his head towards the table. She followed his direction and let her eyes fall on the ‘what’ he was referring to.

“Oh, it was on the step when I get home,” she said. “It says it’s for you.” Michael frowned. Something for him? He walked over to the table to see what it could be, noticing that there was indeed a note with his name on it staring up at him. Michael picked up the note and read his name, written in black ink and spelled out in all capital letters. He looked down at the object it had been attached to, freezing as he recognized it immediately. His heart stopped.

It was Luke’s yellow folder.


	14. you fill my head with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This is the part where I kiss you.” - Cynthia Hand
> 
> AN: I've made a playlist for this fic, you can listen to it [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/pilotmikey/playlist/0gS2aw1XBRC4UFDbPiyiak). Songs may be added in the future, so keep an eye out if you enjoy it. (Fun fact: The song for this specific chapter is Bloom by The Paper Kites.)

Michael didn’t know what to do. He was sitting on his bed, Luke’s yellow folder beside him. He wasn’t ready to look inside.

How had it even gotten there? Had Luke brought it after school? Did he even read Michael’s journal? Is that why he’d just left it on the step instead of ringing the bell or giving it to him in person? Maybe he _had_ rung the bell, and Michael just didn’t hear it because he was asleep. Maybe because he hadn’t texted or called Luke back, the younger boy thought Michael didn’t want to see him. It was partially true. Michael _didn’t_ want to see Luke. He wasn’t ready to face him knowing that Luke had learned how he really felt. He wasn’t ready for Luke to look at him with sadness in his eyes because he didn’t love Michael back.

Of course, a part of Michael _always_ wanted to see Luke. Even now, with his stomach twisting and turning with every glance at Luke’s journal, Michael wanted to see him. He wanted to apologize to Luke for writing about him, and for not telling him how he felt in person. He wanted to apologize for falling in love and jeopardizing their friendship. He wanted to explain himself and beg Luke to stay his friend, and promise that no matter what, Michael would never let his feelings get in the way of being a good friend to Luke.

He tried to do something else; anything to take his mind off of the journal by the end of his bed. Michael turned on the TV, flipping through the channels to find something entertaining enough to distract him from the yellow folder. Nothing good was on, and he felt as though he should’ve known that the universe was not going to cut him a break today. He sighed, turning to the journal in defeat. _How bad could it be?_ Michael wondered. If Luke had made the trip to bring him the folder, it must have something in it that he wanted Michael to see.

He tentatively reached for the journal, letting his fingers slide along the yellow cover. He picked it up, noticing how light it was in comparison to his own. Luke’s name was written on the top right hand corner, and the printing was the same as that on the note attached to it. With a deep breath, Michael slowly opened the folder, bracing himself for what would be inside. He looked down at the page and frowned.

That was odd. Instead of the five pages Michael had been expecting, it seemed there was only one. This couldn’t be Luke’s journal. The cover was the same, but none of his entries were inside. Michael felt his heart rate pick up, wondering why Luke would take his entries out. He squeezed his eyes shut; trying to force himself to muster the courage he would need to read the lonesome page left in Luke’s folder. When he opened his eyes, he took another deep breath and began to read. It soon became clear that this wasn’t a journal entry, but a letter.

_Dear Michael,_

_I wanted to give you my journal entries, but I had to hand them in. You can read them when I get them back. They aren’t as good as yours, but it’s only fair that you get to see them. I handed yours in too, don’t worry. I also wanted to do this in person, but I figured you might be feeling a little anxious and I didn’t want to overwhelm you. Hopefully you don’t mind me giving you space and writing this letter instead._

_I read your journal entries, but I guess you already know that. I’m so bad at putting how I feel into words, but you do it so well. Your entries were beautiful, Michael, and I hope you don’t make fun of me for this but they made me cry. Good tears, don’t worry. Please don’t worry. I know you’re probably scared, but I don’t want you to be. I don’t want you to be ashamed about who you are, remember?_

_I’m going to start at the beginning. I think it’s only fair that you know exactly what I was thinking when we were out doing our activities. I didn’t talk about you much in my journal entries, and I’ll explain why later. I know you’re probably freaking out, but I promise you there’s nothing to be scared of. I don’t want you to ever be afraid of me, or of how you feel._

_The sunset. It was one of the first few times we’d hung out. I remember being so happy that you wanted to spend time with me and get started on our project right away. I was scared that it would be awkward or that the activities would feel forced, but they weren’t. None of them were. I was so happy, Michael. You were the only person that truly knew who I was and accepted me, even after only such a short amount of time. The first night I slept over and we shared a bed, I was so worried that once I told you that I was gay you’d run away. I thought you’d change your mind about wanting to know me, but you didn’t. You told me it was okay, and you didn’t let it change how you acted around me. You gave me so much courage. I’ll never be able to thank you for how much you’ve done for me._

_Anyways, we went to the hill. You shared your headphones with me and we listened to music. It was such a beautiful night. You were sort of right, about me never seeing a sunset before. I had never seen one that beautiful. I know it was a really cheesy thing to do, but I’m glad we did it. I loved looking at the stars, too. Laying there on the hill, listening to music, it was so peaceful. Most people would have found it weird, wanting to look at the stars with someone they barely even knew. But after the first day we’d really hung out, I didn’t feel like we’d just met. It felt like I’d known you for so long because of how much we had in common. I was relieved when you laid down beside me. It meant a lot that you weren’t making fun of me for wanting to do such a cliché thing like look at the stars. You never make fun of me for the things that matter._

_You were the only person I could ever cuddle with, you know that? I’d never felt comfortable enough with anyone else, even though I’ve always wanted a friend that didn’t mind cuddling every now and then. I finally got one when I met you. I got a lot of things when I met you. I got a best friend, and a confidant, and a protector. When James showed up, you always knew just what to say to make me feel better. You never said that I was worried over nothing or over thinking it. You never invalidated my fears or tried to fix everything. You just did what you could to help, like taking me to the beach that day._

_The beach was one of my favourite activities. I think it was the first time you really started to let me in. I was so proud of you for opening up to me. I still am. I know how scary it is to tell someone something that you’ve kept a secret, especially when it’s so personal. It meant a lot to me that you were willing to trust me with something so important. I never told you this, but I think that day at the beach was the first time I thought that maybe you meant more to me than just a friend. We were floating around in the water, and you reached out to hold my hand. I know it was cause I was floating away from you, but you didn’t let go. It was like, in that single gesture you were letting me know that you were there for me, that you weren’t letting go. I felt safe with you, like no matter what waves came in the future, you had me. You wouldn’t let me drown._

_The arcade was another story all together. I was having so much fun, and I know you were too. It had been such a good day, bowling and drinking milkshakes. And then James showed up and I was terrified. You took the fall for me. You did what you said you would that day in the bathroom, when I found out he had transferred. You protected me, and you stood up for me. You gave me the courage to speak up and finally tell James to fuck off. And then you punched him. You broke his fucking nose for me and I know that freaked you out. I should’ve been more afraid than I was, but all I could think about was how incredible you were. You were literally my hero that day. Your journal entry for the arcade was so beautiful, Mikey. Reading it made me feel wanted, and protected._

_Reading your journal made me feel so loved._

_When we went to your house that night and you told me why you hadn’t denied being my boyfriend, I was so shocked. No one had ever done so much to look out for me. You put yourself in such a position that I would have never asked you to be in. You just did it because you cared about me, and even thinking about it now makes me want to cry. I was so lucky to meet you. I’m so lucky to have you in my life._

_When we went to the museum, I knew something was different. You were so patient and kind. I’m not saying that you weren’t always like that, but it felt different, and I think now I know why. Did you really mean it? What you wrote about me? Do you really see me that way?_

_I had such a wonderful day. The museum and the light show were both so breathtaking. It meant a lot to me that you made sure we went. I knew it wasn’t really your thing, but you didn’t complain. I know I took forever looking at everything, but you just stood beside me and waited. You made sure I knew that it was okay to take my time._

_I really wanted to hold your hand. We were sitting in the planetarium watching the light show, and our hands were touching on the armrest. I wanted to hold your hand so badly, but I didn’t. I didn’t think I could. And when you walked me home that day…god, Michael. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to kiss you more than anything, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t be that guy._

_You see, you were the one person I thought I could never have. You’d done everything for me. I didn’t want to be that gay guy that got a crush on his straight best friend. I didn’t want to push things too far and lose you forever. But Michael, it was so hard. I tried so hard not to like you. Every time we were alone I had to remind myself that you were off limits. I didn’t write about you in my journal because I didn’t want to get caught up in feelings I wasn’t allowed to have. I knew that if I fell for you I’d never get back up._

_But I didn’t do a very good job._

_Look, Michael. I know you ran off because you were scared. I would have been scared too. Fuck, even writing this and knowing how you feel, I’m scared. I don’t want to mess this up. I don’t want to lose you. You mean too much to me. When I read your last entry, I swear my heart stopped. I still can’t comprehend the things you said, even though I’ve felt all of it. Everything you wrote about I’d been living too, even though I was trying so hard not to. You meant more to me than just a silly crush, and I didn’t want to… I don’t know. I didn’t want ruin anything._

_You wrote about how you thought I was beautiful, not just in how I looked but in who I was. You said that you felt beautiful too, just by being around me. That’s the most amazing thing anyone has ever said about me, Michael, but it isn’t true. I wasn’t really me until I met you. I’d never had anyone I could be myself with. I didn’t know what it was like to have someone that cared so much about me and want to protect me and see me happy. I didn’t know any of it until I met you. You made me beautiful, Michael. It was you that helped me feel comfortable with myself. I’m beautiful because of you._

_So I guess what I’m trying to say is, it doesn’t matter if we wrote about different things. We both walked down the same path to get here, looking at our respective sides. We couldn’t see what the other could, but in the end it doesn’t matter. The destination is the same. We both made it to the same place._

_I guess what I’m trying to say is, I love you too, and falling in love… it_ is _the most beautiful thing a person can do. That’s the way I see it too._

_Call me,_

_Luke._

 

***

 

Luke was beside himself. It had been nearly four hours since he’d left the letter at Michael’s house, and he still hadn’t heard anything from the older boy. Luke had checked his phone every ten minutes, despite having his volume up all the way. He was just so _anxious_. What if Michael hadn’t gotten the letter? What if something else had happened entirely? He’d almost called Michael six times in the past hour alone. He hated waiting; not knowing what was going to happen next.

By eight that night Luke was ready to give up. He didn’t want to eat, but he couldn’t sleep either. He couldn’t get his brain to stop worrying that maybe Michael didn’t actually love him and the whole thing was just a big joke. Luke knew this wasn’t true, but the waiting was getting to him. He’d never been more anxious about something in his life; not even when James had transferred. Michael meant everything to him, and Luke just wanted to be able to _see_ him.

It was 8:19 on the nose when the doorbell rang. Luke was lying in his bed, covers pulled up over his head in a vain attempt to block out all of his nasty thoughts. It wasn’t working. He was still going out of his mind waiting to hear from Michael. Just as he was thinking about giving up completely, his mom knocked on his bedroom door.

“Luke, sweetie,” she said, “you have a friend at the door.” Luke peeked his head out from underneath the covers. He had a visitor? Could it be Michael?

“Be right there!” he shouted. He crawled out of his bed and changed into a pair of jeans. The sweats he’d had on were stained, and if it _was_ Michael at the door he didn’t want to look like a slob after just confessing his love. He didn’t want Michael to look at him and say ‘never mind’.

Once his jeans were fastened, he slipped on a pair of socks and headed out of his room. His heart was beating wildly in his chest, and he prayed that the ‘friend’ at the door was Michael. Sure enough, Luke rounded the corner of the living room and saw the older boy standing by his front door. Luke gulped, slowly making his way towards Michael. He looked as nervous as Luke felt, and the younger boy found comfort in the fact that he wasn’t the only one feeling scared.

“Hey,” Michael said. His voice was breathy but soft.

“Hey,” Luke replied, biting down on his lip gently.

“Are you busy?” Michael asked, raising his eyebrows hopefully. Luke shook his head and smiled. “Do you wanna go for a walk?” the older boy asked.

“Sure,” Luke said, going over to the door to put on a pair of shoes. He called to his mom to let her know he’d be back soon, and the two of them left the house. Neither of them spoke, walking away from Luke’s house in complete silence. Only the sound of their breathing and the wind in the trees could be heard above their soft footsteps. It was a nice night, the weather not too warm or too cold. Their arms brushed occasionally by how close they were, but neither of them moved away. Luke suddenly realized they were walking towards the park, and soon enough he found himself sitting on the very same hill from their first journal activity. The sun was low in the sky, and it felt like they were back where they’d started; sitting arm to arm and watching the sun go down.

“I got your letter,” Michael said, finally breaking the silence. Luke sucked in a breath and waited. He looked at Michael out of the corner of his eye, only to find the older boy staring ahead, watching the sky light up in oranges and yellows as the sun began to dip below the horizon.

“And?” Luke asked quietly. It was another minute before Michael finally turned to look at him. They stared at each other for a while, trying to read what the other was thinking just by looking into their eyes.

“Did you mean it?” Michael asked softly. He looked nervous and fragile, as though he would shatter completely if Luke were to say it had all been one big lie.

“Yes,” Luke assured him, “of course I did. I wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t true.” Michael seemed to relax, shoulders falling down as he let out a breath.

“Oh thank god,” he said, reaching up to clutch at his chest. “I was so scared you were taking the piss or something. Not that I think you would do that,” Michael added quickly, “I was just nervous. I’m still nervous.”

“Me too,” Luke said, laughing softly. He scooted closer to Michael and turned so that the top half of his body was facing the green eyed boy.

“I meant what I said,” Michael told him. “About falling in love. With you. About falling in love with you.” He laughed, and the sound made Luke’s heart swell. “God, I’m really fucking this up,” Michael chuckled nervously.

“You’re not,” Luke said. He reached out and touched Michael’s hand. “I promise you, you’re not.” Michael looked down at their hands and then back up at Luke. He lifted the younger boy’s hand and intertwined their fingers slowly, smiling carefully as he did so. “Michael,” Luke whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me.”


	15. the day the earth stood still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There's a path that we chose, there's a life that we share, there's a love and it grows." - Zayn Malik
> 
> AN: I feel like those lyrics fit this chapter as I wrap things up. Thankyou all for sticking around and reading this fic. Thankyou to the people that left kudos, comments and sent lovely messages on tumblr. It means a lot that so many people care about this story and enjoy it enough to keep coming back for more. I've really enjoyed writing it and trying to make it unique. I'm a bit sad that it's ending, but I'm looking forward to starting something new. I really hope some of you still stick around to see what else I come up with. 
> 
> Special thanks to [Zoë](http://petalmikey.tumblr.com) for helping me with this fic. She was always there to encourage and support me. She offered ideas and guidance whenever I got stuck and needed help. I probably wouldn't have been able to finish this if it wasn't for her love and support. Go give her [fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6152314/chapters/14096146) some love!
> 
> Okay, I'll stop rambling now. Hopefully you all enjoy this chapter, because it's the last one. Thanks for waiting while I updated. I love you guys so much. ❤

“Kiss me.”  

Michael froze. His heart began thumping wildly in his chest and he could feel his hands start to clam up. He prayed that Luke couldn’t feel it, and if he could that he wouldn’t mind. The younger boy was staring at him intently, waiting for Michael to _do_ something - waiting for Michael to kiss him.

He took a deep breath and brought his free hand up to cup the side of Luke’s face. It was now or never. Luke’s eyes were glimmering with hope, the light from the sun illuminating even the darkest parts of his eyes until they were a mix of blue and gold. He looked radiant, and Michael couldn’t believe that Luke was here with him, that Luke wanted him back.

He let his thumb trace over Luke’s pale skin before he started to lean in. His eyes slipped shut and all he could do was feel. Luke’s warm breath indicated that he was only a few millimeters away from pressing their lips together.  Michael closed the distance, letting his lips meet Luke’s in a gentle kiss. He wasn’t sure if the heat he felt was due to the kiss or sun that was beaming down on them. Perhaps it was both.

When they pulled away, Michael opened up his eyes to look at Luke. The younger boy’s eyes were still shut, and Michael watched as they slowly fluttered open a moment later.

“Wow,” Luke said. He bit his lip and Michael squeezed his hand. “Can we do that again?” Luke asked. Michael laughed but nodded, leaning back in to kiss Luke longer this time, moving their lips together carefully. He felt Luke sigh against his mouth, and he arched his shoulders trying to push himself closer. After a while they broke apart, and Michael dropped his hand from Luke’s face to his thigh.

“Was that okay?” Michael asked. Luke smiled lazily and moved his body so that he could rest his head on Michael’s shoulder, facing the sunset once again.

“Perfect,” Luke replied. Michael laid his head on top of Luke’s, finally feeling at peace entirely for the first time since he’d realized his feelings for Luke. They watched the sun finish slipping beneath the trees in silence, smiling absentmindedly as they recalled the feeling of their lips pressed together.

“You know,” Luke whispered after a while, “that was my first kiss.”

“What?” Michael asked in shock, lifting his head to stare down at Luke. The boy looked up at him and shrugged.

“Are you really that surprised?” Luke asked. “Everyone hated me once they’d found out I was gay. I didn’t exactly have anyone that wanted to join the club with me.” Michael shook his head in disbelief.

“Yeah but I mean, look at you. I thought for sure you’d have had plenty of people that would wanna kiss you,” Michael confessed, blushing as he did so. Luke shrugged again.

“If they did, they didn’t tell me,” Luke said. “I don’t mind though. You make a good first kiss, not that I have anything to compare it to.” He laid his head back on Michael’s shoulder.

“My first kiss wasn’t anything like this,” Michael told him. “I mean, it was nice, sure. But this was definitely better.” He saw Luke smile and he wrapped an arm him so the smaller boy could cuddle up against him.

“Promise?” Luke asked. Michael chuckled and held up his pinky.

“Promise,” he replied. Luke laughed and linked their fingers together briefly. The sun was finally pulled beneath the skyline completely, and soon everything around them went dark.

“Was I the first boy you kissed?” Luke asked after a while. Michael laughed and pressed is face into Luke’s hair.

“Yeah,” he said, “do you feel special?” Luke hummed in affirmation.

“You always make me feel special,” he whispered. Michael grabbed one of Luke’s hands and brought it to his lips, leaving a gentle kiss on his knuckles.

“Be my boyfriend,” Michael said, the question coming out as a statement. “For real this time,” he added with a laugh. Luke turned his head to look up at him.

“Hmm, I don’t know,” Luke teased, “I think I’ll need time to think about it.” Michael rolled his eyes, causing Luke to let out a loud chuckle. “Okay, I’ll be your boyfriend,” he said, lifting his chin to press a soft kiss against the side of Michael’s mouth, “but only if you’ll be mine.”

“Oh, you see, I thought I’d be Calum’s,” Michael teased back. “Of course I’ll be yours,” he said, after Luke rolled his eyes. Michael pulled him in for a proper kiss, enjoying what it felt like to finally have the blue eyed boy in his arms.

 

***

 

“I can’t believe you finally did it,” Calum muttered in disbelief. After Michael walked Luke home (and kissed him another three times) he’d called Calum to yell at him until he agreed to meet up with him this late. The two of them were lying on Calum’s bed staring at the ceiling as Michael told him everything that had happened with his journal entry, Luke’s letter, and finally – the kiss. “It seems like just last week you were complaining about not being able to tell him because it would ruin your friendship.”

“That’s because it _was_ last week,” Michael rolled his eyes, “and I didn’t exactly tell him by choice.”

“I’m glad it’s finally out in the open though,” Calum said. “So what happened next, after the kiss?” Michael bit his lip and smirked.

“We kissed again, and then I asked him to be my boyfriend,” Michael answered. Calum shot up off the bed, eyes widening as he stared down at Michael.

“And he said yes?” Calum asked, failing to hide his excitement. Michael loved that Calum was just as thrilled as he was about finally getting together with Luke.

“Yeah,” Michael said, nodding his head.

“Fuck,” Calum whispered. “That’s amazing, I’m so happy for you both.” Michael sat up and smiled.

“Thanks, me too,” he laughed.

”Aren’t you glad it wasn’t a girl?” Calum asked him. Michael frowned, tilting his head questioningly. “On Luke’s first day,” Calum clarified, “when you thought the new student was gonna be a girl.”

“I only thought that because you said it was girl!” Michael laughed, pushing Calum’s arm. “But yeah, I am. I wasn’t at first, but now I can’t picture my life any other way.” Calum smiled.

“I can’t believe you used to hate him,” he said, shaking his head. Michael nodded in agreement.

“Me either,” he said. “It seems so weird to think of a time when he wasn’t one of my best friends.”

“Boyfriend, now,” Calum corrected.

“He can still be one of my best friends,” Michael chuckled. “In fact, it’s better if he’s both.” Calum hummed in agreement and checked the time.

“It’s getting late,” he told Michael. “You should probably head home soon…unless you’re crashing here?” Michael shook his head.

“No, I told my mom I’d be back. I should go,” Michael said. He went to stand up, but Calum grabbed his arm.

“Before you go,” Calum started, “there’s actually something I wanted to tell you too.” Michael frowned and moved to sit back down so he could look at Calum.

“What is it?” he asked. Calum raised his eyebrows as he took a deep breath.

“I may have asked Ashton to go out sometime,” Calum said, “like, on a date. And he said yes.” Michael grabbed Calum’s shoulders and shook him gently.

“What?! When?! Where?!” Michael rattled off. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Calm down!” Calum shushed him. “I only asked him today. We’re going to a movie this weekend. I was going to tell you at school tomorrow since you hadn’t answered my text earlier.” Michael winced.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he apologized.

“It’s okay,” Calum assured him, “I get it now. It’s not a big deal anyways. We’re just testing things out, seeing where it goes. Very casual.” His face turned a few shades darker as he blushed and added softly, “I’m excited.”

“That’s awesome!” Michael said excitedly. “Maybe if things work out between you two we can double date,” he laughed.

“No way,” Calum said, pushing Michael off of the bed and out the door. “You embarrass me enough already. I don’t need you doing it while I’m on a _date_.” Michael laughed as he let Calum push him out of the house. They said goodbye and Michael headed home, humming softly as he walked the few blocks separating his and Calum’s houses. He had a feeling he wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight, but this time it wouldn’t be from bad dreams or anxiety. It was because everything in his life was perfect, and he was too excited to fall asleep and miss even a second. It felt like it was Christmas Eve, when you’re too excited about opening your presents the next day that you can’t fall asleep. The only difference was that it wasn’t Christmas, and Michael already everything he could ever wish for; amazing friends, and a boyfriend who loved him.  He didn’t need anything else.

Michael told his mom about Luke that night. He told her about their journal assignment and how they’d both started to like each other. He left out a lot of the details, but he told her that he’d asked Luke to be his boyfriend, and that Luke said yes. She’d smiled and said that she was happy for him before pulling him into a hug. Michael knew she would be fine with it, but it was still nice to know for sure. He felt like there was nothing left to hold him back.

After he said goodnight to his mom, Michael went to his room. He turned out the lights and crawled into bed. He stretched out his legs and folded his arms behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. It had been a long day, but he wasn’t tired. Maybe it was because of the nap he’d taken during the day, or maybe he was high off adrenaline. Maybe it was both.

Life had a funny way of working itself out. He thought back to the beginning, when Luke was just another face in the classroom, when Luke was someone Michael hated. He thought about how easy things were with Luke once they’d finally given each other a chance. Everything between them always seemed to just _work._ There wasn’t any stress or games. When they had a problem they talked to each other and they worked things out. They looked out for each other and didn’t let their fears stand in the way of being a good friend. Luke gave Michael’s life a spark, filling in all of the places he hadn’t known were empty. In a few short weeks, Michael had been able to open up to Luke and become close with him in ways he had never been able to with anyone else. Calum was a close second, but Michael didn’t love Calum the way he loved Luke.

Luke had always been different. A month ago, _everything_ was different. There was no project, no late nights, no blue eyes. There was Michael and there was Calum and that was it. He didn’t go to football games or to the beach. He sat at home whenever Calum was busy. He broke a string every time he picked up his guitar. He was an entirely different person a month ago, without Luke.

Now Michael was happier. He left his house more, and he went to football games. He made new friends and found out how brave he could be if it meant protecting someone he loved. He hadn’t broken a guitar string since Luke started helping him learn how to play. He became softer, and kinder. He fell in love. Luke changed everything, but in the _best_ possible way. At least, that’s how Michael saw it. He liked who he was when he was with Luke. He liked the way Luke made him feel. He liked that he made Luke feel the same way.

Michael sighed happily and pulled the covers up around his neck. What had started out as the most terrifying day of his life ended up being one of the best he’d ever had. There was no more wondering if Luke could ever love him back. There was no more questioning when the right time would be, if it would ever come. There were no more nights he would lie awake afraid of what might happen if Luke ever found out and didn’t feel the same – because he did. Luke _did_ feel the same, and Luke was _his._ He had a boyfriend now, and that thought alone made Michael’s heart skip a beat. He could hold Luke’s hand and kiss him whenever he wanted to. He didn’t have to worry about whether or not they cuddled too much. Everyone at school already thought they were together, so they didn’t even have to come out. It was too perfect to be real, and Michael pinched his hip just in case he was dreaming. He wasn’t.

It was getting late. He reached over to check the time on his phone – 11:46. He still had to get up for school the next day, and for once he was eager to get there early. Michael couldn’t wait to show everyone what dating someone _really_ looked like. He sat his phone down, ready to turn in for the night. Just as he did, he heard the device vibrate against his bedside table. Picking it up, he squinted at the brightness of the screen. When his eyes refocused, he saw that he had two new messages from Luke.

 **luke :-)** [11:47] _this might be cheesy, but i just wanted to say goodnight :) <3_

 **luke :-)** [11:47] _its not too soon for hearts right?_

Michael laughed and typed out a reply.

[11:48] _never too soon for hearts. goodnight luke, sweet dreams <3_

 **luke :-)** [11:48] _sweet dreams to u too <3 _

**luke :-)** [11:49] _hey mikey?_

[11:49] _yeah?_

 **luke :-)** [11:50] _im really glad we became friends_

[11:51] _me too. i love u._

 **luke :-)** [11:51] _first a journal, now a text. im gonna need u to tell me that in person one of these days :P_

[11:52] _i think i can do that :-P_

[11:52] _the way i see it, we have all the time in the world <3_

 **luke :-)** [11:53] _good, that’s the way i see it too :) <3 _

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> let me know what you think by commenting or leaving kudos. 
> 
> come visit me on [tumblr](http://pilotmikey.tumblr.com)!


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